Christmas

Just got home an hour ago. I had a great time despite the negative outcomes. A big part of me is feeling glad that the year is ending soon. December has been very very bad to me, as well as Santa tonight. I hope all of you enjoyed your Christmas so far no matter what it is that you've done be it sleeping at home or chatting up single ladies at adultfriendfinders.

Anyway, the year is ending and I'm definitely looking forward to a better year. But I don't wanna talk about this tonight. I wanna talk about guitar!!! Lately, I've been inspired again. This time, it's by Yamazaki Masayoshi. I've got to know him through sweatlee.com when she posted a youtube video of him saying that she wants to marry the damn song.

The song is damn good even though I don't understand what is being sung. So being the stalker that I am, I stalked his everyone of his videos and found out that this guy is John "motherfucking" Lennon's reincarnation!!!! Here's a couple of songs that I like.

His compositions are damn nice, jazzy chords and all that. Great melodies too. And I'm losing my touch, maybe I should quit writing for a while. Fuck this shit.


One More Time, One More Chance



His Best Song So Far

Doleful December

Today, a friend notified me that I haven't been updating lately and he's going crazy because of this. Can't sleep, can't eat. To uphold my good guy persona, I've decided to rid all the agony that my friend is tasting with this update.

It's a decided fact that I'm not stranger to delayed(forgotten) updates but this time, it is not on purpose. My life has been fucked up this two months that I've lost all my will to waste my time on writing stuff that only me myself read.

This year will go down as the most depressing doleful christmas I've ever had. All the things around me are crumbling down, falling apart into nothing. Day after day, my belongings are breaking down one by one. I am party aware that all this are part of my own doing but hey.. Why blame yourself when you can blame others?! To cap off this post I'll list down whatever misfortunes that befell me these past few weeks just to make you all feel better about your lives.


1 December
Monthly allowance of 1000 was banked in. Proceeded to treat myself to some delicious sushi. Being the asshole that I am, I spent around 350 in the first week on unnecessary bullshit. Note to self, rental not paid.

4 December
Went to visit the late Uncle Lim. Lost 300 after I've decided that winning back your
initial capital of 150 doesn't really count as being lucky. A war is not won by saying no to all the temptations constantly forced upon yourselves. But you can always say no to friends who are there to stop you, they don't matter until you're back in your car ready to go home. Note to self, rental still not paid.

5-16 December
Wasted more money on more unnecessary stuff. My belt is spoilt. My bag spoilt the next day. There are screeching sounds when I brake my car, should be the result of constant visits to my lifetime archrival Mr. Lim. The college starts clamping people like mad and we can't park illegally anymore. I found out that there's only 2-3 weeks left for assignment and I haven't read the questions thoroughly yet.

I decided to usher my dad for an extra 500 for year end shopping. Life goes on normally for a few days as I skipped a couple of classes without care, in exchange for more intimate moments with my dirty bed.. Note to self, rental not paid, again.

17 December
Went to the devil's fortress again but the damage was minimal, I've lost 47.50 that day. But my dignity was hurt even more. Dealers were laughing at me because I was trying to put the 2.50 chip on whatever spot I can find. I decided to finally end my torment and cash in that sole chip。 Note to self, rental not paid.

18 December
I found out that I somehow like losing and making myself miserable. Cause when you're miserable you complain more, and that is good. Guess where I went this time? And guess the outcome? And guess what note did I make to myself before I went to sleep?


....But I tell myself things will get better. Hope is so wonderful. Here's an early "Happy New Year" to you guys, most probably I'll be too busy fucking the rest of the month up to update. As usual, have fun :)

Broke

I'm fucking broke again. This is an all time record.RM1000 gone in 7 days. Somebody should fuck me in the head. For fuck's sake I need to have some self control.....

Nah, I just need more money. FUCK UNCLE LIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Religion

Wah wah wah, hold your horses there, people. You guys are talking as if I don't show love to Paul no more. I still love Paul, it's just that I've finally gotten bored of Paul's music after listening to them religiously for the past one and a half year. I do still listen to them sometimes, but the numbers have decreased drastically.

I see guitar playing as a steep mountain to climb. And licks are those ledges that you can hold on to before you ascend another few meters further in this never-ending climb to the top. I've never really sat there and study guitar. My way of learning is just copying licks and expand from there. Sure, if you don't study there's a limit just waiting for you to reach. And I've reached that limit.

What am I trying to convey, is that I've reached my ledge and the next ledge is a little bit too high for me to reach. Given all these problems/distractions that I'm facing now, I've not the strength to pull myself up for this next ledge.

Other than that, I've not been improving for the past one or two months. My alternate picks are still at the same speed and level of cleanliness after months of constant use. I only have myself to blame, though. I don't practice at all, I play just for fun. I play when I'm inspired. I play when I feel like imitating Paul.

The other truth in this sudden disinterest is that my playing has taken its toll. After I've gone pop, I suddenly can't alternate pick to save my face anymore. Isn't that rather discouraging? To know that the skills that you've been honing is on the edge of depletion.

The last and most influential cause is that I'm rather interested in pop songs nowadays. I might get a lot of flak for this, but I'm listening to a lot of Jay Chou. Take a while off listening to his mumbling vocals and listen to his compositions. If you carefully dissect all his songs, there are a lot of interesting things that will make you go "WOW". He's definitely musically gifted and people just don't see that cause they're too busy flaming him for making music that sells.

Ultimately, I still love Paul. He is still my religion. But I'm taking a rest because nothing really inspires me in the world of shred nowadays.



edit: HAHAH I think I came off as a pro-guitarist in the industry who's going to retire after playing for 40+ years or whatever the fuck in this post. So, to those of you who've never heard me play, I SUCK! It's just that people are saying that I don't love Paul anymore and I still do!

Lately

It's been awhile since I came up with an update worth reading. So I'll promise you that this one is not worth reading too. Gee, who gives a fuck about what you guys think when I'm plagued with endless problems that will possibly bring forth 2012 to an earlier date. Since nothing interesting is happening in the world lately, I guess I'll just tell you guys about what the most interesting guy in the universe is doing nowadays.

As most of my housemates now know, I've lost my interest in the guitar. The magic that I used to possess while belting out face melting solos on the fretboard is now beyond my grasp. To justify this sudden disinterest, I'll say that it's because there's nothing inspiring out there lately. And by that, what it really means is that Paul Gilbert is NOT PUTTING OUT ANY VIDEOS AND MUSIC. Paul, why? Anyway, I just don't feel like shredding for the time being.

Other than that, I'm trying to quit the death stick, AGAIN. Today is the third day and I'm quite happy to say that I'm treading on a path to success. When I told people about this campaign, they gave me the "Yeah right, fuck you" face. Well fuck you guys back cause I'm gonna at least do this for the whole fucking month. Wish me luck.

This is obvious and you guys know that I've not been updating the blog. Maybe I've lost the interest in the proverbial pen as well. Or is it that there's just nothing worthwhile to say? There are tons of drafts waiting to be completed in the folder but they all sound so boring. Maybe it's because I'm getting along with the muse again. Well, when you've got nothing to complain about, there's just nothing to.... complain about. I still hate the fact that I'm always broke by the second week of the month though.

OH YEAH!!

It's been one year already since I started this blog! 49 posts in a year. I know that this number is not to be brought out and bragged about but, I think that's quite good already for someone like me. Anyway, Christmas is coming soon and I wish you guys all the best in whatever that you're doing. Have fun.

Words of Wisdom

Chun Kiat says:
if you don't show pictures, i won't believe
so gambateh!
i'll tell you, you must not regret
because regret's best friend is the right hand
if you masturbate with the left hand.. then it's "because regret's best friend is the left hand"

Me Chinese Better

我睡不着
已经四五月了
經后该要怎样呢？
分不了我要说什么？
不能说的秘密
清道不得了

你觉得我要讲什么？
是我在耍花样吗？
友们，是很简单的
情的东西不会难理解的

还要上课真期待
是我变了吗？
错的并不是我们
过了1年就有比较好
的结果
爱想太多的你我， 呵呵
情的东西很简单的

If you think my Chinese has improved. You're wrong. It's even better. HAVE FUN READING!! HAHAH!!

edit:这个post有东西hidden在里面的

Marketing Mix

People always believe that my ultimate purpose in college is to measure how many classes I can skip and how late I can wake up and still be able to make it to class. Today I’m going to disprove all those who dare misjudge me based on my attendance sheet. Contrary to popular belief, I learnt a lot in this past few months and if the government knew any better, they should’ve hired me as a lecturer in UM 22 years ago.

You people still remember the 4Ps of Marketing? Having trouble providing examples during the exam? What, you haven’t learn the 4Ps? Whatever, I’m still going to run my mouth whether you know it or not.

1. Product

Love, like I’ve said since before the beginning of time, is a lot like business. And we, boys and girls are the products. We’re all born differently (sexual positions mommy and daddy used when daddy unloaded his pride) and are meant to cater to different tastes. It’s like how only guys use the condom and girls use the dildo. It goes like this. If you are hot, you will get good response. If you’re not an eye candy, rejoice because 60% of the population in Malaysia are blind.

Lovers are interchangeable just like products in business transactions. Nobody buys a car when they want to fly. Nobody buys a soap when they are hungry, but I'll applaud you for this if you're retarded. You want someone to feed you, you get a rich kid. You want sex, find someone with a dick hung like a horse. You want companionship, find a guy who operates his mouth like CNN on Astro, or a gay.

2. Promotion

In business, it’s about how you market yourself. With the correct ingredients, you can make people buy your shitty product even if it’s shitty. But if you’re stupid, even 2 million dollars worth of advertising money won’t save you from the hellhole that is the whorehouse. If given the chance, I think that this example shines the most.

You know those visually undesirable rich guys with luxury cars and items who you think won’t ever get the chance to date anyone? Let me tell you something, if you saw the word rich in the sentence before this, you would’ve guessed it correctly that they get more pussy in a night compared to you in a lifetime.

BUT, if you use all those money to buy some useless stuff like computers or guitars, it’s not going to get you chicks. Computers only get you free porn and guitars only get you… I don’t know, admiration from men? Sounds gay, but this signifies poor advertising.

3. Price

Lovers in Malaysia are still not that well versed in the art of pricing. Price is about how you value yourself. If you’re a fat guy it’s only obvious that you go for the fat or chubby chicks. Shitty products get shitty prices. You don’t see a broom going for the price of $99, right? Unless it can be used as a musical instrument and a Shaolin ass-beating pole, I’m not paying $99 for a piece of stick.

But there is a trick that businessmen like to use. Overprice your stuff. This don't always work but you'll thank me for helping you lose your virginity. People are stupid, so you take advantage of them. If you overprice yourself people will think that you HAVE to have something to offer. If they buy you. Do what you want and then proceed to market yourself with a different price, or go through a different distribution channel.

4. Place

Place sometimes is also referred to as a distribution channel. Why is this important? Imagine this, you’re from a working class family with an allowance of $1000 a month. Where do you go to drink? If you answered, SkyBar or any of those places that are classy, I highly recommend that you take a few steps forward from that SkyBar and jump all the way down to HellBar.

Know your roles, people. If you’re poor, go grab some ass in some cheap ass bars. Beautiful people are exempted from this rule though. Because they are necessities. They go wherever they want and people will still be into them. If we compare them to products, they are similiar to Louis Vuittons. Why not those who lack cash, you ask? Because it's only a matter of time when they see that you're just a poor fuck with nothing to offer.

Me Chinese Good

啊。。直冲我上了新的intake，我觉得我的话语颈部了很多。所以今天我要看一下我到底有多厉害。 说真的，我今晚不知道要写什么。可是我很想很久没有update了。为了我的粉丝，我今晚一定要废话多一点。最精在班里给人发现到了我是很cheap的一个男人，我就讲一些钱的道理吧。啊，我只是面对事实（fact）而已嘛。没钱=cheap啊，不是吗？如果你们想让我开心，请你们多请客以点吧。

好吧，别胡说了。我们现在就继续我们的话题！！！！！！！！

如果我能得到一块钱给我每一次说，“只有那些有钱的人会说钱是不重要的” 我看我现在已经发财了。 我看我来跟你们讲一些道理吧。

我问你。有钱人有想过明天要吃什么吗？有钱人有想过，“啊，明天还要走路去上课。很期待哦！”。有钱人有想过，“啊，明天又要吃鸡扒饭咯，好开心哦！” 没有啊。有钱人有跟朋友坐下来喝茶，然后聊如果他们没钱会做什么吗？也没有啊。有钱人是不会理解的。为什么呢？因为他们没缺过钱啊。 钱不重要？那你们有每天做梦没钱的生活是怎样的吗？是不是没有？那。。。你他妈的跟我卷！

就是这样我才会说有钱人是不会明白穷人的想法。你们没缺过钱。

我们这些没钱的人啊就跟你们不一样。我们每天都有做梦到有钱了之后我们会想要做什么。我们的梦想已经计划了好好的。想要什么买车，买什么房子，买什么女人。。啊对不起说错话了。。。如果小孩子看到了刚才我打的字，俊杰哥哥想说一声对不起啊。啊，其实不用说对不起啦。反震你们十二岁的时候也会知道这个道理了。唉，追经的年轻人真的没家教！！超级白！

以后我有钱呢，我要买一件家用巧克力做的。如果我住到闷了就把他吃掉。这件家呢，每个房间都有一个女人等着我上！厕所大便之后我要用美景来查屁股（wipe ass）。我会给钱给侯佩岑在节目上说我特别帅。周杰伦每年都要写个送我。一定是要主打曲。啊，不要拉，我在这是很不要面子可是我在真的生活不是这样的。啊，我看我会拿那些钱给所有世界的人。一个人一千块美景。我要他们每天说吃大便会变比较帅。妈的，我不信过了那个时候会没有人吃大便。。
哦，还有一个。我要每天请super juni儿和抱了几了比而脱（paulgilbert）来我家开演唱会。。。。也让他说我帅。

操，我真不要脸。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who don't read Chinese, I've had the courtesy of bitchslapping the whole thing above into Yahoo Babelfish which translated the whole thing for you. God bless the internet (and free porn).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The direct impact on me new intake, I had thought that my words pate have been many. Therefore I must look that today I have fiercely. Said really, I did not know tonight must write anything. But I very wanted very for a long time not to have update. For mine bean or sweet potato starch noodles, I want tonight certainly idle talk many spots. Finest discovered in the class for the human I was a cheap man, I spoke some money the truth. , I only am face the fact (fact). Not money =cheap, not right? If you want to let me be happy, asks you to treat by.

Good, do not talk nonsense. We continue our topic now!!!!!!!!

If I can obtain one dollar each time to say for me, “only then these rich people will say that the money will be unimportant” I thought I already got rich now. I thought that I come with you to speak some truths.

I ask you. The rich man has had thought what tomorrow can eat? The rich man has thought that “, must walk tomorrow attends class. Anticipates very much!”. The rich man has thought that “, must eat the chicken tomorrow to eat, good happy!” Not. The rich man has with the friend sits down drinks tea, then chats, if what they won't have the money to make? Also does not have. The rich man will not understand. Why? Because they have not been short of money. The money is unimportant? Then you have a dream the money life have been every day what kind of? ? That. . . Your his mother curls with me!

Will be this I will only then say that the rich man will not understand poor person's idea. You have not been short of money.

Our these money's person has been dissimilar with you. We will have every day have a dream after rich we will have wanted to make anything. Our dream had already planned well. Wants anything to buy the vehicle, buys any house, buys any woman. . Sorry speaks incorrectly the words. . . If the child saw I had hit a moment ago the character, handsome outstanding elder brother wants to say sorry. , Did not need saying that actually sorry. Instead shakes you 12 year-old time also will know this truth. Oh, pursues after young people really does not have the family education!! Super white!

Later I will be rich, I must buy a home use chocolate to do. If I lived stuffily to have eaten him. This family, each room has a woman to wait for on me! After restroom bowel movement, I must use the beautiful scene to look up the buttocks (wipe ass). I to the money to Hou Peicen at the program will say that I will lead specially. Zhou Jielun wants to write every year to deliver me. Certainly is must advocate hits the tune. , Do not pull, I in this am do not attach great importance to face-saving very much, but I in the real life am not this. , I thought that I will take the human who these money will give all worlds. A person 1000 beautiful scene. I wanted them to say every day ate the bowel movement to be able to change quite graceful. The mother, I did not believe has met nobody to eat the bowel movement at that time. . Oh, but also has one. I must invite super every day the juni son and hug several have compared escape (paulgilbert) to come my family to hold the concert. . . . Also let him say that I led.

Holds, I am not concerned about face really.

Lazy

Go read gapnap's latest post. I contributed a little to it. If you've worshiped me enough you should be able to see which part of it did I write. It's scattered all over the place, though. Anyway, have fun and be safe.

And by the way.... PAUL GILBERT WAS IN SINGAPORE OH MY FUCKING GOD?!?!?!?! I only knew about this one week before he was coming so it was too late for all those passport bullshit and planning stuff.



edit: wtf I don't know how to make the video above smaller. Sometimes I wonder why am I even in a computing-related course. My stupidity greatness baffles even myself.

Hope

Hope. This feeling is amazingly beautiful. It gets us through each day, we believe everything will be better tomorrow. Hope is like thinking that we can find a sack of gold hiding in between that pile of rubbish outside our house. Hope motivates us to do our best. We WILL beat about our rubbish bin expecting that fat sack of gold. But fret not for even if hope fails us this time, it will come into play right after it decides we're not worthy of the gold. Instantaneously, it tells us that the sack of gold might be there tomorrow, or the day after and maybe one after that. We will then shrug it off and go on living as if despair and loss never existed that day.

Everyone knows that there are two sides to a coin and hope unfortunately, is not exempted.

Hiding behind the beauty of that belief is another side shrouded by ugliness and danger. Viewing the above example realistically, hope is like believing we'll lead a life worth telling our grandsons even when now we're plagued with poverty and loss. Hope forcibly carves a smile on our face when we are in the deep abyss of despair. Hope blinds us with a veil so thick we can't differentiate an elephant from a mouse. Wealth from poverty. Loss from gain.

"Naive" is what I told myself when confronted with hope. Hope leads us to choose ignorance over wisdom. When something is wrong, we tell ourselves that everything will be alright.

"Don't worry, be happy." Bobby McFerrin sings.

Without any qualms, hope opens up doors to a perception of a beautiful life, but it renders us vulnerable to being made a fool. Remember when dad promised you a PS2 if you aced that Maths paper and broke that promise? Remember when your girl promised happiness and she too, broke that promise? Remember when your boss promised you increased wages and he TOO, broke that promise? What happened after that? Let me tell you what happened. Hopes are shattered, fools are born, lies are told, egos bruised.

I see hope as being naive and foolish but yet, I can't live without hope. Neither can you. All of us live hoping for a better tomorrow. Human beings start each of their day full of hope. It's menacingly fascinating, really. Hope provides you with the energy to brave against all odds just to survive to see the day when your hopes are realized. Revolutions didn't start because people thought it's hopeless. Medicines weren't researched because doctors felt hopeless. Ultimately, suicide bombers didn't kill themselves just to say, "Fuck you!" to the Americans. They had hope. A dangerous one. But who are we to judge? Dying for their hope might be the most beautiful thing in their mindset.

Even with this knowledge, how can we overcome this adversity?

Most of us choose to believe that ignorance is bliss. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. People resist changes because of this. Pain aversion, some call it. Hope causes us to be so dangerously stupid we can just launch a nuclear bomb with our stupidity. People avoid pain in the present at the cost of increased pain in the future.

Being in charge is sometimes painful. Seeing people and things for what they are hurts, especially when they're painted in a negative light. Then again, we have to be wise. Know what's worth fighting for and what's not. Make your calculations, do your maths. Don't invest your hope on useless relationships or businesses. I don't know if you believe in gravity, but when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does.

This quote has been thrown around endlessly and it's getting a little tiring, but I believe that it is most fitting to end this post with this:

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope will drive a man insane.” ~Red to Andy, from the movie,"The Shawshank Redemption"

Once a Snake, Always a Snake

A girl was strolling across the park one fine afternoon. Halfway throughout the journey, a snake slowly lurked in front of her. Initially scared, this girl immediately shut her eyes tightly and prayed that this menace will mind its own business and let her be.

Few seconds passed and she slowly opened her eyes, hoping that the worst was over. Unfortunately, the snake was still there, slithering gracefully in circles just a few steps away from her. She felt that this snake was different from the others.

She looked at the snake carefully from head to tail. Its scales were perfectly toned and beautiful. Its fiery red eyes were less intimidating and instill no fear at all. These features are so perfect they were inviting the girl to pet the snake on the head. But everyone knows that a snake bites.

Less calculated but still cautious, the girl asked the snake, "Will you bite me if I pet you?"

The snake smiled and said, "No, of course not."

Doubts filled her mind and she commented, "But all snakes bite. This is a never changing fact."

The snake responded, "You are correct. But look at me, do I look like a snake that can bite?"

Mesmerized by its beauty, the girl didn't think twice but petted it on its head almost immediately. In an instance, the snake bit her hard, so hard that the girl fell down on the buttocks. She screamed, "WHY DID YOU BITE ME? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT?"

The snake calmly replied, "You knew I was a snake when you first saw me. What did you expect?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can never change someone into who they aren't. The worst thing you can think of is that you are so great you can help change a person. The real changes come from themselves, not a shit you do is going to affect them. And no, temporary changes don't count cause we're talking about permanent changes. Stop kidding and tricking yourselves, a snake will always be a snake.

The Man and A Coward

A lot of people assume that I'm generally an undisputed asshole based on the lies that I fabricate on this blog. What they don't know, is that what I write are only lies if it doesn't make your life any better. You think what I say doesn't make sense? Then by all possible means, treat them as lies. If these penned words somehow do seem rational, then treat it as the truth. It's always consoling knowing that people share the same views and principles as you, no? Human nature hard at work here, making us group with people that we can relate to while ousting ones who differ from us. I don't blame you, I do that too. Tribalism is working its magic all around us everyday.

The above may sound a little bit unrelated to the title but please let me rationalize. I've been asked a question and amazingly, I didn't know how to answer. Maybe it's because the answer is not thoroughly defined and that it's just a concept established by different perceptions. I'm quite sure that the answer to the question I'm about to present will vary greatly depending on the point where you are looking at this from. I'm really trying to find who agrees with my views so please help me out?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paul lives in America. He's a man's man. If Bruce Lee is still alive today he will be polishing Paul's shoes cause he's even manlier than Bruce without the trademark,"watahhhh~~wochooo~" howls. Paul is not afraid to uphold his views and principles. He isn't very calculated and at times, impulsive. Moreover, he is not threatened by the word Fear and is not afraid to go one on one with Fear in Street Fighter 4. People bully him but he makes sure they walk away with at least an extra hole to defecate from. In other words, he's manly.

Marty lives in an Asian country. He's a man's.... woman. People look down on this poor soul cause he's been subjected to various social norms and thus labelled as a coward. He doesn't stand up for his views if any physical harm is present. Maybe he's just lazy to get into trouble and wasting precious time arguing over feeble matters that rewards him with nothing other than "face". But he is precise, he thinks ahead. He knows what he should do to save his cowardly ass.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you can see, Paul and Marty lives on two different part of the planet's big face. Also, their personalities are evidently a far cry from each other's. Today, they're put in this similar stage where the scripts and lines of the antagonists are basically the same.

One fine night, the protagonist had a squabble with 5 guys just outside the bar. These drunkards accused the protagonist of something that he did not do. Things got out of hand cause when you're high on alcohol, men prefer to think (and also walk) sideways. And to make things interesting, the protagonist has his girlfriend by his side when God decided to make a blockbuster movie (not forgetting a blog update) out of his life tonight.

Below is how each man responded to the situation:

Paul unquestionably stood up for himself. You know what's worse about getting into an argument with drunkards? It's not realizing that drunkards usually comprehend "NO" as an invitation to land their fists on the opposing team. Immediately, the 5 men sprung on Paul similar to how a lion invited himself to partake in an sexual intercourse with a lioness. Only that this one involves no genitals, only clenched fists. Paul refused to back down and apologize for what he didn't do, and resumed getting beaten into a pulp. To cut all the action short, he ended up in a hospital suffering injuries. His life is in danger, this guy might actually die. But his girlfriend saw the manliness in him and her love and devotion for him increases. He is forever recognized as the guy who sacrificed for his belief and died a true man.

Marty on the other hand, cowardly apologized and tried to settle the restless drunkards. He reasoned with them briefly but everyone knows you don't reason with 5 gorillas out to make your life a living hell. To make matters worse, he even said, "Sorry for all the troubles I've caused." to these men. He walked away unscathed but his pride was smashed into oblivion. His girlfriend saw him as a coward. He lives on only to see his girlfriend leaving in another man's car. What she didn't see, is that he somehow protected his girlfriend from being potentially harmed by these drunkards. Or is he thinking too much? Thinking too far ahead? Maybe these drunkards didn't even think about hurting the girlfriend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Which path will you tread on? Paul's or Marty's? It's true that I'm definitely not sitting on a fence with this one, and I'm veering towards Marty's side. All of you who've seen me in real life before might know that I might even lose in a fight with a cat. Remember, most of the time.. even when you win, you lose too.

Oh, did you realize that I didn't curse at all in this post?!?!??!!

Guy Debates. Obviously Wins

Debates. Not many people realize this, especially kids, but debates are something we adults indulge in just to make ourselves sound smart and matured. People always think they know best, but they forgot that in this blog, I am the fucking reincarnation of Socrates. This is weird but a debate is only called a debate when I win and you lose. I will then consider myself owning if my godlike enormous brain totally shut your fucking mouth up in the process. Extra points for me too if you cry on the floor, weeping like the sad fuck that you are.

Anyway, some smart bitch decided to challenge me for the heavyweight title of boasting, lying and making up baseless facts. Little did she know that she was up against the offspring of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin if they were gay and had the abilities to give birth. It was like Hell In A Cell except that Vince McMahon decided that I'm gonna walk out the winner. Coincidentally, I was in a mood to bitch, and you never anger a person who's high on bitch-pills. She was in for the most electrifying debate in the history of social-status charged entertainment.

Being the usual asshole that I am, I was worshiping money and the endless peace that it brings to this ugly world. She then decided to say the one thing that I hate most and that's:

"Money isn't everything, you can't buy everything with money."

WELL GOD SAVE OUR FUCKING SOULS BUT WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I HEAR THIS, IT'S FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING WHO HAS SHITLOADS OF MONEY?

If Paul Gilbert allowed me to, I could've bitchslapped that pussy straight to the moon through my phone. Immediately, I jammed my clenched fist into my head and proceed to flick the "bullshit switch" on. On its way out, my hand also switched on the "pretend" button to increase my guard against the stupidity that is her. Below are five things that she said money can't buy. Following closely are the things I said to prove that the world now has one extra stupid dumbfuck.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Money can't buy happiness.

If I had a pussy everytime I hear this, I could've opened a whorehouse so big that it encompasses West Malaysia (Singapore included). Money CAN buy happiness. Ever heard of retail therapy? I heard it works wonders. Ever heard of pussies? Well aren't you happy now that I'm telling you that you can buy them. I'm stopping here cause there's just no point in giving more examples. Cause I told her that it's ironic that she brought up this point right after she told me she's so happy that she shopped at mid valley and bought shitloads of items just a day before.

2. Money can't buy love.

If you haven't already know, love is sort of like business. Let's say you're one ugly son of a bitch (I know you're not, cause only smart beautiful people reads this blog), you've got no game and nobody's suitable for you. Now, let's compare you with a mamak stall. You only know one dish and that is Maggie Goreng. Obviously, only Maggie Goreng lovers will come to you. But if you've got the money, you can hire a Burger guy to assist you and voila! You've expanded your target market! With money, you can dress yourself up and cater to different tastes, different people. With so many fish in your fucking pond, it's not so hard now to find your loved one now isn't it?

3. Money can't buy health.

This is stupid. I refuse to believe that I stooped this low to argue about this poorly thought out point. What the fuck are vitamins for? What are the clinics for? What are the monthly checkups for? What are health insurances for? Why do they cost money? I thought you said health can't be bought?! Why isn't it accessible to poor kids in Africa and everywhere else? Oh yeah, why does Appeton Weightgain(adult) costs over a hundred? Fuck this shitty point.

4. Money can't buy time.

When you look at this from a certain perspective (the unimaginative one) it sounds kinda realistic. For a second there, I thought I was going to tread down the path straight to loserville. BUT! Did the Americans just say, "Oh I guess we'll have to tolerate monster hentai rape and shit-eating porn from now on :(" when the Japs fucking demolished East Asia? Did Super Mario weep and cried with Luigi when flying turtles are about to stop them from getting laid by that princess? NO! This man will not go down without a fight!

My bullshit machine was overheating I thought I was gonna vomit brain matter and meet Paul Gilbert up in the clouds. There was never really a question though, only an equation:

From point 3,
Money = Health

Health = Longevity
Longevity = Time

Therefore, Money = Time

If you can't buy the past? Why not extend it? Why not buy the future?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, I saved the world once again. With another mouth firmly shut, mother earth was finally able to go on spinning on its orbit without having to worry about the plague that is stupidity. The best of all? The 2 minutes silence between me and her after I let her taste what a Stone Cold stunner is like, in words. Okay I'll be honest today, I was laughing like a brainless maniac inside.

EDIT: I forgot a point, will update as soon as I ask about it. Damn, the worst thing you could do to a person is to ask them to relive that shameful moment that they're trying so hard to forget. Fuck me.

Me Wants Be Retard

A lot of movie going fags are going to go all out and make sure I go to hell for this, but I’ve just watched Forrest Gump a couple of weeks ago. Gee, even my not so English educated brother has seen it, maybe I do really deserve to die. Fuck it, nobody’s gonna stop me from writing this anyway.

The movie is really, REALLY touching. I almost had an interesting conversation with my brother that night over a glass of teardrops but being the man that I am, I didn’t cry. Maybe I have a soft spot for mentally retarded people. Then again, I’ll just resort to the option that I am indeed a sensitive and loving man. For those of you who (except me) doesn’t know what the movie is about, this flick is on how by just being honest and following your heart, everything good will comes to you and you’ll live a fairly interesting life with free pussy (albeit only one) thrown at you.

Obviously, what Forrest went through is very fucking impossible. Now kids, don’t let this movie be your excuse for being stupid and retarded. Everybody knows nobody gets THAT far in life for just being ignorant not to mention, retarded. Let’s get real, people. Yes, it gives you hope for being stupid but I strongly insist that these kind of stuff only happen to you when there’s a crew filming you and your boring lives.

Like every other TV series that has major twists in their stories (I’m looking at you, 24, Lost and Prison Break), this one has that twist that just makes you wanna scream, “OOMPH!”

Ironically, I wish I’m retarded at times. I’m serious, instead of finding the cure for AIDS why don’t doctors make pills that make you stupid and retarded for only a certain period of time. Oh wait, they did it already. I forgot the miracle and hard work of men called ecstasy pills and Johnny Walkers.

I guess that’s why people drink their sorrows away. Your mind needs to be blank once in awhile at the expense of getting ridiculed at when you make love with the pavement and your puke by the street. Believe me, I’ve seen many strong and eager men fell in the battle against the evil that is liquor. Strangely, they’re always accompanied by statements like,

“HAHAHA let’s take a picture with him while he’s drunk, while flashing the peace sign.”
“I’m glad I have a Facebook account. Thank you, God.”

I want to be retarded like Forrest Gump, living life without any care. My brain screams for me to let him have a well deserved rest. My eyes refuse to let me see things as they are. My tongue wants to reject the pain and insecurity that is the future. My sense of touch wants to snub the boredom in everything I do. The liar in me wants to stop lying without guilt. You took everything I have, but why not my brain?

Anybody wants to drink? Only if you treat, though.

God Decides to Punish Your Favourite Writer

After 22 years of frequent masturbation compiled together with weaving intelligent lies, my sins have finally caught up to me. As I sit here writing this, I'm comtemplating calling my dad now as he sleeps to apologize about all those nights I said, "No la I sleep at 1-2am everyday one. Very healthy."

Now God comes comes barging in telling me that he CAN and WILL fuck me up cause I've been sleeping at 5-6am for the past 4 months. Paul Gilbert, please save me from this obscenity that is:

Talking to Girls

If you know me as well as how you know your favorite Korean idols more than your mom, you will notice that I am fucking terrible with words. To put it in layman’s term, otherwise known as “very fucking simple”, I’m bad at conversations. To serve as a reference, my definition of conversations only consists of 4 words: You talk, I listen. But to redeem my genetic shortcomings, I’d like to say that I’m a little better at talking to males. Now, I understand that there’s an underlying tone that I might actually be gay but let me assure you I’m as straight as any straight male porn stars.

If you have a brain the size of an average human, you would’ve noticed that this is about why I just can’t strike a decent conversation with a female.

First off, I’m not a featherweight champion when it comes to talking. Sorry, but I don’t consider “big mouth” as one of my personal features. I don’t feel the need to tell them what the fuck I’m doing these days or which set of boobs is the biggest out of the bunch sitting across us. I’m just socially handicapped, perhaps. You see, when I talk to guys you can spew enough bullshit to fertilize the whole Sarawakian jungle. Topics can range from masturbation to debauchery and so on. But then when I’m talking to girls, I’m limited to just these:

1. How was your day?
2. What’re you gonna do?
3. I wonder what makes you so special? (also known as “Do you squirt?”)

Obviously there’s more to that but I’m just giving you examples. But that’s not the point. The fucking point is I can’t talk freely and I’ll to lie to myself into believing that I’m actually a polite fool who actually aren’t interested in knowing the size of your bra. Honestly, if you’re a human with testosterones pumping into your body at short intervals, you’ll be wanting to talk about games, sex and not forgetting how Stone Cold used to be so fucking badass. That’s all I wanna talk about.

Girl thinks shopping is fun. I think Paul Gilbert is God. Girls think their recent visit to the manicure shop was worth it. I think Paul Gilbert is secretly getting it on with Leah Dizon. But then again, it’s alright if you’re the one who’s talking about this. But don’t expect me to chip in and tell you how I tried this shirt on that day and felt like the most handsome man in this part of the world.

Face-to-face conversations are the best cause I’ll can superbly feign interest and act like I actually cared if you think dogs are cute. MSN conversations are better, because there’s this little “X” button on the top right corner of your chat window and the “FUCK TMNET I DISCONNECTED LAST NIGHT” argument. Other than that, there’s always the “Eh my mom called me. She wants to talk.” excuse which can buy you time to surf for some porn. And what’s better is that it’s the same with phone calls.

You might think that I’m doing pretty good for my standards but let me tell you this. It all falls apart when the girl is the quiet type. DAMN! I thought after living for 22 years in the 21st century it is an unspoken fact that girls are the loudest mammals to ever walk on the face of earth? These girls expect you to talk about things that they can actually relate to and if Einstein was smarter, he would’ve come up with this hypothesis:

Girls’ interest does not equal to Guys’ interest. Therefore, girls have to talk more.

I’m an asshole for ending this here. I have no idea on how to continue. To shortly put this, my opinions are already justified.

Guitar Heroes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Semester Break... My Balls

After the recent emotional outburst, a certain part of me have told me to calm the fuck down. Regardless of what insight you guys shared in my last post, I’d like to say thanks for even reading the shit that I spew every other week. It really means a lot. But if you’re gonna ask me to treat you something to eat, consider yourself blacklisted in my list of friends.

It occurs to me (once again) that I haven’t been blogging about other “worldly” matters regularly. But fuck it lah you guys would understand, right? It’s not like a the world revolves around my hatred for the world and whatnot. So I’m gonna talk about myself again today.

If you’ve paid more attention than a common monkey you would’ve noticed that I’ve said in my last post that this is one of the most boring holiday I’ve ever had. This is what my timetable looks like:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12-7pm:
I wake up and have lunch. My laptop would start screaming at me begging me to open it and go online, and I always comply. If nobody calls me out, then I’ll stay online dicking around the internet until….

7pm-5am:
Mom calls me down for dinner. If I’m feeling like a dickhead I wouldn’t eat until 8 or 9. My phone usually don’t ring so I’ll go back online, wait for the missus if I’m feeling bored. If not I’d sometimes forget the missus' existence. For some reason I’ll only bath when she comes online. Yeah I’m that fucking weird. After the missus goes to sleep I’ll stay online, maybe watch PPS with my brother if there’s anything interesting. Then I sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don’t ask me what the hell do I do on the internet. Sometimes I don’t even fucking know. Maybe that’s why they call it surfing. But in their case, those surfers are prone to getting shitfucked by sharks or jellyfishes. Me? Unfortunate encounters with gay porn, I assume. I swore off gutterpost a fucking long time ago and I’ve revisited the site again after a certain Samuel Law fucking became a fan of gutterpost in facebook. As any testosterone-filled human being would do, yours truly clicked on the link and began browsing again. Seems like they uploaded new sex tapes again!!! Paul, thank you for answering my prayers!!

Sprinkled with a little bit of limteh sessions that juggles between my friends and my brother, that’s all I’ve done for the past month. Can’t wait to get out of this fucking hellhole. My fellow West Malaysian friends, the King is coming back to KL baby! Until college really starts, I think I’ll have around two weeks to play around. Oh wait, play around means that I do basically the same shit that I do back here in Sarawak, just that things are more livelier. Maybe it’s the people. And the constant road rage that entertains me.

Damn, all these look very jumbled up. For those of you who didn’t understand what the hell was that all about. It’s how a not-so-normal college kid lives his life for 20+ days during his not-so-needed holiday break.

Many Things

My guitar playing sucks. We're boring the fuck out of each other. Life is boring when there's no challenges. I want to see you for who you are, not what I want you to be but it's difficult. I want to see myself for what I am but this is difficult too. I need to grow some balls. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with this shitty certificate when I'm done here. I wanna get the fuck out of this country. I wanna live a simple life but people call that unambitious. I wanna rock but I'm fucking lazy and choosy. I'm such a pussy. You think I really trust you? Am I holding up just for show, I guess I'll just eat what I can. My licks are boring, Paul Gilbert starting to inspire less, maybe it's cause I'm playing a goddamn Squire now. This is one of the most boring holiday in my life. Someone tell me a tried and tested diet to gain weight, seems like no shop carries 27s anymore. Fuck my life. Once a liar, always a liar. Fuck my life. I'm bored. Fuck my life. If I suck at guitar what the fuck do I have, I don't know. Complaining is useless, I know. Fuck me, fuck me now, fuck me like how you did it last time. Tell me I'm right. I SUCK AT GUITAR FUCK WHATELSE CAN I FUCKING DO IF I SUCK AT IT. End.

Don't Understand

Like I said before, there are a lot of weird shits going on in this world that is just too difficult for us mere humans to understand. If you're wondering what the fuck I've said before, it's shit eating porn. But I'm not going to babble about that today, since it's fucked up and puke-inducing. This post is about the things that other people like, but I just can't comprehend the appeal of these activities or items to other people. Things that are so horribly repulsive I get shivers thinking about them.. Well, it's not that serious but here are those things:


1. People who say they smoke cause they're stressed.

This is seriously fucked up to maximum proportions. I have no beef with smoking but smoking does not relief stress. Besides, if you've never smoked before how the hell did you know that smoking does relief stress? Smoking is fun and at times visually stunning (Paul Gilbert doesn't but the whole fucking Beatles smoked so it's deemed cool). Never believe an asshole who says they smoked cause they're stressed. Deep inside their soul they know they took that first stick of death just cause it feels good. Either that or they have fucked up friends.

2. Guys who go to clubs to meet girls.

Unless you're going to drink and have fun with friends (no girls, they're fucking troublesome), this is stupid. You might as well spend that RM200 and above on prostitutes rather than going to clubs hoping to fuck someone. Why would anyone want to get themselves into a pool of competition with another 200 other dumbfucks in a club? Plus, due to the course of nature you'll have to treat girls drinks and shit. Show off that pile of cash which is non-existent. Girls are fucking troublesome. You bring girls there, they're just there to drink your shit and make out with other guys. Bring your girlfriend? You'll have to keep an eye out for her cause chances are she'll fuck up/get fucked up.


3. Nail art.

Yes, those long nail extensions that not only make it a pain in the ass when you're typing or doing daily chores, but also makes me wanna punch you in the face when you're grabbing my dick trying to work on my lightsaber. Damn it's like some alien from Star Wars is trying to blow me. I mean come on, what does nail art do?! WHAT THE FUCK IS ITS PURPOSE IN OUR LIFE?!? It doesn't make you less fat. It doesn't make you taller. Doesn't bring free plastic surgery money to the table. All it does is make me include this shit in this post.

4. Football fans

I know some people worship football but why don't you fucking idolize local Malaysian teams? I honestly think that the quality of local teams are deteriorating just cause even MALAYSIANS don't support them. Who the hell watches the local league? Not me for sure, cause I don't watch football. I guess for them it's like, "Why the fuck bother improving? Since even Malaysians don't like Malaysian football I might as well just do a flying kick every 10 minutes and go home watch Astro." My point is, I don't understand why people support a team so far away that has no connection to them whatsoever other than the fact that the particular club is successful.

5. Twitter/Facebook Updates

Now this is a global abomination. Right now as I type, some "friend" of mine is updating his status telling people what the fuck he's up to. No, I don't wanna know what the fuck you're up to. If I wanted to, I would've just called you or talked to you on MSN. It's okay to update once in awhile but 3-4 times in a day? Jump off the nearest window, please. I think it's narcissism at play here. Everyone wants to think that facebook revolves around they're status updates. I'd like to tell them their updates revolves about me wanting to put my keyboard in their faces.


6. People who subscribe to blogs.

I don't subscribe to blogs. I think it defeats the element of surprise that comes with updates. I don't know, but it makes me feel good everytime I see that someone has updated and I didn't receive some fucking e-mail telling me that someone updated. Yeah it's just me, I think. I know gapnap updates once every three days but I still check everyday cause if he updates out of his schedule.. Somehow it makes me feel happy inside. Gee that sounded fucking gay.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have more to say but this post is getting too damn long for the regular standard. If you think I'm wrong with these things then fucking tell me why please. Help me understand why the fact I wanna kill so many people based on these perceptions is wrong.

Back At Home

Alright I know nobody missed me during this half month period that I'm not updating. But the fucking reason I didn't update for so long is cause nobody missed me at the first place. To all my four to five readers, fuck you guys for not commenting on my official Paul Gilbert tribute post. It really hurt me, y'know.. to know that you guys will rot in hell and me enjoying my time with the big man himself up there when I die. I tried to lead you guys to the right path but NOOOOOO you insist!!!! NOOOOO you didn't comment. Don't go screaming at me for not saving your asses when judgement day comes.

Anyway, let's get to the less important things. I didn't update cause I've had an exam, spent time with people and these two are definitely more important than this damned blog. Now I'm getting fucked by thick haze back in my hometown at Sarawak. I'm not sure if it's the phlegm stuck at my throat from all that coughing or the haze, but every cigarette I smoke tastes like shit. And no, my town is not fucking Kuching. Seems like every West Malaysian thinks the whole Sarawak is synonymous with Kuching. It's like this:

"Hey I'm from Sarawak."
"Oh Kuching ah I wanna go there omg omg blow me!"

It's comments like these that make me wanna slam my face onto the pavement. Yeah I am that annoyed.

I still don't know what this post is about. I guess it's just a random update about how much time I have for updating for I'm so damn bored right now. Oh yeah I started playing The Sims 3! And I made a character who is currently a Pop Icon(level 9) of his music career. No free cookies for guessing what my character's name is, though. It should be fucking obvious.

Oh yeah, I found this little gem the other day before I came back from KL. You know, just when you realise there's so much more impossible feats you have to master on your quest to conquer the guitar world, someone raises the standard again by including new creative shit into the big book of guitar playing. I hate this shit. Do you know that now you have to dance and play guitar at the same time? Yeah sounds like bullshit but apparently this all-chicks Japanese rock band is doing it. And honestly, it's visually pleasing. Check the video below.



Did I tell you they do this live too? Now that's intimidating. One more thing, I like the drummer chick but only when she's playing under the rain. You have to wonder how magical the rain is cause it makes your face looks better. I guess the hottest out of them all is the lead vocalist.

Official Paul Gilbert Tribute Post

This is going to be a lengthy post on one of my biggest heroes. If you have read at least 5 posts here, you should know by the first sentence that I’m gonna talk about Paul Gilbert (again). I strongly accept the fact that every guitarist should have an official tribute post to Paul Gilbert as the truth. Yeah, I’ve been worshipping and promoting/exaggerating Paul Gilbert’s name to no end in this blog and THIS will be my official tribute post to the one true American hero that I recognize.

This is very vague, and shameful to me but I honestly forgot how I got to know Paul Gilbert. But if memory serves me right, I first heard of his name through Zack Kim’s blog. Either he linked or cited him as an influence or it’s just his PGM that had me looking up and down in the internet. At that time, the first picture I saw of Paul is his cover for the Spaceship One CD. He was in an astronaut’s suit and I stupidly dismissed him as an asshole. Or a wannabe.

Time went on and I finally get to try and listen to guitar instrumentalists like Steve Vai. The first instrumental that I really liked is Tender Surrender but that’s it. Vai was a weirdo to me back then, like a pedophile or something with his freaky smile. So I decided to move on to other guitarists. Naturally, Paul Gilbert’s name came up and I downloaded GOOMY. I listened to the first 1 minute and 38 seconds and decided this guy is the second coming of Christ that everyone is talking about.

Then I listened to his other solo stuff starting from SFBADR and worked back from there before settling on Racer X and Mr. Big. As you guys know, I’m a little bit of a stalker so for almost a year now, I wake up every morning and check paulgilbert.com and search youtube for latest videos with the tag “paul” and “gilbert”. People have coffee or cereals for breakfast but I fucking have Paul Gilbert for breakfast. I don’t know, but that alone spells INTENSE (or maybe Paul’s number 1 Malaysian fan)

Enough of that, now I’ll share why I adore Paul so much like a fat kid loves cake. You know when your girlfriend says, “It’s what inside that matters.” That’s bullshit, the outer appearance will speak louder no matter how much of an angel you are. What I wanna say is, I like Paul cause he pretty much fits in the rocker persona. Tall, thin, the rocker hair, long fingers, so-so fashion but good enough. He’s not that bad looking too, for a shredder. Besides, he has a Jap for a wife and that is always cool. Before you dwell on any perverse thoughts, no, I’m not saying that it’s cool just cause you can talk about tentacle rape and all those disgusting shit with your Jap wife.

The coolest thing about Paul is that he doesn’t discriminate. He doesn’t limit himself to just a genre. He plays metal (Racer X), blues (Raw Blues Power album), modern rock (every album), maybe a little psychedelic (I’m Free from the United States album, jazz (Six Billion People), pop (2 Become 1), classical (his Rip Off songs), funk (Bultaco Saturno), maybe a little techno too (Echo Song). Most importantly, he listens to the Beatles too!!!! Sure every shredder listens to the Beatles but Paul makes it clear to everyone that he likes the Beatles, unlike other shredders. Honestly, saying you don’t like the Beatles is like saying you like to play first person shooters but you don’t like CS. In this case, if you like music you FUCKING HAVE TO like the Beatles.

Lastly, I like his style and personality. Paul, I know the good guy thing is just a gimmick, you like to say fuck as much as I do but I respect you so I’ll let you off the hook this time. But anyway, he’s willing to share his knowledge, has a good sense of humor and he does not like sweep picking that much. Besides, he can play fast and clean. Excellent dynamics. Cool licks. Visually excellent gears (PGMs). Keyboard shredder wife. Nice vibratos. An excellent variety of rock faces, all greatly executed on stage.

How does he inspire me? Almost every time I listen to his songs whether I’m in the car or wherever, it makes me wanna instantly pick up the guitar and play (And I do play, mind you). This is fucking true. I don’t know why but there’s so much to learn (steal) from him. I found something new every time I listen to his songs. I wanna be like Paul so much. I wanna string skip even though my genetic limitations doesn’t allow me to. I wanna alternate pick even though I’m not that clean. I wanna copy his rock faces although my nose isn’t sharp enough and my hair isn’t straight and brown. I wanna own all his gears even though a lot of fuckers keep saying “tone is in the fingers”. Fuck you guys, I don’t care if I’m just “another Paul Gilbert copy”. I don’t mind, I love Paul! And thus ends my official tribute to Paul Brandon Gilbert.

p.s. I’m sorry I downloaded all your albums Paul, I’m fucking cheap and poor. No credit cards and whatsoever. But I will reaaaaaaally get your AF2 Flanger if it ever comes to Malaysia. Damn cool shit.

On Fishing

I took to the lake
And tread the waters at the side
Little did I know
That it's so deep underneath

I took to the lake
And saw a beautiful fish
Little did I know
That I wasn't so lucky

I took to the lake
And the fish finally took my bait
Little did I know
That I was to be fooled

I took to the lake
And the fish poisoned my catch
Little did I know
That fish belongs to another man

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, I pity men who are so eager in catching fishes, but never realizing that the fish was only there just because there wasn't any food at the other side of the lake. Joyfully, he will go home thinking he's all grand and almighty.. plotting his next move, how to cook it, dress it, serve it. Little did he realize, he is only a part of a bigger scheme that is ongoing. Little did he know, he was only used because the other fisherman was sleeping on his job. The fish is back in my pail, mate. Thanks for warming it for me. Better luck next time!

Glenn Frey Ruined This Post

I wanna blog about something today. But then again, Glenn Frey beat me to what I wanted to tell you guys tonight by 27 years. Which is fucking ages ago. The video is quite gay but I think there is a lot of room for "improvement". Maybe I'll RUIN this song someday. For the time being, let Glenn Frey tell you through his song, what I planned to write.

Succumbed To The Scare

Mix flu, mild fever, sore throat, mild headache and fatigue and what do you get? A fucking worried Chun Kiat. I’m down with these illnesses yesterday but I didn’t really think much about it cause I pretty much get bombarded by these things every time I’m sick. Thanks to a certain Ling Han Wei, he got me all riled up. I was honestly scared like fuck. Before you think too much, no I wasn’t scared that I’m getting ill. I honestly think it’s times like these that the stars aligned and bring the humanity in me out for display. For real though, I was scared that I might be a walking time bomb and my whole apartment will be hosting a H1N1 party.

Obviously, I started contacting every Sri Petaling friends I have on MSN asking for 24 hours clinics’ whereabouts. But then there’s this voice… the middle class society in me, telling me not to go. Apparently, the RM50++ bill is stopping me from going straight away to the clinic. So I sat there, weighing all the pros and cons. Thinking, “Macibai I got so soi or not?!” But then, I put myself in the position of those patients. Fuck, they were probably thinking the same shit too. Makes you wonder how fragile this life is. Everywhere you go there’s a risk of you dying or getting fucked up by mother nature.. or man made technologies.

Damn, I can go to Music Master and get fucking crushed by the guitars that some are probably bigger than me, descend the temple of shred and fall down to my untimely death. Or maybe Sam knock me unconscious and suck my dick until I die (you know you want me). Maybe Paul Gilbert finds out that I’m listening to Guthrie Govan’s Erotic Cakes more than SFBADR and decides to banish me into the fiery depths of hell. Gee, living in the twentieth century sure is a hassle.

Anyway, I went to the clinic and the doctor said it’s just some normal shit. So I can sleep peacefully tonight without infecting everyone a-la Left 4 Dead. FUCK MY RM69 GONE?!?!?!?! CIBAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

End Of Business

Just completed my assignment which consists of two websites, all constructed by copy pasting and editing other people’s work. Oh yeah, two additional documentations but they’re just mappings. Will be going to the college lab and work on it tomorrow/later. Before you guys go running your mouth about how unoriginal I am, please note that the lecturer herself taught us all this. It’s kinda cool though cause it saved me and my coursemates months time of learning basic HTML.

But let’s not talk about my mundane and exaggerated “life is so full of assignments *bawl*”. I’ve got something important to share.

A certain someone recently (by recently I mean most of the time) nagged me about how much I embrace procrastination. Hell yeah, she said I abuse the word cause I said procrastination rhymes with “enjoy your life, relax, be cool.” I’ll TRY to look at it from different perspectives and we’ll see which is better.

She said Malaysia is a place for old people. Okay, I fucking laughed so hard I almost shat my pants the first time I heard that shit. Why? Cause everybody’s always late and procrastinating, relaxing.. like how I put it. We're so laid back we're becoming turtles or something (I told her I listen to Racer X to speed my life up). She also said when there are things to do that are not done yet, it boggles her mind to no end cause there are things to do that are not done yet. THIS, I highly doubt cause for fuck’s sake she isn’t that bright concerning PCs and whatnot. Conclusion, people who procrastinates will have their stress all divided throughout the period until the dateline. It comes everyday, but in small doses. Which may be good. I don’t know, the only time I don’t procrastinate is when I masturbate so I’m not the one to go to for this.

Yeah we all know procrastinating is bad but goddamnit it’s so addictive! Why do your assignment when there are facebook games to be played, guitar licks to be learnt and more importantly, Paul Gilbert videos to watch again and again! Some people work better under pressure and I think I’m one of them. I enjoy not sleeping at night rushing for assignments while listening to Racer X. I enjoy the pressure inside my brain that squeezes all the creative juices out. Goddamn, there’s so many creative bullshit so logical that even the lecturer has to believe it to be written on the last night before the dateline. Oh yeah, did I mention that Paul Gilbert said he likes to work under pressure too? I don’t know where I read it but the interview’s lurking somewhere in ultimate-guitar.com.

I hate giving out yes AND no answers but in this case, I’ll have to opt for that one. Yeah, procrastinating is so fun but it’s best to have your assignment mapped out so that it won’t be THAAAAT hard when the time comes. That’s basically what I did for the assignment this time around and maybe will do so next time around (OH MY GOD A MR. BIG REFERENCE!!!).

p.s. Paul I still love you even though there aren’t any new videos of you surfacing in youtube. Well.. the one that you played Star Spangled Banner outside your balcony is kinda new but that’s a little boring.

p.p.s. Sam i'm looking forward to jam with you and your "Sam and Friends" band so tell me when is the session.

p.p.p.s. I haven't bath for one day. I don't know why I wanna let you guys know this.

Me Ruining People's Song: Part 1

I don’t know what song is this but it’s by Jolin Tsai. Heard this song while I was in a karaoke session. Upbeat song and I think the feel is very great for guitarists like me to ruin. So here it is. This is the second take. Yeah it has mistakes but the first one had too much so I had to retake. Reason: Jolin I’m still considering you as the top Taiwanese chick I’d like to bang!

All that aside, let me briefly tell you what I’ve been up to these days (guitar wise, obviously. I lead a boring life). One good thing lately is that I’m getting inspired by all the wrong people into playing guitar. Yes, Paul Gilbert is still number one but guess who’s number two? IT’S JACKY CHEUNG!!!!! In my humble opinion, I think modern Taiwan-HK pop killed guitar solos completely. I know I know, and I’m aware that guitar solos are still around in these pop songs but they’re so scarce you’d have to squint your eyes so hard like you’re getting fucked up the ass… by a pair of scissors.

I’ve been listening back to my favourite Jacky Cheung songs from my childhood days and I noticed there are interesting solos in his songs back then. In relation to gapnap’s… don’t know which post, forgot already, I agree to the fact that shredding and solos might be back sometime in the near future. But considering the state of Taiwan-HK music, I don’t think the Chinese community will ever be able experience the beauty of the instrument. Well, fuck them lah I’m indifferent in a way cause this shit makes me way cooler than the average Chinese. Better if there’s less Chinese who shreds, fuck competition!

p.s. I think the background of the video is better this time around. No images of a skinny fuck playing guitar and stuff. A Coca Cola thingy (I don’t know what is that called) full of cigarettes is cooler.

You Know You're Busy When

1. You haven’t updated your blog in 3 weeks.

2. You haven’t been regularly checking out the sites you visit daily like:

michaelooi.net
awkwardboners.com
sixthseal.com
vbglau.blogspot.com

3. You don’t play guitar more than half an hour a day.

4. You don’t listen to Paul Gilbert’s Silence Followed By a Deafening Roar for more than 3 times a day.

5. You’re stuck with the online sensation called Dragonica.

6. You haven’t had dinner with your housemates for more than 5 days.

7. You don’t bother asking your housemates, “Eh this weekend got what plan ah?”


All that aside, I still visit gapnap.com and paulgilbert.com religiously every damn day. And if any of you love Paul Gilbert enough you would’ve known that Paul just updated his site a few days ago telling people to buy more of shit and go to his newly added clinics. Well it’s not really significant when you think of it, but hey it’s fucking Paul Gilbert we’re talking about here.

People are afraid of changes, and I think I’ve overcame them in this case. Just a few months ago I was wondering if they’ll be anybody I’ll get along with in my new course. Fuck, this is kinda harsh but it is really easy to make friends when you have no old friends hanging out with you in the class. I remember when I was back in Computing, I’d stick like glue to this one old friend of mine from Sarawak. The daily schedule would be, class> sit together> talk together> go home> guitar> sleep. No spaces for others to chip in, no new friends to be made. Now that we’re separated, I realized that I’ve been going out more than I used to (it’s nice but the thing is I haven’t been going out with that old friend). Which explains point 1 and point 2.


Other than that, I’ve been working quite hard lately. Just found a new job a month ago. Oh boy, the pay isn’t bad so I’m not complaining. The satisfaction is overwhelming too, for I haven’t had a job for almost 1 year I think. One thing for sure, it’s taking up a lot of my own free time. Less time also means no time for friends. So this explains point 5 and point 6.

Obviously, less free time also translates to less guitar playing. For all you Gilbert haters, yes I still do get inspiration from him. But I’d just sit there and play for a maximum of 20 minutes or so. I guess I’m stuck now. It’s like when you know how to sweep pick, you know a lick or two, but getting there is just so hard. Kind of sad and it makes you wanna stick to your old shit. But then, improvements don’t come by itself, no? No doubt, this explains point 3.

Lastly, whatever free time I got I spend them on this new online game my friend introduced called Dragonica. It isn’t exactly THAT fun but fuck, when you’ve got nothing to do everything seems to be fun. Besides, you get to shoot crabs! Nothing much to say here, but this explains point 4 and 5. Oh yeah, partly cause I’m hooked to Greg Howe’s Ascend and rediscovering Guthrie Govan’s Erotic Cakes.

Now I know you all just come here to see sacred and rare Paul Gilbert videos that you are too lazy to look out for. Hell yeah, what’s a reversedkyanon post without a youtube video of Paul, right? Just when I thought I wasn’t inspired, this video made me noodle along the fretboard for an hour or so last night. It is VERY UNRELATED to inspiration but if you know me, you’ll know that I get orgasm just by hearing Paul speak. Here’s the video.

Boy Tells Lie, Girl Not Left Out

It is without any qualms when I say that everyone is a liar. Yes, the one you told your dad about you giving him RM1000 a month for him to “yum cha” counts. It may be a white lie, but fuck you know it is still a lie no matter how you put it. But if you’re serious about it, please look into the mirror and picture a dick on top of your head. Anyways, that’s not the point of this post. I believe boys lie, but less than their female counterparts. Here are some lies that I am GUESSING that everyone has said at least once in their lives.

1. Oh yeah… great… oh yes for sure I was listening, dear.
2. Oh the car bumper isn’t new, dad. I just washed it last night when I came back at 4am after drinking and driving.
3. I was (whatever shit that is not called masturbating) last night while talking to you.
4. You’re my first….
5. Nah, I’m not into any of your girl friends.
6. Oh wow that’s so interesting!
7. Yeah dad I’m going for tuition. Oh yeah if my shirt smells like cigarettes it’s only cause one of my friends smoke. Nope I’m NOT going to cybercafés
8. Mom I need the tuition fees for the ten o clock tuition (which I’ve never attended).
9. Wh-What? What is squirting? Gee I’ve never heard of that term..
10. I love you too.


What, you think I’m just gonna stop there? Think again, motherfuckers. Although 100% of my readers consists of males but I’d like to GUESS what lies girls tell too. As far as I’m concerned, girls tell about the same amount of lies as guys do, or maybe even more. But hell, when she looks at you with those puppy eyes you’ll think that the stars are somehow aligned tonight and she’s telling the fucking truth. Let me educate some of you bastards and shove this principle into your brain: Don’t Trust Anyone.

1. Sense of humor is the main quality I look for in a guy.
2. It’s so big.
3. You’re my first…
4. You’re my fourth *pauses* but this is my first time….
5. Oh he’s just a friend.. who coincidentally says he loves me as a friend, takes me out, buy me expensive shit.
6. I’m not that kind of girl.
7. Hey help me with this bit of assignment tonight? A.K.A. Just do all this shit for me, thanks.
8. Oh yeah I go to clubs to dance, helps me keep fit. But ignore the fact that I drink more than I dance.
9. Heavy metal? Uhh… umm…. I like it! *after two days* Hey is Coldplay heavy metal?
10. I only cheated because he was mean to me.


Anything you wanna add? Just to let you know, I'm glaring intently at my Music Master friends.

Dear Diary,

Last night Paul Gilbert appeared in my dream. He floated down from the sky, accompanied by a couple of angels holding PGMs. Each comes in different colours. I wanted to wrap my hands around neck of the angel holding a PGM401 so that I can have her guitar. I am truly sorry Paul, I will not ever have sinful thoughts again. Anyway, Paul himself held his trusted six string weapon of choice, the Fireman. Rays of light shone upon him the whole time he appeared in flesh. For a moment there, I was scared. I almost peed my pants. But I felt like a prophet, for now I know how all the prophets before me felt. He proceeded to pass me his latest instructional DVD entitled, “Silence Followed By A Deafening Roar Guitar Instructional DVD And Shred Annex.” Then he said to me,

“Slowiehands. Even though your nickname is totally unoriginal, lame and is a play on Eric Clapton’s Slowhand, I will forgive you. Just cause you’re the only one fan who goes to youtube.com everyday without fail, type in Paul Gilbert in the search engine, and proceed to click “Newest” every. fucking. day. You’re a fucking stalker, do you know that?

All that aside, I have realized that you haven’t been writing a tribute post to me in a long time. Now now, that is very sinful, my son. I hope you will realize your sinful ways and repent if you want to ever step foot on the garden of Gilbertdom. Don’t you know? Every Gilbertians will be given all my CDs and DVDs. And they’re free, you cheap fuck. I know you’re thinking if you have to pay for them, you immoral Gilbertian.

That is all I have to say, young one. Go out there and spread Gilbertology. Let hell rain a firestorm upon those who dare blaspheme against me. And force them to sit in your car and listen to Viking Kong at least 6 times. This DVD is a gift for you. A revelation, you may say. Now go, my son. Go~~~~~”

Then he floated back up to the clouds, I think I saw Jimi there getting ready to shine Paul’s shoes. Damn, too bad he died young, I wonder how long he’s been shining Paul’s shoes. Poor soul. Before I wake up, I still remember vague instances of me kneeling down, flailing my arms freely in the air while screaming “All hail Gilbert!” over and over again. It’s pretty gay but hey, what is a man to do when he encounters a godly presence? In order to show that I know more about Paul than the other Gilbertians, I will post a video of him dropping the F-bomb which he rarely does, on my blog.

Impossible Is Nothing

Below is a conversation between two mature, grown up gentlemen. This brief discussion took place in a very high classed restaurant on top of some tall building in a certain city. But may God damn these two souls to hell, for their intentions were not pure. Sin consumed their bare heart and soul, leaving nothing left for the pure to grab hold of. Let’s not waste time, and let me unravel the conversation concerning .. “The Ultimate Argument of the Possible.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A: Hmm, do you believe in time travel like in the movie, Back to The Future? *takes a sip off the glass of wine*

B: Not really, it is a highly improbable feat to achieve. Ah, let me rephrase. It is definitely impossible for our small brains to accomplish time travel. Take your time to prepare your rebuttal, friend.

A: Time? I need not time to counter your argument. Have you ever seen shit eating porn? The 2 Girls 1 Cup shit? Yeah, the one when you grabbed your dick getting ready to jack off but got freaked out when you saw them licking shit? AND YOU TELL ME TIME TRAVELLING IS IMPOSSIBLE? ALL THIS BULLSHIT WHEN YOU’VE SEEN SHIT EATING PORN? THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING OUT THERE IN THIS WORLD THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOU’VE SEEN SHIT EATING PORN! *jumps off the building to his death*

B: *grabbing the chairs with his sweaty palms* May Satan spare his soul, at least don’t torture him by making him watch shit eating porn for eternity….
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Although the above conversation is purely fictional and fully takes place in my imagination, I would like to make a clever guess that approximately 1/3 of the porn surfing community have never lived a normal life after watching shit eating porn. Either they committed suicide, or they failed committing suicide and end up in the hospital. What I’d like to convey through this post is that I think nothing is impossible in this world except eternity.. or time.

Let’s talk about the possible first. Can you imagine human eating something out from the asshole? When we were young we were told to not eat shit, or even step on shit. But these brave souls proved us wrong. Shit is edible, shit eating is their profession. I take their work as an insult personally, it’s like all my beliefs are trampled on mercilessly, they’ve thrown their food(shit) all over my belief that shit eating is impossible. Dayum! Now I can’t ask people to eat shit anymore, who knows they secretly love eating shit! (Sam I’m looking at you)

That day I stumbled upon a disgusting blog talking about BDSM and bestiality. What ran through my mind was, “Nah this is impossible, no sane human being would do this kind of shit.” But analytically, I rested on my white plastic mamak chair and thought to myself, “But then again, this shit doesn’t even come close to shit eating porn!” Carefully, I closed the browser, hoping never to encounter such insidious crime against humanity ever again…

On the other hand,

Eternity, in my opinion, is the ONLY thing that is impossible. Not that I’m complaining that I haven’t enough time to fuck chicks and whatnot. Hell, I’m kinda scared of eternity. Imagine what the fuck you’re going to do if you’re gonna live for eternity. Watch tv all day? Think of shit to blog about all day? What if you got cancer at the age of 30 and you have to live through it until a cure is found? Now that shit is fucking boring, and painful too.

Moral of the story, next time when you think something is improbable. Think shit eating porn. It will open a whole new world for you. Just like when Aladin thought it’s impossible to fly on a flying velvet carpet with Jasmine.

Me, You, Them, Us

Some of us live our live grandly and some below average. Complain or boast however you want, but isn’t it true when I say we sometimes live our life just like any other person out there? Whether you are rich or poor, it doesn’t really matter. We are bonded by those tiny moments that all of us can relate to. This is what I think whenever I compare myself to people living a better life than me, or worse. No matter what, we as humans are still the same. Just that some are a tad bit luckier than the other. It makes me smile, though.. knowing that I share similarities with people I don’t know, you may call it humanism. These kind of things make us unite as the human race.

Ah, yes I’ve touched the surface of human tribalism in the last post but hey, hypocrisy is also an innate thing we all share, right? Cut to the chase, I’d like to share with you little things that may sound insignificant, but downright bond us together as a species.

1. Ever went to mamak stalls, and they guy just won’t come and let you pay for your food no matter how hard you waved, how hard you do the West Malaysian “kissy” sound?

2. Ever woke up thinking today is Sunday for almost the whole day when it is only Saturday?

3. Ever scratched someone else’s car with yours, only to get the fuck out of there hoping that no damn soul saw what the fuck you just did?

4. Ever wondered if anyone is coming up the stairs when you’re masturbating? Then you made yourself ejaculate faster, go out of the room only to find out everyone is sleeping? Bummer, right?

5. Ever felt like the whole room is trying to see the size of your dick when you’re pissing into a urinal? So you gotta hide your dick like the devil’s coming for it?

6. Ever tried saying Hello to a distant friend of yours only to be ignored by him or her? Then you just want to land your clenched fist onto his or her face?

7. Ever breakout into a song to hide the fact that you were actually dancing to some gay song on the radio? Yeah, fucking embarrassing, I know.

8. Ever felt like telling your friends that you love them(as a friend -_-) but held back because you’re afraid that you might sound gay?

9. Ever faked not hearing your girlfriend say, “I love you” just because you wanted to hear it twice?

Last but not least,

10. Ever felt like commenting on reversed kyanon but afraid that you might sound like an asshole?

Guy is Smart, Decides to Start Wars

It has been brought to my attention that I haven’t been writing life-altering scriptures that make me oh-so politically-conscious on my blog. Before you get your mouth running, nope I don’t care about the world unless it affects me in a third degree relationship. Why should I worry about the world when I have so many fucking problems myself? As trivial as they may seem, my problems are bigger than yours because me living under a bridge begging for spare change does not affect you, but me. Well, maybe the occasional, “Do you have spare change?” But hey, you can choose not to give any.

I have this little theory that many others before me would’ve thought of, since smart minds think alike. And I would like to share this theory with you all. A brief reminder though, please do not take anything you read on the internet seriously, including this one. I am telling you right fucking now that I’m only partially serious about this. Shall we begin?

Okay, I personally think that we aren’t gonna live through 50. Forget all the sugar coated statements made by political figures all around the world saying we’re at peace and whatnot. No, we’re not fucking at peace. We just wanna destroy whoever that don’t belong. What I’m trying to imply is, we as humans are still mammals all along. No matter how far we’ve progressed as our civilization, there’s still this instinct deep inside of us. It’s called the survival instinct, tribal at its very core, like a beast contained in the curtains of laws. Laws, who wrote them? Men. Men smart enough to know that they have to limit the people who are able unleash their beast upon the world. In other words, these people try to hold you back in your line, let you think you have rights when you have none. Or make you suck their dicks.

DIGRESSION ALERT: A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO DICK-SUCKING
You might not realize but each one of us has been sucking dicks everyday ever since we’re born. Remember the time you had to get 100% in your English just cause you wanted your dad to buy you that PS2 so badly? Remember the time when the teacher said, “I’ll let you off early if you pay attention in class?” Remember the time when you gave that policeman RM20 cause you wanna get the fuck out of the roadblock? Remember the time when you had to act differently from your usual self just to not piss off a certain someone? FUCK YES, that’s all sucking dick in my book, it might not be literal but the idea is there.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So less on dick sucking and more on war shit. Believe it or not, people just wanna control other people. Doctors, engineers, whatever the fuck profession you can think of. We just want to control your money, control you, make you come to us when you have problems with your health, problems with your toilet. Oh boy we work so damn hard just to have that control. On a larger scale though, society wants to control you through wars. I mean, let’s get fucking real. In the last 100 years there’s so many wars fought in the name of “freedom” and “rights” (which are all man-made). And there’s one or two that hit us, the Japanese Invasion, anyone? What makes you think there isn’t gonna be any war in the next 100? Believe me, when it rains, it pours. We’re gonna get hit so fucking hard I’d jack off one last time before I hit the ground. Or maybe punch the guy next to me, just for the sake of it.

To conclude, human tribalism is here to stay. That means we’ll always be competing, ousting people who don’t look and act the same with us. If it goes onto a larger scale, wars happen. The gears of war are already starting to rotate. Have fun and fuck chicks before it’s too late. Don’t forget to suck your daily dicks for survival. A dick a day keeps the money coming in.

Pain Don't Hurt

Please do not fuck me up when I say this is not an "update for the sake of updating" post. I read a...nother quote the other day and it inspired me in a non-carnal way. So yours truly decided to write a blues song of some sort.Don't you think "pain don't hurt" is just so damn manly to say? But I tried to go the other way and be as emo/faggy as I can. Personally, I like the irony of what I wrote. Try to guess what each verse means if you have the time (yeah I wrote what has been happening to me these days). Let me just sneakily insert another quote here: You can't play the blues till you've got the blues.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Took a left
When I reached the junction of success
No regrets
What I say when my life is a mess
Pain don’t hurt
Tough it out just like the rest

My best friend,
Be with me till your fire is put out
Rest assured
As addiction makes you eternal
Pain don’t hurt
Though it makes you nocturnal

My legs cut
Soon enough I won’t be seeing red
Close my eyes
Still they won’t bring freedom back to me
Pain don’t hurt
Just walk it out to be free

Do you have
The time for a poor boy
Don’t worry
Let’s just waste another day
Pain don’t hurt
It’ll show you another way

Pain don't hurt
Isn't life a game
Pain don't hurt
Cancer's just a wait
Pain don't hurt
That's what he said

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay this is twenty minutes after I wrote the stuff above. Twenty minutes before I actually wanted to end the post there. But after much thought, I've decided to record myself playing and upload it to youtube(doing it as I type here). Did this in one take, so to the professionals... please be kind :)

p.s. Around 3:46 I tried to incorporate pauses into the fast lick but epicly failed. Sorry sorry! Not long after that is another repeated 4 note lick which I made mistakes on. And I'm terribly sorry if your ears hurt when the organ comes in. Turns out that I had my speakers on too loud. That's why you can't hear my string skip and sweep pick at the end. Which is kinda cool too now that I think of it cause it's not clean heheh. Finally, please lower the bass knob if you have one on your speaker. I've already put mine to -1 cause it's too loud. Oh yeah the video is tilted sideways I don't know how to adjust it.

p.p.s. There's a lick that's repeated in the video. It's a bent D, then an A, and C. It's supposed to be sung like the starting of the verse(which has three words). Halfway throughout the song I forgot all about it -_- Anyway, sorry if that 3 note thing is annoying. Have fun.

Quote of the Day

WARNING: This post is one of those "update just for the sake of updating" posts. I am gladly informing you that the close button is the 5x5mm button shaped like a cross on the top right corner of your browser. Please skip this post if you have something else better to do like masturbating or crying.. And also worshiping Paul Gilbert. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, those bloggers on the internet always have bullshit to say on their blogs. Stuff like:

START
*randomly copied quote or lyrics from a song they're infatuated with*
END

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, I know that I'm none the better by writing this post but hell yeah I'm the least worst among them. To prove my point I will gladly describe why think this "quote of the day" is an internet gold waiting to be unearthed. And maybe a little walkthrough for the video. Yes you are correct again, it's a fucking youtube video. If you know me well enough, you will know that I spend half of my time dicking around youtube.com looking for inane shit to look at.



Upon inspecting the description of the video which can be found on the right hand side of your browser, you will see that it says "A man named Paul Gilbert playing guitar." This sentence/quote screams the word genius all over the fucking place because of its irony. Every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert isn't just any man. Every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert isn't actually playing the guitar, he's actually massacring every guitarists out there in this video. And fuck yeah, every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert is saying, "Yeah *nods* I'm better than you all underlings *nods*." through this video.

For you noobs out there, no.. Paul Gilbert does not have three hands even though he has godlike status. That hand is his bassist's hand acting as a "human capo". For more information on capos please visit your friendly internet-hood Wikipedia for more information. The rest of the video is pretty much self-explanatory: It's Mr. Gilbert demonstrating how he only needs three strings + an extra hand + a delay pedal to rain a firestorm upon the world.


p.s. Oh yeah you have to click on the video to actually see the description. Sorry.

p.p.s. Before any of you dumbfucks say anything stupid. Please take note that I KNOW most guitarists have seen this video at least 10 times. This video is for my non-guitar playing friends who blaspheme against Paul Gilbert. Thank you.