Guy Debates. Obviously Wins

Debates. Not many people realize this, especially kids, but debates are something we adults indulge in just to make ourselves sound smart and matured. People always think they know best, but they forgot that in this blog, I am the fucking reincarnation of Socrates. This is weird but a debate is only called a debate when I win and you lose. I will then consider myself owning if my godlike enormous brain totally shut your fucking mouth up in the process. Extra points for me too if you cry on the floor, weeping like the sad fuck that you are.

Anyway, some smart bitch decided to challenge me for the heavyweight title of boasting, lying and making up baseless facts. Little did she know that she was up against the offspring of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin if they were gay and had the abilities to give birth. It was like Hell In A Cell except that Vince McMahon decided that I'm gonna walk out the winner. Coincidentally, I was in a mood to bitch, and you never anger a person who's high on bitch-pills. She was in for the most electrifying debate in the history of social-status charged entertainment.

Being the usual asshole that I am, I was worshiping money and the endless peace that it brings to this ugly world. She then decided to say the one thing that I hate most and that's:

"Money isn't everything, you can't buy everything with money."

WELL GOD SAVE OUR FUCKING SOULS BUT WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I HEAR THIS, IT'S FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING WHO HAS SHITLOADS OF MONEY?

If Paul Gilbert allowed me to, I could've bitchslapped that pussy straight to the moon through my phone. Immediately, I jammed my clenched fist into my head and proceed to flick the "bullshit switch" on. On its way out, my hand also switched on the "pretend" button to increase my guard against the stupidity that is her. Below are five things that she said money can't buy. Following closely are the things I said to prove that the world now has one extra stupid dumbfuck.

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1. Money can't buy happiness.

If I had a pussy everytime I hear this, I could've opened a whorehouse so big that it encompasses West Malaysia (Singapore included). Money CAN buy happiness. Ever heard of retail therapy? I heard it works wonders. Ever heard of pussies? Well aren't you happy now that I'm telling you that you can buy them. I'm stopping here cause there's just no point in giving more examples. Cause I told her that it's ironic that she brought up this point right after she told me she's so happy that she shopped at mid valley and bought shitloads of items just a day before.

2. Money can't buy love.

If you haven't already know, love is sort of like business. Let's say you're one ugly son of a bitch (I know you're not, cause only smart beautiful people reads this blog), you've got no game and nobody's suitable for you. Now, let's compare you with a mamak stall. You only know one dish and that is Maggie Goreng. Obviously, only Maggie Goreng lovers will come to you. But if you've got the money, you can hire a Burger guy to assist you and voila! You've expanded your target market! With money, you can dress yourself up and cater to different tastes, different people. With so many fish in your fucking pond, it's not so hard now to find your loved one now isn't it?

3. Money can't buy health.

This is stupid. I refuse to believe that I stooped this low to argue about this poorly thought out point. What the fuck are vitamins for? What are the clinics for? What are the monthly checkups for? What are health insurances for? Why do they cost money? I thought you said health can't be bought?! Why isn't it accessible to poor kids in Africa and everywhere else? Oh yeah, why does Appeton Weightgain(adult) costs over a hundred? Fuck this shitty point.

4. Money can't buy time.

When you look at this from a certain perspective (the unimaginative one) it sounds kinda realistic. For a second there, I thought I was going to tread down the path straight to loserville. BUT! Did the Americans just say, "Oh I guess we'll have to tolerate monster hentai rape and shit-eating porn from now on :(" when the Japs fucking demolished East Asia? Did Super Mario weep and cried with Luigi when flying turtles are about to stop them from getting laid by that princess? NO! This man will not go down without a fight!

My bullshit machine was overheating I thought I was gonna vomit brain matter and meet Paul Gilbert up in the clouds. There was never really a question though, only an equation:

From point 3,
Money = Health

Health = Longevity
Longevity = Time

Therefore, Money = Time

If you can't buy the past? Why not extend it? Why not buy the future?

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Needless to say, I saved the world once again. With another mouth firmly shut, mother earth was finally able to go on spinning on its orbit without having to worry about the plague that is stupidity. The best of all? The 2 minutes silence between me and her after I let her taste what a Stone Cold stunner is like, in words. Okay I'll be honest today, I was laughing like a brainless maniac inside.

EDIT: I forgot a point, will update as soon as I ask about it. Damn, the worst thing you could do to a person is to ask them to relive that shameful moment that they're trying so hard to forget. Fuck me.