I believe I speak for all guitarists that we all picked up that little piece of wood because we felt the need to play that one particular song by our favorite band or singer. Or partly cause we just wanted to show off, either one. For me though, I asked my father for the Yamaha C-70 Classical Guitar my piano teacher introduced/pushed me to buy cause I wanted to play Blink 182’s The Rock Show.
Oh fuck yeah I did learn piano for 4 years. Four long years and all I forgot all I learnt cause I have yet to discover the beauty of the instrument at the time. And yes, I also took guitar lessons from her for maybe.. three weeks? I quit cause she was teaching me classical pieces, which I didn’t appreciate at the time too. I thought, “Why play classical music when you’ve got Blink 18Fucking2?”
Fuck it, seems like I digressed a little. Anyway, I soon learnt how to play The Rock Show and the list expanded further. I remembered feeling like a rock god after I managed to nail the “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” solo when I was in Form 5 (I even did the devil's horn after I nailed it). No doubt, I did give up some songs cause I thought they are too hard. Songs like Jimi’s Little Wing. That shit is so complicated! I still do think it’s complicated, how the fuck do you play rhythm and lead at the same time? Bah, maybe I just didn’t put enough effort into the song. Another notable song I gave up on is Cream’s Crossroads. I cried myself to sleep every night knowing that I’d never be able to play that song… four years ago, heheh. Now? I think I can but it won’t be as accurate, note for note.
Fast forward to 3 years later, I discovered shred and the list grew once more. Uh, I meant the “give up” list. Fucking Racer X songs, Paul Gilbert and the usual shredders’ roster. Fuck fuck shit fuck they’re too hard!! And don’t say I didn’t try, I did but they(my covers) sounded like shit. Didn’t even get past the 1 minute mark. I will probably will get back to them but it won’t be soon.
Let’s move on to the point of this post. Actually, there are songs that I want to play so badly but I don’t dare touch, at all. Most of them are Steve Vai’s songs. In my HUMBLE opinion, Steve Vai is on a different plane when it comes to instrumental guitar music. His songs, I don’t listen to them for their technicality. It’s the emotions that he puts into them. You can’t copy that shit. As if it isn’t hard enough to nail the technique, you gotta fucking nail the rock face, the “swoop my hair to the back” skill, whammy bar tricks, the "wind blowing in my hair", the "occasional glitter on the cheek which people mistook for tears". Ahhhh fuck!
There's this one song. It is like the Holy Grail to me. I will never touch it until I can cover not the whole song, but the whole fucking video (gotta get the suit, the hair, the bandmate, the ambience). This probably will surprise my Music Master friends but, yeah I like this song more than any other Paul Gilbert songs. And I’ll only be able to proudly call myself a pro if I achieve this. Which realistically, is never.
I present to you, Tender Surrender.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Twenty Dollars
I've asked two people about this and so far, none can give a reasonable answer. I'll post the situation here and hopefully some of you can unravel this mystery!
One fine afternoon, PAUL and MARTY decided to go eat together. Halfway through the journey, PAUL decided to stop by a petrol station. PAUL got out of the car, and told the worker there, "TWENTY DOLLARS please." Then PAUL proceeded to pump the petrol manually.
MARTY, being the nice guy that he is offered to help PAUL fork out the TWENTY DOLLARS. PAUL was fine with that. PAUL said to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"
After the petrol is pumped, they went to a restaurant. When they were done, PAUL offered to pay for the whole meal, which costs TWENTY DOLLARS. MARTY was fine with that. MARTY says to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"
The question I wanna ask is, did PAUL lose or saved money that day? STRICTLY speaking about money. No emotional values. No "Oh he fetched Marty worrr" and stuff like that. I'm talking strictly about money only. Did he save some or lose some?
One fine afternoon, PAUL and MARTY decided to go eat together. Halfway through the journey, PAUL decided to stop by a petrol station. PAUL got out of the car, and told the worker there, "TWENTY DOLLARS please." Then PAUL proceeded to pump the petrol manually.
MARTY, being the nice guy that he is offered to help PAUL fork out the TWENTY DOLLARS. PAUL was fine with that. PAUL said to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"
After the petrol is pumped, they went to a restaurant. When they were done, PAUL offered to pay for the whole meal, which costs TWENTY DOLLARS. MARTY was fine with that. MARTY says to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"
The question I wanna ask is, did PAUL lose or saved money that day? STRICTLY speaking about money. No emotional values. No "Oh he fetched Marty worrr" and stuff like that. I'm talking strictly about money only. Did he save some or lose some?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sucking Dicks for Mind Reading Powers (or vice-versa)
If there is one thing people from different walks of life can agree on, that one thing is that we’ve all been asked at least once, “Hey if you’re able to choose one superpower, what will it be?” At least that’s what I was brought up to believe, heheh. As usual, ridiculous questions will always demand ridiculous answers. I’ll list out a couple of popular ones that I don’t agree with:
1. Invisibility
People who chose this usually are perverts. What they don’t realize though, is that choosing invisibility makes them an asshole too. Sure, you can peep and rape all you want, but hopefully your semen is invisible too if you don’t wanna get fucked by the long dick of the law. Besides, by choosing invisibility you’re choosing to forever isolate yourself from the world.
2. Time Travel
We all make mistakes and some live to regret those mistakes. These dimwits are the ones who will choose time travel as their superpower of choice. Yeah sure, this one comes the closest to being realistic but fuck you, I think it’s for pussies who missed out on life. I bet those of you who are reading this and chose this superpower are thinking, “Damn I wish I had this power so I can fuck that chick back in high school.”
3. Super Intelligence
For the love of God, will someone stop choosing super intelligence? This superpower is so mainstream that is annoys the fuck out of me. Batman, Spiderman and almost all superheroes are smart. Even super villains are smart nowadays. This shit is too overrated. Am I the only one who wants to see a dumbfuck superhero called Stupid-Man? Unless they can invent a pussy magnet machine, they’re still suffering from the virus that is stupidity.
4. Super Dick-Powers
This may sound a little weird to you so let me explain. For those of you who don’t know, before the beginning of the 19th century, a bunch of scientists and comic writers actually gathered for one “Mother of all Meetings” and discussed about the authenticity of super dick-power. The ability to please another human being sexually without limitations (exhaustion, premature ejaculation, dying halfway in sex sessions, distracted by football while fucking, sex tape scandals) is sought after ever since the beginning of time. And the meeting is adjourned with all members agreeing that super dick-powers is indeed realistic. The reason why we have yet to see Dickman in the cinemas is cause there are fucked up parents wanting to protect their kids from the “harsh” reality of life. Geez, everybody plays the sex game nowadays = fact.
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With all that aside, I want to tell you the superpower of my choice. I want mind reading powers. Yeah yeah you’re probably bitching and saying, “But slowhands, people like Professor X already have that power!” Yes you have a point there. But there is nothing that’s gonna stop me from writing this post, is there? The reason why I want mind reading powers is cause it’s easier to suck corporate dicks that way. In my opinion, sucking corporate dicks is the easiest way to get you to the top. BUT, I disagree with sucking too many dicks. The rule is to suck only one necessary dick. There are a lot of pretentious people out there nowadays who tricks you into sucking their dick just for the fun of it. So with mind reading powers, I will be able to determine who and how to suck.
If you believe the bullshit that is the above paragraph, you deserve to be shot in the penis, with shotgun pellets coated with salt. Nobody wants to suck dick with mind reading SUPERPOWERS if they’re fucking sane, right? If it isn’t obvious enough, I’ll probably be better off robbing banks, fucking chicks, and securing business deals if I have this superpower.
In reality, I’ve been playing a lot of mind games actually so I just wanna know what people are actually thinking. Yes, I consider the benefits of mind reading as endless and they're not only for playing mind games. But this post is getting a little too long so fuck this shit.
And no, I won’t suck dicks to get this orgasm-inducing power.
1. Invisibility
People who chose this usually are perverts. What they don’t realize though, is that choosing invisibility makes them an asshole too. Sure, you can peep and rape all you want, but hopefully your semen is invisible too if you don’t wanna get fucked by the long dick of the law. Besides, by choosing invisibility you’re choosing to forever isolate yourself from the world.
2. Time Travel
We all make mistakes and some live to regret those mistakes. These dimwits are the ones who will choose time travel as their superpower of choice. Yeah sure, this one comes the closest to being realistic but fuck you, I think it’s for pussies who missed out on life. I bet those of you who are reading this and chose this superpower are thinking, “Damn I wish I had this power so I can fuck that chick back in high school.”
3. Super Intelligence
For the love of God, will someone stop choosing super intelligence? This superpower is so mainstream that is annoys the fuck out of me. Batman, Spiderman and almost all superheroes are smart. Even super villains are smart nowadays. This shit is too overrated. Am I the only one who wants to see a dumbfuck superhero called Stupid-Man? Unless they can invent a pussy magnet machine, they’re still suffering from the virus that is stupidity.
4. Super Dick-Powers
This may sound a little weird to you so let me explain. For those of you who don’t know, before the beginning of the 19th century, a bunch of scientists and comic writers actually gathered for one “Mother of all Meetings” and discussed about the authenticity of super dick-power. The ability to please another human being sexually without limitations (exhaustion, premature ejaculation, dying halfway in sex sessions, distracted by football while fucking, sex tape scandals) is sought after ever since the beginning of time. And the meeting is adjourned with all members agreeing that super dick-powers is indeed realistic. The reason why we have yet to see Dickman in the cinemas is cause there are fucked up parents wanting to protect their kids from the “harsh” reality of life. Geez, everybody plays the sex game nowadays = fact.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With all that aside, I want to tell you the superpower of my choice. I want mind reading powers. Yeah yeah you’re probably bitching and saying, “But slowhands, people like Professor X already have that power!” Yes you have a point there. But there is nothing that’s gonna stop me from writing this post, is there? The reason why I want mind reading powers is cause it’s easier to suck corporate dicks that way. In my opinion, sucking corporate dicks is the easiest way to get you to the top. BUT, I disagree with sucking too many dicks. The rule is to suck only one necessary dick. There are a lot of pretentious people out there nowadays who tricks you into sucking their dick just for the fun of it. So with mind reading powers, I will be able to determine who and how to suck.
If you believe the bullshit that is the above paragraph, you deserve to be shot in the penis, with shotgun pellets coated with salt. Nobody wants to suck dick with mind reading SUPERPOWERS if they’re fucking sane, right? If it isn’t obvious enough, I’ll probably be better off robbing banks, fucking chicks, and securing business deals if I have this superpower.
In reality, I’ve been playing a lot of mind games actually so I just wanna know what people are actually thinking. Yes, I consider the benefits of mind reading as endless and they're not only for playing mind games. But this post is getting a little too long so fuck this shit.
And no, I won’t suck dicks to get this orgasm-inducing power.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A Guide to Fucking Up Zombies
Okay I read an article awhile ago and it inspired me to write this shit. Since I have nothing productive to do, I thought I might share my views on the topic presented in the article.
For those of you who are too fucking lazy to click the link, please allow me to explain to you briefly what this post is about. I believe that most people who at least have ONE gaming friend will know that Left 4 Dead was once popular here in cybercafés in Malaysia. I’m not sure, but I think the craze died out in a matter of weeks.
“What is Left 4 Dead?” I imagined a poorly informed citizen of Malaysia asking. Left 4 Dead is a game where you can play in groups of FOUR, obviously (also an obviously lame ass pun). Briefly, Left 4 Dead is about FOUR human beings who went raining a huge shitstorm on zombies just because they felt like it. Believe me when I say this, I’m sure most people who played Left 4 Dead will somehow think, “(Insert a deity’s name), what the fuck am I gonna do if this shit ever happens, zombie invasions are pretty logical for fuck’s sake!?”
The question the said article posed is, “What’s Your Zombie Contingency Plan?” So without further ado, here’s my masterplan.
Day 1-3
I consider myself as a thoughtful and caring human being, so to uphold my views, I’ll have to call my family, relatives and friends (this depends on their closeness to me. Hopefully you’ve treated me a lunch or two in the past few weeks. If you haven’t, then fuck you) and inform them about the impending disaster. Because I have no cash with me now, they’ll have to fly to KL to meet me. The probability of them having police friends and rich friends will be high, so I’ll contact the police friends for firearms. The rich friends, they’re just chess pieces in the game. I’ll feign sympathy and let them join, just cause I wanna use their money to buy supplies if some arrogant piece of shit decides to make profit out of this scenario.
For the time being, I’ll move back to my house at Puchong. Fuck the police station cause I’m sure zombies hate the police too. Barricade the whole place with my teammates (not before robbing supplies from the nearby grocery store).
After relatives and friends reach KL, I’ll drive a bus to AirAsia and pick them up. I hope there’ll be zombies at the airport cause I think it’ll be cool to actually crash into the building out to the airfield to pick them up. I’ll also remember to play Metal songs (no soft songs cause that’ll make you pussy out and just give yourself up to the zombies).
Day 4-10
Hopefully everyone is safe. After that, we’ll steal more lorries and proceed to the dock. We’ll then try to take over as many ferries as possible from the zombies. Subsequently, we’ll go to some island and destroy whatever that is not human. Animals are spared though, cause we need to eat their sorry lives. If anyone eats an infected animal, well.. too bad for you, cause I’ll have to blow your head off. Not because you’re unlucky, it’s cause you’re too fucking stupid to differentiate between those two.
To battle against zombies, the most important thing is being systematic. A timetable of coast guards, supplies gathering unit, anti-extinction OR sex unit (dude we’ve gotta repopulate the entire Earth just in case everyone gets wiped out, it’s a tough job! I’ll make sure I cheat myself into this unit) and so on. This way we’ll be safe 24 hours for fear that some smart zombie make it to the island.
Day 10- x Months
Depending on the size of the population, we might have to colonize other islands. We’ll also try to get in contact with other human strongholds to share strategies and ideas. After everyone gets settled, we’ll start a barrack to train zombiefuckers (these are people who fuck zombies, not sexually but you know.. fucking them up with guns and whatnot). This is Earth, it’s our home, not some ugly motherfuckers’ playground, right?
X Months - ??
Depending on the efficiency of the zombiefuckers, the time when earth heals herself is pretty variable. With me in command though, I’m sure 2 years is all we need. After that, I’ll become King of Earth and everyone will worship me until I die. Oh yeah, anyone under my rule who doesn’t listen to Paul Gilbert will be stoned to death. What, you thought I’m going for democracy? FUCK that shit!
Pros: Don’t you think it’s pretty credible? Even if you don’t think so, the anti extinction OR sex unit part is pretty attractive, yes?
Cons: Now that I think of it, with Malaysia’s quality of firearms, we’re considered lucky as fuck if we ever made it to the airport. I don’t even know if the firearms we have are enough to blow an arm or two off a-la Left 4 Dead.
Do leave a brief strategy of your own if you want to. And if you decide to give us an in-depth look into your strategy (or whore yourself), post it in your blog and provide a link.
For those of you who are too fucking lazy to click the link, please allow me to explain to you briefly what this post is about. I believe that most people who at least have ONE gaming friend will know that Left 4 Dead was once popular here in cybercafés in Malaysia. I’m not sure, but I think the craze died out in a matter of weeks.
“What is Left 4 Dead?” I imagined a poorly informed citizen of Malaysia asking. Left 4 Dead is a game where you can play in groups of FOUR, obviously (also an obviously lame ass pun). Briefly, Left 4 Dead is about FOUR human beings who went raining a huge shitstorm on zombies just because they felt like it. Believe me when I say this, I’m sure most people who played Left 4 Dead will somehow think, “(Insert a deity’s name), what the fuck am I gonna do if this shit ever happens, zombie invasions are pretty logical for fuck’s sake!?”
The question the said article posed is, “What’s Your Zombie Contingency Plan?” So without further ado, here’s my masterplan.
Day 1-3
I consider myself as a thoughtful and caring human being, so to uphold my views, I’ll have to call my family, relatives and friends (this depends on their closeness to me. Hopefully you’ve treated me a lunch or two in the past few weeks. If you haven’t, then fuck you) and inform them about the impending disaster. Because I have no cash with me now, they’ll have to fly to KL to meet me. The probability of them having police friends and rich friends will be high, so I’ll contact the police friends for firearms. The rich friends, they’re just chess pieces in the game. I’ll feign sympathy and let them join, just cause I wanna use their money to buy supplies if some arrogant piece of shit decides to make profit out of this scenario.
For the time being, I’ll move back to my house at Puchong. Fuck the police station cause I’m sure zombies hate the police too. Barricade the whole place with my teammates (not before robbing supplies from the nearby grocery store).
After relatives and friends reach KL, I’ll drive a bus to AirAsia and pick them up. I hope there’ll be zombies at the airport cause I think it’ll be cool to actually crash into the building out to the airfield to pick them up. I’ll also remember to play Metal songs (no soft songs cause that’ll make you pussy out and just give yourself up to the zombies).
Day 4-10
Hopefully everyone is safe. After that, we’ll steal more lorries and proceed to the dock. We’ll then try to take over as many ferries as possible from the zombies. Subsequently, we’ll go to some island and destroy whatever that is not human. Animals are spared though, cause we need to eat their sorry lives. If anyone eats an infected animal, well.. too bad for you, cause I’ll have to blow your head off. Not because you’re unlucky, it’s cause you’re too fucking stupid to differentiate between those two.
To battle against zombies, the most important thing is being systematic. A timetable of coast guards, supplies gathering unit, anti-extinction OR sex unit (dude we’ve gotta repopulate the entire Earth just in case everyone gets wiped out, it’s a tough job! I’ll make sure I cheat myself into this unit) and so on. This way we’ll be safe 24 hours for fear that some smart zombie make it to the island.
Day 10- x Months
Depending on the size of the population, we might have to colonize other islands. We’ll also try to get in contact with other human strongholds to share strategies and ideas. After everyone gets settled, we’ll start a barrack to train zombiefuckers (these are people who fuck zombies, not sexually but you know.. fucking them up with guns and whatnot). This is Earth, it’s our home, not some ugly motherfuckers’ playground, right?
X Months - ??
Depending on the efficiency of the zombiefuckers, the time when earth heals herself is pretty variable. With me in command though, I’m sure 2 years is all we need. After that, I’ll become King of Earth and everyone will worship me until I die. Oh yeah, anyone under my rule who doesn’t listen to Paul Gilbert will be stoned to death. What, you thought I’m going for democracy? FUCK that shit!
Pros: Don’t you think it’s pretty credible? Even if you don’t think so, the anti extinction OR sex unit part is pretty attractive, yes?
Cons: Now that I think of it, with Malaysia’s quality of firearms, we’re considered lucky as fuck if we ever made it to the airport. I don’t even know if the firearms we have are enough to blow an arm or two off a-la Left 4 Dead.
Do leave a brief strategy of your own if you want to. And if you decide to give us an in-depth look into your strategy (or whore yourself), post it in your blog and provide a link.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
"Ni Dao Di You Ting Ke Ma?"
I am an alpha male with a big set of balls, along with a gifted massive schlong. It is with no doubt that these two sought after traits grant me the right to be pissed off at more things than others. Which explains why I get irritated easily at small things. But hey, if getting pissed off makes me look less like a hippie, why not?
After I’ve got into college, I’ve discovered there are a lot of things to do in class other than paying attention to lecturers. Contrary to popular belief, I do pay attention in class, but to all the wrong things. One thing that pisses me off left and right is lecturers who don’t have good command of English. Rightfully so, I know I’m in no position to talk shit cause my English isn’t all that “pro”. Before you make dumbfucked assumptions, let me assure you that I am no English Elite (It’s what I call people who like to preach about grammar and whatnot). I have my reasons to ridicule these lecturers though, so allow me to explicate the matter at hand here.
Unquestionably, there aren’t just Malaysians in our local colleges nowadays. For instance, in my college alone, around 40% of the students are from a variety of countries such as Kazakhstan, Iran, China and Botswana. With this amount of student, what baffles me is the fact that most lecturers are still speaking English combined with local slangs. Manglish, is what we call it. Don’t they realize that foreigners have no grasp of whatever the fuck “lah” and “meh” means?
Wanna bet what will most lecturers say IF they ever get to read this shit?
I bet they’ll say, “Wah they don’t like then get out lah! We didn’t ask them to study here also ooooh.”
p.s. Only a very small margin of lecturers do that. I'm actually just pissed off cause I got owned in a game of DoTA minutes before. Hey, sometimes you gotta fake losing cause perfection will cause hate and suspicion, right?
After I’ve got into college, I’ve discovered there are a lot of things to do in class other than paying attention to lecturers. Contrary to popular belief, I do pay attention in class, but to all the wrong things. One thing that pisses me off left and right is lecturers who don’t have good command of English. Rightfully so, I know I’m in no position to talk shit cause my English isn’t all that “pro”. Before you make dumbfucked assumptions, let me assure you that I am no English Elite (It’s what I call people who like to preach about grammar and whatnot). I have my reasons to ridicule these lecturers though, so allow me to explicate the matter at hand here.
Unquestionably, there aren’t just Malaysians in our local colleges nowadays. For instance, in my college alone, around 40% of the students are from a variety of countries such as Kazakhstan, Iran, China and Botswana. With this amount of student, what baffles me is the fact that most lecturers are still speaking English combined with local slangs. Manglish, is what we call it. Don’t they realize that foreigners have no grasp of whatever the fuck “lah” and “meh” means?
Wanna bet what will most lecturers say IF they ever get to read this shit?
I bet they’ll say, “Wah they don’t like then get out lah! We didn’t ask them to study here also ooooh.”
p.s. Only a very small margin of lecturers do that. I'm actually just pissed off cause I got owned in a game of DoTA minutes before. Hey, sometimes you gotta fake losing cause perfection will cause hate and suspicion, right?
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Playing Guitar Without Playing
Every once in a while, every guitarist get too caught up with practicing and honing their skills either technique wise or theory wise. With each day passing by, we think about how to further improve ourselves in order to play harder, faster and…. faster. Of course, this mindset is the right one that guitarists should have to further ourselves. Have you ever thought to yourself then, is playing guitar all about being faster than the other? Is playing guitar all about being able to execute more techniques than the other?
In the race of expanding our phrasing vocabulary, we often forget about the essence of rock ‘n’ roll itself. What is rock ‘n’ roll all about? Definitely, it’s not about being faster and better. Rock ‘n’ roll is not a sport, it is an art. Which is why I wanna talk about THE way to rock without being fast. And that one true way is making rock ‘n’ roll faces!
ROCK FACE NUMBER ONE
This is what I call “The Teeth Grit”. In order to execute this move, you will have to grit your teeth tightly as if someone has just ripped you a new asshole.. whether he wants to make you a little more aerodynamic or maybe… cause you’re just a genuine asshole. Do remember to close your eyes tightly in order to display to your audience that you are FEELING the note. It also shows how intense you are.
ROCK FACE NUMBER TWO
The second rock face is christened, the “OOH (add some vibrato, the heavier the better, when you say this to your friend) Face”. As you can see, the above dude is absolutely FEELIN! his note. The most suitable scenario to do this is when you’re bending up and doing vibrato after the bend. Feel free to bang your head a little if you want to. REMEMBER! No extreme up and down motion, just a little will do. Or else you’ll come of as a freak of nature.
ROCK FACE NUMBER THREE
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS MAN IS TOTALLY DRUGGED OUT OF HIS MIND!!!!! The third rock face is what I’d like to call, “Lost in Fantasy”. Look at his eyes, it’s like he had just nicked Lucy’s Diamond in the Sky. This face will make you look as if you’re lost in your notes. You’ve gotten so into what you play you became so fucking high. If you can pull this off while drooling, kudos to you. WARNING: Do not fly until you can walk, don’t do the drooling before you can master the eyes and mouth. Otherwise you’ll become a laughing stock, and a faggot.
ROCK FACE NUMBER FOUR
One important note before I elaborate further, please skip this technique if you look like a faggot. How to find out if you’re one? It’s easy. Google some gay porn and watch. If you’ve managed to make it through 5 seconds, you’re a faggot. Also, if you have actually downloaded gay porn, you’re automatically a faggot without even having to watch it. AND, if you even bothered to take the first step, you’re one of them too.. Not to mention you deserve to die.. five times.. repeatedly without rest.
All these aside, only people with an intense face can pull this off. Notice the position of the eyebrows, both of your eyebrows must combine to make a “V” shape. Notice the shit that looks like a pussy in between the eyebrow? I don’t know what is that called but hell yeah it sure made it look more intense! The gap the mouth is easy to achieve though, just say “ahhhhhh” and you’ll get the exact width and height. This is called “The Fiery Eyes of Hell”. ADDITIONAL INFO: The best time to use this technique is when you do a pinch harmonic.
ROCK FACE NUMBER FIVE
This particular rock face is an ode to Yngwie Malmsteen himself. Which is why I call it, “The Viking Pride.” The face is very easy to do but it’s the timing that has led a lot of guitarists to their downfall. Even the greatest of guitarists dare not touch this technique cause they’ll just be labeled as a Yngwie wannabe. You might ask why there isn’t a poorly sketched drawing for this technique. Well I’ll tell you why, cause it’s so fucking untouchable you’ll have to watch the video for yourself!
Brilliant moments:-
1. 0:31-0:37 = The master is surprised his audience are still alive after 30 seconds.
2. 2:40-2:57 = After a fast passage, the master laughs at his godlike abilities.
3. 6:15-6:16 AND 7:27-7:28= Please do not attempt this move unless your name ends with Vai or Malmsteen. Legend has it that they have copyrighted this move.
4. 7:33-8:10 = The Viking Pride itself. Notice that at 7:52 people are standing in to pay respect and honor The Viking Pride. I heard rumours years ago that 1524 people died in this concert. Guess what they didn't do? You're right, they sat throughout The Viking Pride.
5. Based on the facial expression of the keyboardist:-
8:37 = "Oh my God what does he want again?"
8:47 = "For fuck's sake why the fuck am i supposed to do with this?"
9:01 = "Finally , let's just get this over with, ok?"
9:11 = "Yawn, same ol bullshit again."
9:15 = "God I look like Yngwie's bitch. Maybe i should do a ROCK FACE!"
Obviously there are more rock faces out there but it's impossible to document them properly in this blog without causing google's servers to overload. Have fun with your new rock face techniques, be sure to combine them to create combo expressions! Those are guaranDAMNteed to knock people's head off!
In the race of expanding our phrasing vocabulary, we often forget about the essence of rock ‘n’ roll itself. What is rock ‘n’ roll all about? Definitely, it’s not about being faster and better. Rock ‘n’ roll is not a sport, it is an art. Which is why I wanna talk about THE way to rock without being fast. And that one true way is making rock ‘n’ roll faces!
ROCK FACE NUMBER ONE
This is what I call “The Teeth Grit”. In order to execute this move, you will have to grit your teeth tightly as if someone has just ripped you a new asshole.. whether he wants to make you a little more aerodynamic or maybe… cause you’re just a genuine asshole. Do remember to close your eyes tightly in order to display to your audience that you are FEELING the note. It also shows how intense you are.
ROCK FACE NUMBER TWO
The second rock face is christened, the “OOH (add some vibrato, the heavier the better, when you say this to your friend) Face”. As you can see, the above dude is absolutely FEELIN! his note. The most suitable scenario to do this is when you’re bending up and doing vibrato after the bend. Feel free to bang your head a little if you want to. REMEMBER! No extreme up and down motion, just a little will do. Or else you’ll come of as a freak of nature.
ROCK FACE NUMBER THREE
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS MAN IS TOTALLY DRUGGED OUT OF HIS MIND!!!!! The third rock face is what I’d like to call, “Lost in Fantasy”. Look at his eyes, it’s like he had just nicked Lucy’s Diamond in the Sky. This face will make you look as if you’re lost in your notes. You’ve gotten so into what you play you became so fucking high. If you can pull this off while drooling, kudos to you. WARNING: Do not fly until you can walk, don’t do the drooling before you can master the eyes and mouth. Otherwise you’ll become a laughing stock, and a faggot.
ROCK FACE NUMBER FOUR
One important note before I elaborate further, please skip this technique if you look like a faggot. How to find out if you’re one? It’s easy. Google some gay porn and watch. If you’ve managed to make it through 5 seconds, you’re a faggot. Also, if you have actually downloaded gay porn, you’re automatically a faggot without even having to watch it. AND, if you even bothered to take the first step, you’re one of them too.. Not to mention you deserve to die.. five times.. repeatedly without rest.
All these aside, only people with an intense face can pull this off. Notice the position of the eyebrows, both of your eyebrows must combine to make a “V” shape. Notice the shit that looks like a pussy in between the eyebrow? I don’t know what is that called but hell yeah it sure made it look more intense! The gap the mouth is easy to achieve though, just say “ahhhhhh” and you’ll get the exact width and height. This is called “The Fiery Eyes of Hell”. ADDITIONAL INFO: The best time to use this technique is when you do a pinch harmonic.
ROCK FACE NUMBER FIVE
This particular rock face is an ode to Yngwie Malmsteen himself. Which is why I call it, “The Viking Pride.” The face is very easy to do but it’s the timing that has led a lot of guitarists to their downfall. Even the greatest of guitarists dare not touch this technique cause they’ll just be labeled as a Yngwie wannabe. You might ask why there isn’t a poorly sketched drawing for this technique. Well I’ll tell you why, cause it’s so fucking untouchable you’ll have to watch the video for yourself!
Brilliant moments:-
1. 0:31-0:37 = The master is surprised his audience are still alive after 30 seconds.
2. 2:40-2:57 = After a fast passage, the master laughs at his godlike abilities.
3. 6:15-6:16 AND 7:27-7:28= Please do not attempt this move unless your name ends with Vai or Malmsteen. Legend has it that they have copyrighted this move.
4. 7:33-8:10 = The Viking Pride itself. Notice that at 7:52 people are standing in to pay respect and honor The Viking Pride. I heard rumours years ago that 1524 people died in this concert. Guess what they didn't do? You're right, they sat throughout The Viking Pride.
5. Based on the facial expression of the keyboardist:-
8:37 = "Oh my God what does he want again?"
8:47 = "For fuck's sake why the fuck am i supposed to do with this?"
9:01 = "Finally , let's just get this over with, ok?"
9:11 = "Yawn, same ol bullshit again."
9:15 = "God I look like Yngwie's bitch. Maybe i should do a ROCK FACE!"
Obviously there are more rock faces out there but it's impossible to document them properly in this blog without causing google's servers to overload. Have fun with your new rock face techniques, be sure to combine them to create combo expressions! Those are guaranDAMNteed to knock people's head off!
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