Baffling Case of Gnomes and Ducks

I remembered this clearly like it was a Paul Gilbert video I watched. It's May 31st. And tomorrow's Christmas. Someone bought me a new PC but I forgot who it was. When I pried my eyelids open, the lights in my luxurious room were out cause somebody fucked up the wiring to my PC. Astounding much? But it really happened.

It could really be that Paul Gilbert himself told me this but I somehow found the root of the problem. I glared intently at the towering trees covered in snow in front of me, right in this fuckin pimped out room of mine, coated with minimalists designs. Not only that, my instincts told me that if I just climbed up these trees and collect the rubber ducks, gnomes and wine glasses down and arrange them by category, the wiring complications would be solved.

"We want our overdued acknowledgement in electrical engineering!"

Climbin' trees isn't for people like me but hey, as soon as I took my first jump I discovered that I had a knack for scaling up trees Wolverine style and slide down them. I collected all the required items for the repair and slid down the tree. The snow on the top portion of the bark made it easier but halfway through, the snow got lesser and miraculously I didn't hurt my thighs while sliding down.

I proceeded to arrange the ducks and gnomes and found out that Shan Shan (from Sweatlee's blog) was in my room. How convenient, now I have to arrange gnomes with a total stranger I've never met. After solving the Baffling Case of Gnomes and Ducks, the lightbulbs in the backyard lighted up. Me and Shan Shan stepped out and chatted. As of now, I can't quite recall what we talked about but I remembered her teasing me about my height. I was about to deliver a slap, with the always reliable master hand but her angelic smile deconstructed all the armor repelling me from her radiating presence.

"My future backyard is somehow like this."

After that, we went inside and climbed the stairs, presumably the one to my luxurious room. Out of the sudden, my eyes opened and I realized it's just a dream. A fucking weird dream -_-

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They say dreams are the golden road to your subconscious thoughts so I'm gonna try to relay these signals my brain are firing. Maybe I'm ready to move on. Maybe I'm not satisfied with my height. The rubber ducks and gnomes might represent the inner child in me that doesn't wanna grow up. It is possible that I'm easily infatuated with foreign girls. The luxurious room may very well mean that I still want to be ridiculously rich to the point that everyone hates me. As for the Christmas shit, I think it's cause I want a keyboard and a complete upgrade for my RG565. As for the PC, YES I WANT ONE!!! But ultimately.....

maybe I just need a good fuck.

Born In The Wrong Time

Apparently, everyone thinks it's cool to hate Justin Bieber nowadays. I'm not really sure, but some people just hate him cause it's the "in" thing to do, isn't it? Cut the boy some slack, will ya? That kid didn't suddenly have a number one hit by just sitting in front of his computer hating on other kids who made it. He tried and utilized every opportunity given to get to where he is today.

I dare you people to even post up a video of you singing in youtube. It's not easy gathering all that courage to do so and get some flak in the process. I don't understand these people, sitting in front of their computers typing shit and not doing shit with their lives. At least he did, God gave him lemonade and he raped that lemonade, cummed in it and conquer the lemonade albeit sexually. As for you people, God gave you lemonade and you just sat there and masturbate with your hands.

No questions asked, I fuckin loved that song "Baby" a couple of months ago. Sure, it's not gonna be on the greatest hits list but hey, at least he gets to buy a ps3 with the money. Personally, it's just that most of his songs suck, not himself. Anyway, maybe Bieber came out at the wrong time... Now, if only he were born in the 60s.. He could be....................... DONNY MOTHERFUCKIN OSMOND!!!!!

Return of the King

Remember, this site gives you the latest updates on Paul Gilbert!!! God I'm so excited that the child in me is screaming out of excitement as June 23 draws closer. Purely out of this gratification, I went to the Chinese and Japanese version of wikipedia and typed Paul Gilbert's name. And I got ポール・ギルバート and 保罗·布兰登·吉尔伯特. I have no idea what the pinyin for Chinese is, so it'd be nice if some Chinese educated chaps enlighten me. As for the Japanese version, I'm guessing it's something like Paolu Gilbakto or something. ISN'T THIS EXCITING?!?! YOU JUST FOUND OUT DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY PAUL GILBERT!!!

This might be a little over the top but one of the reasons I'm writing so much Paul Gilbert in this blog is cause I hope Paul visits arguably the best site in KL, Borneo Island and some say Singapore too, which is this site.

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Anyway, until Paul's one man revival of the shred genre commences, I'll still be listening to Korean and Mandopop. Jay Chou came back with a new album. Well, his songwriting skills are still there but I don't understand why is he using auto-tune in one of his songs. It's not like he can't hit those high notes, goddamnit. Abrupt end.

Getting Older

Dayum, visited a couple of my friends' blogs and they all updated. So in order to not feel left out I've decided to breath new life into mine as well. Well actually, it's just cause I'm having my one week semester break right now and boredom is boring its boring self into my bored skull.

For those of you who cared, or actively uses facebook and have me in your friend list, you might noticed that it was my birthday on the 22nd of May. God, time passes so fast. I'm 23 already. I played DoTA on Garena last night until 3 something in the morning. My friends said they were sleepy so we had to stop. First thing that crossed my mind was;

"Goddamn they're sleepy when it's just 10pm?"

I tabbed out and realized that it's already 4fuckingAM. All of a sudden I felt so lifeless. Lifeless like "what the fuck I'm doing?" I woke up at 4pm and stared at the PC and BAM suddenly it's 4am. Time passes so fast especially when you're not paying attention. Anyway, back to the birthday shit.

I've never really celebrated my birthday before, no fancy parties and all that. Maybe once or twice, but those were in my primary school days. Growing up sucks. Growing older sucks even more. Reality hits you with its big dick and that dick grows bigger as you get older. Suddenly all these adult terms like down payment, salary, hentai rape, bondage, income tax, career advancement comes in. Then you realize you're gonna start slaving for the corporate world when you graduate from college.

Gone are the days where you just wake up and compete with friends to see who can sleep the longest in class without getting scolded. Gone are the days where you talk shit and play DoTA all day. Gone are the days where you just sleep late without worrying that your health might be failing you soon. Come to think of it, I never had any worries during my school days. Well.. most of my worries are about "Hmm are you gonna do a handjob or a blowjob tonight" or "Do I still have leftover condom in my wallet tonight?"

What's there to celebrate? If I'm not fucking Lee Hyori doggie style while playing God of War 3 on PS3, with Hyuna tongue-raping my ear and shamelessly complimenting my good looks, there's nothing to celebrate. The only birthday worth celebrating is when your girlfriend hits 18 and she thinks she's entitled to a cumshot to the belly... or face, depending on her fetishes. Just kidding, I don't have these kind of fantasies, really :(

"The Gods have truly blessed you, Kratos."

But I guess the bottom line is, life goes on. I won't wish myself happy birthday, but I hope that I will have the courage to take all these shit that life throws at me, pick them up...shine em real nice.... keep shinin' it.... TURN THAT SUM BITCH SIDEWAYS AND STICK IT UP ITS CANDY ASS

I Died

Last night I died and then lived again after watching this video. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!



I don't know about this, but I think when a guy sees a girl with a hot body. The only sound they'll make are these:

"Ooooooh"

"Fooooooh" <--just add F in front of the ooooooh

"OOOOOOH"<-- this one is kinda like oooh but it's a long OH instead.

"xxxxiiiii"<--the sound you make when you grit your teeth and inhale. for a combo effect the practitioner is expected to then make a "HOOOOOOOO" exhaling sound.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" <--supposed to end with a "CK" but then usually you'll die before finishing it. This expression is only reserved for people like Kate Beckinsale and Monica Bellucci. Paul Gilbert too, if you're gay.

As you have probably predicted, I did say FUUUUU and died before completing it. The curves, the fair skin, smooth legs, fat ass cheeks that beg some pinching action... XXXXXIIIIIIII.Sometimes, it makes you wonder why instead of these five and the usual cuss words like GODDAYUM!, people never see a chick with a hot bod and say, "Hmm I think this girl has good future prospects."

one of the reasons why girls shouldn't have long hair

Preceding these hypocritically down to earth statements are always thoughts about wanting to fuck that said hot chick or just having her as a girlfriend. Needless to say, I made all four of these CONTINUOUSLY while wanting to just spread her legs ala how eagles spread their wings. I christen this move, the "Flying Eagle". This is just a short prelude to my next post. Which is obviously about girls! Have fun reading, and waiting.

Monday (Unexpected Continuation)

I meant coke. I giggled inside my heart like a 6 year old brat and said, "Yeah why not?" Then I remembered that I told Vincent I would write boring shit about how my day went cause we came to a conclusion that these shit garner more comments. Now that I've finished typing this post in 10 minutes, I want my 30+ comments, motherfuckers.

Oh wait, I haven't properly linked all my friends who blog so I have to do it now..... Okay it's done. While linking these blogs, I decided that after this I will dry my clothes and go to sleep.

Now that I've completely through with this shit in 13 minutes, I now want 50+ comments, you shit-eating unappreciative motherfuckers.

p.s. Wow, this is a fucking long post. Have fun reading!

p.p.s. Wa caocibai this post was too fucking long that my blog got fucked right after I posted this shit. My titles got screwed up, there weren't any archives and shit like that. I guess my life is kind of exciting.. heheh

p.p.s. Okay it was still fucked up. And I found out that it's because I didn't put an apostrophe ("<----this little dipshit right here) after i typed the html link to Vincent's blog. Yeah, my life is exciting. And I still want my now increased 70+ comments.

p.p.p.s. I edited the post before because I remembered DWFUCKTHISFUCKINGNAMEDOUBLEIKION messaged me on MSN. After that, I edited this post again to tell you fuckers this shit. I'm so honest sometimes I'm scared of myself. THIS IS A NO HOLDS BARRED HONEST POST THAT EVENTUALLY TOOK ME ALMOST HALF AN HOUR. END.

Monday

I woke up at around 1030 in the morning. How did I know? Cause I fucking looked at my phone after I woke up. Not contended with the sleep that I had, I continued to lie around (Always a good excuse for being lazy). Half an hour later, Steve Vai's Gentle Ways begin playing through my phone's speakers. Note to self: this song is beginning to annoy me. Remember to change alarm ringtone. Wake up call from a friend after that.

I got up and powered up the laptop, took off my pants and noticed my early morning erection. Too bad there's no pussy to go with this Godzilla dick of mine. I went to brush my teeth and take a bath. I forgot to wash my formal clothes last week so I decided to wear the same shit I last wore. I didn't tell a soul so I hope nobody finds out. I proceeded to dry my hair and shit. Hey, even men have to take care of their appearance these days, fuck society norms.

After dicking around on facebook, I went down to my Myvi(小红）and fetched my friend and we went for lunch at some fucking overpriced chicken rice restaurant of some sort. I paid RM50 but she gave me another RM50 back. I suddenly think that was the best chicken rice I've ever had. I finally gave in to my addiction and went to 71(some 24/7 shop that has clearly no originality). We then went to college.

Waited for around 15 fucking minutes for the van. I had the urge to just take off my pants and walk to college, it was THAT hot. Or maybe it's the feminine me talking to myself. Reached college and daydream for an hour and half. Halfway through, this China friend decided that he wants to be disturbed and asked me why I didn't hold his hand up so that the teacher will ask him to answer the question, because I did it to my other friend. I was afraid that he'd cry so I did it to him. He then squealed... or something like that and proceeded to hit me twice. The teacher said something like this,

"Why are you touching him. Please sit in front!!!"

Jesus Christ, you didn't have to make me into a rape victim, do you? She said it as if I complied to the rape itself. Fuck that shit. Anyway, class ended and we went to another class. Blabla boring bullshit I sat through the whole class trying to hide from the teacher's view cause I was feeling sleepy. After that class, Raymond called me and asked if I wanted to go for dinner at 5 fucking 30. I'm afraid of loneliness so I agreed to fetch Wei Jian. He then called me again and said it's cancelled. Yay!

I went home and chatted with my friend while browsing some comedy sites/forums with hope that those long lost creative juices will start flowing again. Listened to 陈奕迅's 你的背包 for the rest of the night. Around 8, we went to Carrefour for KFC since we're feeling like eating some chicken. I don't know about them but I did. There never really was a choice, heheh. We finished and got lost in the carpark for a few seconds.

Came back at 9 and continued listening to that song. Chatted with a friend again while re-reading michaelooi.net. This guy should be given a Nobel Prize just for blogging, no shit. Around 12 something, my friend wanted to sleep so I said goodnight and bye bye.

Somewhere in between, my friend DW some fucking double-I kion (what a fucking confusing name) messaged me on MSN and said hello. Well, his version of hello is, "hey let's go gg(Garena a.k.a. DoTA). I declined cause I didn't feel like playing on this piece of shit laptop. I think that answer sparked the inner gay in him because he started talking about wanting me to buttfuck him and some shit like that. I closed his window straight away.

Then I continued reading and reading. Wei Jian came in to Randall's room (Sorry man, but it's my territory for this one week) and asked me if I wanted some cock.....