SO HARD (no it's not my dick)

Sigh, it's so hard to meet societal norms nowadays. Speak too good of an English, get told you're a pretentious prick. Speak too bad of an English, you get called an uneducated ah-beng (some slur akin to chav in the UK). It's not even like I'm actually good at it, but at least better than you. Is it wrong to be professional, to try and speak the best English that you can? Now I have to monitor how many lah's and leh's I'm allowed to say in a sentence? Might as well go ching chong ling long since you motherfuckers are proud of foreigners laughing at our pronounciation, right?