Once again, I find cupids peeking through the corner at me, snickering with those shit eating grin on their face laughing at me for being lonely. They thought to themselves, “What can a harmless boy do to us?” And oh boy they thought wrong, that’s for sure.
I lunged at them Bruce Lee style and dispatched the first cupid with just one kick while spontaneously ripping him another new asshole. The other one tried to run away but I hastily grabbed hold of his right ankle just in time. And proceeded to dismember him with my supersized member. Devastating. I stood before his dead body for a second or two and proclaimed myself awesome.
By the time I completed admiring my godlike abilities, the last cupid has already flown out the window. The gears of shame are starting to spin and I had no choice but to rely on my last resort. I put my head down low and remained still. I then prayed to Paul Gilbert. Some might call it a coincidence, but a plane flew by and knocked that cupid down to earth at the speed of pain. You see, this is the difference between you and me, because I called that an answered prayer.
Without further ado, I took out my kyanon and belted out arguably the greatest song in the history of shred ever, Viking Kong (I wanted to play Queen’s We Are The Champion but the religion of Gilbertology prohibits me from doing so). Just cause I’m cool like Vikings and have a gigantic member like King Kongs. People walking on the pavement stood there with disgusted faces by I know they’re just jealous. I bet my lunch they constantly sit on the plastic chair in their room, filming their damned self playing their shitty cover of Paul’s songs with their shitty webcam and post it up on youtube.
Okay okay, now that I’ve truthfully told you what do I do on a daily basis, it’s time to get to the point of the post. A friend reminded me that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Did he end up like the cupids? Well, he got a guaranteed tidal wave of FUCKS with cleverly inserted nudges on his MSN messenger. Hmph that’ll show him. Anyway, I’ll be spending Valentines with this girl.
And then sing this song with her.
GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY BABY!!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Audiovolution (The Link Flood)
The gap between the 7th of January and today without any doubt proves that I’m the definitive master of procrastination and being lazy. This attitude has definitely taken its toll on me, education wise.. since I’ve not been improving in my studies, only my guitar playing and my innate ability to home in to hot chicks in a matter of nanoseconds while walking around in shopping malls. For this post, I have coined the term audiovolution (sounds cool, right? Do notify me if there is such word out there) in order to chart my musical tastes throughout my life. Each age span will be accompanied by youtube links to give you an idea of what they sound like. Yes I know, I know. Some of you might be bitching about how much of a hypocrite I am for writing stuff about myself cause I’ve mentioned in the first post that I won’t do that. Whatever the fuck la.. let’s just begin.
Age 1–4
My parent’s singing. Yes that’s it. Remember the time whenever you go to your aunt or uncle’s house who just had a newborn in the family? And they always try to sing lullabies and shit to their kids even though they don’t know how to? Yeap, that’s what I’m talking about. If it ain’t obvious enough, I have not developed whatever sort of musical taste so I like whatever that’s shoved into my ears.
Age 5-9
This was a time when Looney Tunes, Happy Harmonies and Disney’s Silly Symphonies was the shit. I watch Looney Tunes for their eccentric cartoon characters and the songs they sing.. wait, they do belt out songs in the middle of scenes like Bollywood movies, right? More importantly, I almost always watch Happy Harmonies whenever they’re on TV. Roughly around 10 minutes, I think Happy Harmonies is the series that gave me I head start in appreciating the beauty of vocal harmony. Silly Symphonies, I watch for its interpretation of children’s classics, there are some vocal stuff in there but not much.
Age 10-13
MTV started forcing itself into young mind’s life and everyone started watching it. It is also around this time boybands are thought to be the coolest thing to ever hit the planet, at least for primary school kids. During this time I listened to lots and lots of boybands, my favourites being Backstreet Boys, Boyzone, 911, Westlife and Moffatts. Forget 98 Degrees and Hanson, even a kid like me knows they suck. Looking back, my only saving grace is that I was a big big fan of Michael Jackson that time. Found that I sing to his songs in the bathroom all the time, much to the chagrin of family members.
Age 14-15
If there are two words to describe these two years, the only two words I can think of right now is NU METAL. Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Staind and P.O.D. Even went out to buy some of their albums. I still remember the last track of Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Starfish and Hotdogs has this repeats of Fred laughing and it scared the shit out of me. Though it’s the devil’s music or something -_- Also, I’ve started listening to a bit of rap around this time, generally Eminem though.
Age 16
Pop punk all the way here. The usual stuff such as Greenday, NOFX, Jimmy Eat World, Fenix TX, Descendants. One important note though, I find myself deeply infatuated with Blink 182. There was something about them that I could relate to so obviously they were on the top of my list at that time. Picked up the guitar after listening to them too. Hmm, if I’m not mistaken I’ve also started listening to my favourite modern rock band, The Vines but sadly, I didn’t pay much attention to them.. yet.
Age 17-20.5
Only one word here to define my musical taste here, “THE”. If it’s not obvious enough, I started listening to bands starting with “THE” in their name. each of them brought something new to the table for me so in order to make things simple, I’ll list them out rather than explaining in sentences.
The Vines – SUPER DEEP APPRECIATION of vocal harmony, exquisite display of rock'n'roll, where i got my drug addict look from
The Strokes – twin guitar riffs
The White Stripes – found my way back to blues through them
The Beatles – my favourite of ALL “THE” bands. First song that I liked is “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” Unlimited influences from them, even until now. Great vocal harmony, songwriting.. aiyah the usual stuff lah, they’re great in everything except techno and songs that go BOOM BOOM BOOM for minutes.
The Thrills – got to know surf rock through them. Great melodies
The Libertines - post punk, great songwriting, great melodies that are unquestionable. Listening to them made me realize that even if you play shitty guitar you can be great too. In addition, they taught me avoid is spelt without a D. I used to spell avoid with aDvoid.. yeah I know, it’s stupid -_-
There a lot more but these are the chief “THE” bands that I like.
Age 20.5–now
Discovered metal through my musical confidant, Vincent. He listens to metal a lot so I started listening along. The memory of my first heavy metal band eludes me but I think it should probably be… Megadeth? Either Megadeth or Pantera. Then we’ve got guitar music(instrumental guitar) like Paul Gilbert, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai blablabla this that just go check them out yourself la.
Okay I’d like to thank whoever made it this far. Fuck, even I believe I’m entitled to a privilege to go on leave for 3 fucking weeks cause this post is just too damn long. I already cropped some bands and people out of it to make it shorter without making it irrelevant but it’s still.. as of now, 961 words and counting. Sorry to all those bands that I didn’t mention. GAPNAP ARE YOU HAPPY OR NOT, A POST THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!! Have fun listening and…. Agebi agebi agebi agebi, that's all folks!
Age 1–4
My parent’s singing. Yes that’s it. Remember the time whenever you go to your aunt or uncle’s house who just had a newborn in the family? And they always try to sing lullabies and shit to their kids even though they don’t know how to? Yeap, that’s what I’m talking about. If it ain’t obvious enough, I have not developed whatever sort of musical taste so I like whatever that’s shoved into my ears.
Age 5-9
This was a time when Looney Tunes, Happy Harmonies and Disney’s Silly Symphonies was the shit. I watch Looney Tunes for their eccentric cartoon characters and the songs they sing.. wait, they do belt out songs in the middle of scenes like Bollywood movies, right? More importantly, I almost always watch Happy Harmonies whenever they’re on TV. Roughly around 10 minutes, I think Happy Harmonies is the series that gave me I head start in appreciating the beauty of vocal harmony. Silly Symphonies, I watch for its interpretation of children’s classics, there are some vocal stuff in there but not much.
Age 10-13
MTV started forcing itself into young mind’s life and everyone started watching it. It is also around this time boybands are thought to be the coolest thing to ever hit the planet, at least for primary school kids. During this time I listened to lots and lots of boybands, my favourites being Backstreet Boys, Boyzone, 911, Westlife and Moffatts. Forget 98 Degrees and Hanson, even a kid like me knows they suck. Looking back, my only saving grace is that I was a big big fan of Michael Jackson that time. Found that I sing to his songs in the bathroom all the time, much to the chagrin of family members.
Age 14-15
If there are two words to describe these two years, the only two words I can think of right now is NU METAL. Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Staind and P.O.D. Even went out to buy some of their albums. I still remember the last track of Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Starfish and Hotdogs has this repeats of Fred laughing and it scared the shit out of me. Though it’s the devil’s music or something -_- Also, I’ve started listening to a bit of rap around this time, generally Eminem though.
Age 16
Pop punk all the way here. The usual stuff such as Greenday, NOFX, Jimmy Eat World, Fenix TX, Descendants. One important note though, I find myself deeply infatuated with Blink 182. There was something about them that I could relate to so obviously they were on the top of my list at that time. Picked up the guitar after listening to them too. Hmm, if I’m not mistaken I’ve also started listening to my favourite modern rock band, The Vines but sadly, I didn’t pay much attention to them.. yet.
Age 17-20.5
Only one word here to define my musical taste here, “THE”. If it’s not obvious enough, I started listening to bands starting with “THE” in their name. each of them brought something new to the table for me so in order to make things simple, I’ll list them out rather than explaining in sentences.
The Vines – SUPER DEEP APPRECIATION of vocal harmony, exquisite display of rock'n'roll, where i got my drug addict look from
The Strokes – twin guitar riffs
The White Stripes – found my way back to blues through them
The Beatles – my favourite of ALL “THE” bands. First song that I liked is “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” Unlimited influences from them, even until now. Great vocal harmony, songwriting.. aiyah the usual stuff lah, they’re great in everything except techno and songs that go BOOM BOOM BOOM for minutes.
The Thrills – got to know surf rock through them. Great melodies
The Libertines - post punk, great songwriting, great melodies that are unquestionable. Listening to them made me realize that even if you play shitty guitar you can be great too. In addition, they taught me avoid is spelt without a D. I used to spell avoid with aDvoid.. yeah I know, it’s stupid -_-
There a lot more but these are the chief “THE” bands that I like.
Age 20.5–now
Discovered metal through my musical confidant, Vincent. He listens to metal a lot so I started listening along. The memory of my first heavy metal band eludes me but I think it should probably be… Megadeth? Either Megadeth or Pantera. Then we’ve got guitar music(instrumental guitar) like Paul Gilbert, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai blablabla this that just go check them out yourself la.
Okay I’d like to thank whoever made it this far. Fuck, even I believe I’m entitled to a privilege to go on leave for 3 fucking weeks cause this post is just too damn long. I already cropped some bands and people out of it to make it shorter without making it irrelevant but it’s still.. as of now, 961 words and counting. Sorry to all those bands that I didn’t mention. GAPNAP ARE YOU HAPPY OR NOT, A POST THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!! Have fun listening and…. Agebi agebi agebi agebi, that's all folks!
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