have fun... READING

Mr Big NOOOOOOOO!

2011-09-06T12:43:00.003+08:00

Gah, just when I thought the Mr Big world tour is finally over, they're going back to Europe again. Some of you may think I gobble up whatever the hell Paul dishes out but sad to say, I don't like EVERYTHING he puts out. The latest Mr Big album isn't that bad, but I felt a lot of those songs are just fillers. I just don't really dig their brand of rock + shred hybrid. Goddamnit Paul, I know you don't give a fuck about what music your fans want you to do but please just make another vocal album for me already!

Anyway, the holiday is abruptly ending this week (I thought I'll have another 2 weeks at least) and I'm starting to get reluctant in leaving this place. What did I do this holiday? Well, spending all day watching Starcraft 2 streams, redditing 24/7, listening to LOTS of new electronic music. For the past week though, I've been going to the cybercafe day and night since a friend of mine who always plays DoTA is now back. Holy shit there were so many changes to the heroes I don't even know what skill does what anymore.

O well, doesn't really matter now cause once I go back I'll be playing Starcraft again. Can't wait to inject larvae!

DOOOON'T

2011-08-08T02:44:00.004+08:00

Please, don't watch this video if you don't want to watch hot Korean idols playing games that has a lot of contact with liquid H2O on a variety show and also incidents of accidentally exposing their cleavage. PLEASE DON'T!

God I fucking love Korea.

Exam

2011-07-30T01:52:00.002+08:00

Tis the season to be studious fa la la la la, la la la la. Similar to true procrastinators, there will be a lot of midnight oil burning these few days as I will be grinding useless facts about the business world into my brain.

Sometimes I'm really enthused about what I'm studying about but at times I find it totally ridiculous. Exam questions that promotes critical thinking, solving situations critically. Especially in the Malaysian education system, I sometimes feel it's all just a fucking joke. I have friends who are able to score these exam papers by memorizing what they're supposed to think about critically. Jesus fucking Christ.

Who are we (graduates) to really solve these problems. Are we really that capable? If there really is an efficient and effective way to solve these problems that the corporate world is experiencing, is it really rational to assume that us, mere students who don't even have degrees are capable of solving them?

Corporations are willing to fork out enormous amount of money to keep their business running and growing, hiring experts in their respective fields. This really says A LOT about their seriousness towards solving business incidents.

The way I see it, if it's not solved yet. It probably means solving these problems are just deemed not feasible. Or there are just no efficient ways to solve it without incurring too much losses. EITHER THAT, OR:

Some of these people in the corporate ladder don't know what the fuck they're doing.

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If you've been reading this blog for a long time, you'll probably get the gist of where this post is heading. Yes you're correct, it's time to introduce my favourite music as of this writing. Music that's accompanying my grinding these few nights.

Introducing..... BREAKBOT! A little info, as usual. Breakbot is a French producer/dj who specializes in electro, funk and powerpop very reminiscent of the disco/funk era. Think Earth Wind Fire etc but infused with more electro elements. Lastly, no I'm not studying for Chemistry -_-

Nerd-chills

2011-07-20T12:07:00.003+08:00

Holy shit it's been a while since I last had a song sending nerd-chills all over my body. If you're familiar with Nobuo Uematsu's work, good for you. But if you're not, just know that he got famous for his compositions for the Final Fantasy series as well as others. If you have the slightest interest in music, please do check him out. My current favourite is "Theme of Love" from Final Fantasy IV. Stay a while and listen!

Historical Moment

2011-07-15T16:12:00.001+08:00

Yesterday a historic thing happened...

A POST CONCERNING PAUL GILBERT FINALLY MADE IT TO THE TOP AT R/MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

GILBERTIANS UNITE!

Concerning Tomorrow

2011-07-08T19:08:00.003+08:00

WHY AM I WRITING THIS?!?!!

2011-07-04T04:17:00.003+08:00

Reading about gaining weight and then fucking updating the blog talking about it while I'm 75% into an assignment I have to show the lecturer tomorrow. If this isn't procrastination I don't know what the fuck is.

Sometimes I wish there's a 24/7 gay dude for hire who will fuck me in the ass whenever I do something unrelated to my assignment. Now THAT will motivate me. No, not the ass-fucking. I meant the fear of getting ass-fucked.

Jesus fucking Christ I gotta do my assignment now. By the way, I'm sort of serious about the gay dude for hire. For now, at least. Do contact me before my interests wane.

Destiny's Balls

2011-06-24T01:26:00.004+08:00

Guitar players out there reading this. Ever feel like you wanna just belt out some sweet ass blues solo but some of your gears are missing cause somehow the stars and moon are aligned and the whether just brings out the blues in you? That's how I'm feeling right now, no fucking amp. But it's entirely my fault. I was lazy when I found out the amp that I bought was faulty and didn't send it for repair straight away. And now, it's almost two months since I bought it, and one month since I sent it for repair. I haven't played a single note on that amp.

That's not what I wanna talk about today though, at least not the underlying problem that's just cascading and turning into this big problem that I'm currently having.

I've skimmed through some of my posts from past years. Not too shockingly, I've grown to the point that I kinda disagree with all the bullshit that I've preached all these years. Just laughing at myself, really.

Now, I'm fully aware this kind of talk is usually reserved for those anniversary bullshit or end of year public service announcements. Still, I think it'll be interesting to revisit those past topics and just pen down what I think of them now and why they were outright stupid.

Again, I'm happy with my growth these years but definitely not satisfied! I WILL GRAB MY DESTINY BY THE BALLS AND SQUEEZE THE FUCK OUT OF THEM!

p.s. have fun and good luck, guys

Overpopulation?

2011-06-21T00:13:00.003+08:00

I was listening to Paul Gilbert's Six Billion People and realised that that song is gonna be a mistake soon cause the world population is gonna hit 7 billion soon. Six Billion People is the only song on Paul's albums that went full-on jazz here's the song to showcase his versatility!

The lyrics are sweet too :D

New Companions

2011-06-17T04:50:00.003+08:00

For the first time, Paul Gilbert isn't accompanying me tonight. As long time readers might have noticed, it has always been Paul who sings to me whether through his voice or guitar whenever I'm rushing for assignments.

Jesus Christ, I just hope he gets that Mr. Big tour over with a.s.a.p. and go back to making a solo vocal album. Anyways, I'm listening to Final Fantasy 7 and Zelda, and having them on repeat. Really brings back memories. Memories of grinding characters, fighting insane bosses, just getting nerdy in general. Now I'm grinding for the chance to offer myself as a slave to the corporate world.

Anyway, be sure to check out the songs I'm listening to right now. They are:

Final Fantasy
Aeris' Theme
Tifa's Theme
Cloud Smiles
Fisherman's Horizon
Breezy
Village of Dali

Zelda
Ocarina of Time title theme
Song of Storms
Lost Woods
Bolero of Fire

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So many great music, so little time to listen to all of them... O well, back to doing assignments. Bye.

FISH!

2011-06-09T13:21:00.002+08:00

Give a man a fish, and he eats for the day. Teach the man to fish, and he gets to eat till his river is polluted by the factory dumping toxic just up river.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach the man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.

Teach the man to fish and he'll want to use your yacht.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach the man to fish, and you can make a lifetimes profit selling fish to the man.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Which of these are better?

p.s. All quotes shamelessly lifted from the internet

Update Update

2011-06-02T03:25:00.004+08:00

My god, it's really astounding when you think about how time flies. I've been having the death stick for almost six years already. And to think I was telling myself I'd stop after 3 or 4 years. Who the fuck was I kidding, hahah.

Birthday was last week. Didn't celebrate as usual. Like I've said before, I don't see the point in celebrating. But do I really? Maybe it's just cause the state of my life is just not worth celebrating. At least not now. Don't get me wrong, I hate regretting past choices for there's nothing you can do about choices that are made.

I'm very thankful for what I have. All those choices made me who I am. I am happy but I can be happier. So I wanna thank all who made me, me.

To my parents.. jesus fuck do I really have to state the countless reasons? My brother, even though you still owe me 600+ and being a lazy selfish fuck sometimes. To my aunt, I'll never be here at KL if it wasn't for her. If I wasn't in KL, I wouldn't have done all this growing up that I needed so badly. If I didn't grow up and step out of my comfort zone, I wouldn't have met all the guys at music master. To all those great people at college, no matter how much my Paul Gilbert hair pawn you guys. All my hometown friends, although we don't talk much anymore.

By the way, I took the liberty of giving myself a birthday present by breathing new life into my Ibanez RG565 even before my parents gave me the funds. Using college money. And I have no fucking amp to play that guitar on right now, which is a huge fucking turn off. Fuck that shit -_-

SOOOOOO all in all, happy birthday to me. The world didn't improve or implode because of this. So everyone should have fun living their life. It's a wonderful world we're living in, and a great time to be alive, if you're "lucky". Hope you know what I mean.

Louis Armstrong agrees with me.

Quote

2011-05-26T05:29:00.003+08:00

Nothing interesting happening these days so I'll just slam an incredible quote to your faces to make up for the lack of updates.

That was a lie. I'm lazy. Anyway, marvel at this great quote that I stole from the internet. There's a new perspective to everything, everyday. What a wonderful world we live in... Hope this gives you something to think about. Have fun and stay safe, guys

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. " George Bernard Shaw.

Lost in Translation

2011-05-14T10:56:00.002+08:00

I like kpop idols. I like how the boy idols act like they fuckin' gangsta and shit, always showing their abs, giving girls the "you wanna suck this dick?" eyes, pretending like they're screwing all the celebrity kpop bitches and BAM!! They're suddenly so polite when off stage.

I like how the girl idols act all sexy, shoving their asses to your face every chance they get, giving you the "fuck me doggy style while insulting me" eyes while dancing, acting cute whenever possible and then BAM!! THEY'RE STILL SHOVING ASSES TO YO FACE WHEN OFF STAGE!! All the while acting like they're 15 year old virgins, which is debatable but let's not go there :(

There is one thing that intrigues me the most is the fact that nobody ever corrects their English. Nope, not even the lyricist, producers or those that came back to Korea from English-speaking countries. Just to prove my point, I've taken the liberty to translate this song for you guys. Believe me, I had to re-watch that video for half an hour.

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sunday moanin rain is fallin
stare some covah shray some skin
clow lay shrowing us in momen unforgettable
your tweez to fit the more that i am in
but thin just get so crazy libing lipe gets hard to do
and now i gowling hit the low get up and go if i knew
there sunday it durr ring me back to you
there sunday it durr ring me back to you

then may be all i near
dungnay she is all i see
come and let your bone wing me
divin slow on sunday moanin
when i never want to lee

fringer twace your every our-ine
paint a picture with my hands
frick and fro we say like brancess in the sewn
change a weather still together when it end

then may be all i nead
in dungness she is all i see
come and let your bone wing me
diving slow on sunday moanin
and i never want to lee-ah

but thing just get so crazy libing like gets hard to do
and i will gowling ip the load get up and go ipai knew
that sunday it would ling me back to you
that sunday it would ling me back to you

aw-rye

may be all i near
dungnah she is all i see
come and let your bone with me
drivin slow on sunday moanin
and i neber want to lee
and i never want to lee
and i never waaaaaaant to leeeeeeee

Momma's Day

2011-05-09T15:35:00.004+08:00

I believe all of you know it was Mother's Day yesterday. How could you not know when everybody's fucking posting mother's day messages on social networks and such? It is definitely safe to say that most mom's of my peers (born in the 50s) don't even have facebook, which brings me to my next point.

What's the fucking point IF they don't have a facebook account? You tell me that you're shy to say it to your mom. Hell, I'm fucking shy about these things and still I called her and tell it straight to her face (or ears). At least let her know through an sms, or through relatives. Any fucking thing but facebook?!

I'll shut my mouth only if you ask your mom to get a facebook account just to see your insincere and attention-whoring message.

Fatass

2011-05-05T14:34:00.002+08:00

In order to go to the college car park, us students have to take a van to actually get there from the college. So while I was in the van, there's this chick who asked her friend to hold her bag so that she can get on her damn seat easier. Then, she proceeded to say,

"Ah the bag is too big."

No, bitch. It's not your bag. It's you.

I'm a pussy so I didn't say it to her face. That fatass could've chokeslam me into oblivion goddamnit.

Virginal Dish!

2011-04-27T02:07:00.002+08:00

Just ate my first chee cheong fun after staying in KL for like, fucking 3 years. It was on monday at... Taman Tun? I forgot, and THAT was after driving for like half an hour to places I've never been to before looking for food. Damnit, I really hate myself for preferring to stay in my comfort zone(my home) instead of exploring all the things that KL has to offer.

Anyway, chee cheong fun is good. But I'd prefer if it didn't come with the gravy thing, soggy food makes me feel uneasy most of the time. Hmm, I'm wondering if I should take pictures of all these boring shit I do.

Did I tell you guys chee cheong fun isn't that bad? Have fun.

Update Update

2011-04-24T01:47:00.004+08:00

Best quote that I read today:

"Take a guy away from the societal constraints on what he's supposed to be attracted to and the pressure from his friends on going with the status quo in group attraction and most men would fuck anything if no-one else knew."

Now now, you might be saying to yourself, "Nah, I'll never do that." There might be some truth in there, but I'm a firm believer that there are things which you will never ever understand until you've experienced it. I'm always hearing people who broke up with their significant others tell me they're fine, they're doing strong, they wanna show their s/o how well they do without them, only to act in contrast with their initial stand on the matter at hand. Stuff like that.

These things, people don't really care about it. Then they proceed to make judgments on how they will tackle the situation when it comes. Take the death stick for example. Coming from my own point of view, I'm not fucking scared of death or fucking cancer at all. Why? Cause I haven't got that shit yet, that's why. We're all living like we're gonna live forever.

That's why you can never get a person to quit by raising concerns about health and whatnot.

Anyway, can't wait for "Cannon" to be back next week. Listening to Led Zep's "Since I've Been Loving You" really makes me wanna play right now. Fucking Robert Plant sang the shit out of that song, LIKE A BOSS! I withheld from buying the Cort Source, by the way. Gonna go for a 1 watt tube amp instead. Sam fucking convinced me -_-

No Money, More Problems

2011-04-22T00:21:00.004+08:00

There's a meeting with the FYP (Final Year Project) tomorrow and I'm supposed to read up journals/articles on online retailing. Well, I have them all opened and lined up on Chrome nicely, waiting for me to lay my attentive eyes on them now but fucking Skrillex and NiT GriT is distracting me goddamnit.

What's even worse is the fact that my personal college's account has been suspended for not paying fees. For fuck's sake, how am I supposed to pay the fees if the PTPTN guys are still at the coffee shop drinking coffee or sucking corporate dicks?! With the account blocked I won't be able to submit my ingenious FYP proposal.

O well, time to comb my nerd hair and meet the person in charge tomorrow. Hopefully my faux American accent will lead him into a trap thinking I'm actually a superior intellect and he's supposed to be graced by my presence. What a fucking week, even the KFC I had tasted like shit (figuratively). No pussy this week too. Oh wait, I've never had it for months. Fuck this shit. Blog update tomorrow, by the way.

Stay tuned, motherfuckers.

Psychedelic Shit

2011-04-14T14:24:00.003+08:00

Goddamn, this song sounds like some psychedelic trance shit. Feels like people should watch this while taking hallucinogenic substances. Moreover, Ah Young and Serri's fucking HOT GODDAMN. On another note, do not take drugs. It's bad fo yo health, son.

Enjoy and have fun.

Fuck, there's no embedding to this video. Here's the link. It's a kpop song, by the way. So, you guys should know what to expect.

Music Yesterday, Today

2011-04-13T14:12:00.003+08:00

I'll tell you guys what this post is REALLY about.

This post is not for me to share some music which you probably don't care about. Truthfully, I wrote this in order to seek validation from strangers. Blogging is kinda like this scene:

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Paul is having a bad day. On his way to work, he met Marty. This conversation ensues:

Paul: Hey, how's your day Marty! (cheerfully)
Marty: Not bad. How's yours? (big mistake from Marty)
Paul: OH MY GOD BLABLABLABLA SUCKS BLABLABLA THIS THAT BLABLABLA CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

Marty has two choices. One is to say, "Yeah that sucks." Second is to say, "Hey maybe if you do blablabla right, this won't happen." Guess which one will make Paul think of Marty as a good friend at that moment?

I'm guilty of this at least once in my life. How about you?

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As opposed to what some people may believe, blogs are not for you and I to share our thoughts. In my opinion, blogging is an ingenious way to seek validation. For people to tell me that I'm right about Paul Gilbert being the one true God since the 80s. You think when I post about Paul Gilbert, my thoughts on various trivial matters, all I'm hoping for is for someone to prove me I'm wrong? Fuck no. I'm waiting for strangers I've never met to say, "YOU GODDAMN RIGHT, SON!"

Imagine this. Let's assume that our thoughts and principles are investments. I've invested hours and hours in Paul Gilbert, convinced that he is DA MAN in guitar playing. If some bitch comes to me and say, "Hey hey you you, Paul sucks because blablablabla." Wouldn't it mean that all my investments are lost? Investing TIME on a subject is something that you will never be able to regain.

You can't just say, "Oh well fuck this, Paul Gilbert is not God I'll just sell back all the TIME I invested to some unsuspecting bitch." Which is why I'm telling you every goddamn day that Paul is God, rather than accepting that Clapton, Hendrix, or Rebecca Black is probably better than him. If everything else fails, I'll resort to pointing out all the grammatical and spelling mistakes I can find in your rebuttal.

It's easier, isn't it?

All in all, people seek validation everyday all day long. If Paul Gilbert existed in ancient time, it's no strange thing that I will kill people for thinking otherwise. You'd be drinking in a tavern hearing the latest news about some guy who got stabbed and left hanging naked on a rope cause he said Paul Gilbert sucks. But hey, killing isn't allowed anymore in modern society. So instead, I FORCE MY VIEWS AND IDEAS ON YOU THROUGH THIS BLOG.

Have you ever get into an argument with a friend on something and when he proved you wrong, you said, "Yeah, you're right." Hardly. If you're easily swayed, it means you've never really invested much in it. Usually, you go back trying to come up with thousands of counter-arguments. ONLY AFTER this step, you'll concede.

I'm not saying this is right and it's admirable to do this. It takes a lot to honestly admit you're wrong. It's inevitable as well. This IS human nature after all. Tribal instinct. The "us" vs. "them" mentality. Ultimately, I needed a reason to post this music video and implying that you should say that it's the best video you've seen today. After that, I'll direct you to the "comments" section below to validate my views in the most obvious way possible. Enjoy.

p.s. I need to work "Ah shaddup-a you face" into my daily conversations from now on..

Sowwie

2011-04-12T17:09:00.002+08:00

Well... if anyone's still reading this, I'd like to tell you guys that there are A LOT of things that I want to tell you all. But the problem is, I can't come up with any content sufficient enough to qualify as a blog post. Most probably cause I haven't studied and read into these things deep enough. No one to blame but me.

Sigh, now I know why twitter is so popular. You can just let your thoughts flow without having to come up with concrete evidence and original ideas to support their inner-philosopher.

ASRALSHDJHSADJN (Some Starcraft II Player)

2011-03-28T04:26:00.004+08:00

GODDAMNIT I HATE IT WHEN IDRA LOSES, FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THESE FUCKING BRONZE LEAGUERS START RUNNING THEIR MOUTH!! WHY IDRA WHY!?!?!?!

Beauty Contests

2011-03-17T23:36:00.007+08:00

OH MY GOD GAPNAP CARRIES PAUL GILBERT'S INJECTORS PICKUPS!!!! OH SHIT OH SHITTTTT SHOULD I BUY A SEMI HOLLOW OR UPGRADE MY RG!!??? WHY IS LIFE SO HARD WHY CAN'T I HAVE EVERYTHING ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just kidding. The RG can wait.

Truthfully, I couldn't stop smiling when I laid my eye on this baby.. Goddamn, I'm still smiling now.

NONONO!!

I must not distract myself.. from acquiring... a new toy...

It's been almost a month since I've decided on buying a new guitar and I'm glad to say that I sort of made my choice already. After weeks of pondering, it has become clear that the Ibanez AF75TDG is purely G.A.S. (Gear Acquisition Syndrome?). It's not something that I need but much rather, something that I want (just because it's a cheaper alternative to the great Gretsch White Falcon look). To conclude, it was down to a once in a decade battle between Epiphone Dot and Cort Source.

One BIG problem with me is that when I wanna buy guitars, I always register them for a beauty contest in the deep and dark corner of my mind.. which is a very detestable thing to do in the eyes of so-called "tone purists"?? I don't know the term for these people. Thankfully, I still adhere to the school of thought that says tone is in the fingers/hands. Give me a beauty and I'll try my best to make it sound as beautiful as I can.

As I was saying, the Ibanez is out of the picture. Hopefully I'll be able to get it next year though heheheheh. So... I have the Epiphone Dot in this corner. Honestly speaking, I only want it because it's Epiphone. It's a brand name. It's what Armani Exchange is to Armani. A cheaper alternative. Nothing else. Nil. Even so, it's still more expensive than the other choice that I have, which is the Cort Source

I really like the Bigsby-esque bridge on the Source-BV. The colour isn't that bad too, though I'm not sure if it comes in Cherry Red. But the HEADSTOCK!!! The Cort Logo is so ugly and so bland :( And the pickguard has sharp edges which I dislike on semi-hollows.

BUT THEN!!!

Few days ago I saw something hanging on the wall of Music Master (Gapnap's shop). After a few facebook messages and a phone conversation later, I found out that it is an AXL AE-820. It's a beautiful guitar... It doesn't have the exorbitant price of an Epiphone (for my budget) and the horrendous looking headstocks and pickguards of Corts. BUUUUUUUUUUUUT it doesn't come in the colour that I want *BAWL* There's no Cherry Red but I can settle on the White one that I saw in their official website. I don't know if Gapnap has the white one though hmmm..

Simply put, my current train of thought is to go try out the Source and AE-820 when I get back to KL just to make sure it isn't completely unplayable. Probably confirm the colour selection of the AE-820 later on, which is the deciding factor in this beauty contest. May the best looking guitar win!

p.s. If you're from South East Asia or specifically Malaysia, go get your instruments from Gapnap. This guy is one of the most trustable and reliable sonuvabitch I've encountered.

PHUTURE

2011-03-16T18:46:00.003+08:00

AM I WRONG TO BELIEVE THAT DUBSTEP AND GLITCH HOP WILL BE THE MUSIC OF THE FUTURE?!?!??!?!?! OH PAUL FORGIVE ME FOR I HAVE SINNED!!

THE GLITCH MOB

NIT GRIT

If You're Not Gonna Do Anything, Shut Up

2011-03-11T20:55:00.002+08:00

I really love how people are showing support for Japan only in the wake of the destruction that just happened few hours ago when millions of people are suffering and dying from poverty, hunger, and incurable diseases every fucking day. Apparently, it takes a catastrophe(happening to others) to ignite the humanity inside us.

But hey, it's fine to provide support to them. Just as long as it requires you to sit there, talking shit and not doing anything, right? If people are really concerned, the first thing they'd do is to volunteer for help, donating through the proper channels, and countless other ways.

Nope, people just want to talk about it. In the end, they won't do shit. Why? Cause it's not them who're getting fucked. Why? Cause most are just looking out for themselves.

They don't need your prayers or blessings. They need your help.

Girl is Good at Guitar

2011-03-04T00:44:00.002+08:00

This just in..

As usual, I was reading up on the latest k-pop news, looking for new hot chicks to fantasize about when I came across... this. Noh Lee Young from the idol girl group, After School.

I don't know what to believe in anymore. Is this world real? Am I living in the matrix? Is Batman really a closet bi-sexual in disguise? TELL ME PEOPLE, TELL ME!!!!

All stupid jokes aside, I think she's playing slower than the actual version. Wait.. probably not slower, but less notes in a bar. Mistakes here and there, too. Weak vibrato. Some out of pitch bends too. And someone under the comments section made called vibrato as "vibration" which takes the "oomph" out of the word in addition to causing me to choke on my drinking water.

But the thing is she's a girl?!! SHE'S NOT ALLOWED TO BE BETTER THAN ME IN ALTERNATE PICKING ARGHHH!! This definitely brought in some loss for my confidence.. Moreover, she's in an idol group which inevitably takes a toll on her practicing time, since she has to learn dancing, singing and all that shit.

As a practitioner of the "Exploding Five Finger Gilbertian Style" art of shredding, I will adhere to my Style's code of conduct and not back down from this girl's overwhelming awesomeness. When the time comes, I will have my skills honed to prepare for this girl, who is clearly practicing the "Swedish Diminishing Viking Style". COME AT ME, BITCH! I WILL MELT YO FACE!

Oh yeah, before you guys get your fap on, I just wanna let you guys know that she looks ugly without the makeup and the brilliant lighting in this video. Nice playing, nevertheless.

Choices

2011-02-24T16:12:00.005+08:00

After months of scouring the internet (lie), I've finally found two semi/hollow body guitars that I really think is a good buy. But since I'm at my hometown now, I'll have more time contemplating whether this is just another GAS phase or some other shit. Ever since I saw Clapton playing with Lennon on the Rolling Stone's Rock n Roll Circus like fucking 7 years ago I've been wanting ES-335s. Then again, those Gibson motherfuckers sell these shit for such an expensive price :(

The two choices I have is the Ibanez AF75TDG which DeadEye is selling for 1.5k or so. And the other one is Cort Source-BV which if I'm not mistaken, is going for 1.4/1.9k. Gahhh!!!

Some of you might ask, why not go for Washburn 335 copies? Or Epiphones? Well I didn't use the word "scour" for no reason. These stuff are really hard to find in Malaysia, unless I've been looking at the wrong places. Epiphones... they're still goddamn expensive and 2nd hand Epis are nowhere to be found. Some people on the internet say that Epis are hit and miss guitars too. Some are good, some are bad. So fuck Epiphones.

Cort Source-BV

I really want a Cort Source but it's fucking Cort and I've never heard of the brand before. And I'm not sure if they have it in Cherry Red. So far, all the pictures that I've seen of this guitar is in black colour. However, it has the 335 shape that I love so so much!! ... and that's the only thing I like about it. Tone-wise, I've come to accept that sometimes these things are hit and miss. Besides, Sam told me amps matter the most...Sigh

Ibanez AF75TDG

On the other hand, there's this Ibanez AF75TDG. I love it's shape too, albeit slightly less likable than a 335 shape. And the colour!!! SOOOO NICE!! and GOLD HARDWARE!!! Selling for 1.5k which I can manage to shell out for!! BUTTTTT, it's not a 335 shape!!! And it's full hollow body, which I've heard people on the internet say that it gives a lot of feedback :(

I'm leaning towards the Ibanez at the moment, mainly because of its price. I'm hoping for some semi/hollow bodies experts to give me advice but there seem to be none in my Friend's List. Moreover, I changed my MSN ages ago and gapnap still hasn't add me yet. To call him for this problem is kinda like a dick move too since I haven't been to music master for months. And nobody's reading this shit to help me decide.

There's still one more month to decide, I hope I don't regret my decision when the time comes :(

Raw Like Sushi

2011-02-06T00:18:00.000+08:00

OH MAI GAWD I CAN DIE PEACEFULLY NOW THAT I'VE SEEN THIS! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN GOD EATING FISH AND LOBSTER?!?!??!?!?!

big [probe]
Uploaded by probeeden. - Discover more webcam videos and video blogs.

Hey

2011-02-01T02:50:00.005+08:00

Hey.

How is it going, buddy?

I was just... Well, I'm leaning on the wall just hand's reach from you. I thought I might something since you're going to go to your aunt's house for Chinese New Year.

Remember when you first brought me home? You struggled to play Paul Gilbert's alternate picking patterns on me. You told me that this is the first time you're so happy about something you bought, unlike those clothes that you wear once and never wear them again. I like how you told me you didn't mind my colour being yellow, despite my inlay being red. You told me it reminds you of Racer X's colour. I was beaming with pride!

Remember the time you played "I Cannot Tell A Lie" and uploaded it to youtube only to take it down? I'm actually very proud of you. To achieve something you thought you never could do. To play all those songs you thought you could never play. You even had the nerve to tell me that you only learnt about the name of that box after years of playing it! The pentatonic box! That was ridiculous.. and still is, heheh.

OH OH, this image still lingers in my head every now and then. There were nights when you played me till you dozed off, on your bed. You'd be too lazy to let me lean against the wall again and have me lie on your bed instead. You did it with every one of your instruments though. I was jealous at first but it's alright.. cause you're my buddy.

Oh my, how time flies..

2 years have passed since then...

And I still reminisce those time..

You never really changed my strings. Only once. And it's almost 3 years now. You and I didn't mind though. You played with me through all that rust and dirt. But that was before my volume knob got spoiled. Before I was constantly going out of tune. That was before you picked up your old friend, the red Squier Strat.

I know you really want to get me all fixed and cleaned up. Give me a proper set up for the first time. You really want to, I can tell from your eyes. Gift me another set of PG endorsed DiMarzios. But you have no money to begin with. Furthermore, you want that Epiphone Dot so bad. More versatile, you say. Even though in your heart you know that it probably can't handle heavy metal.

But I forgive you, you told me you'll never throw me out. I am the one you learnt the most with. Hahah, I still remember you told me you only bought me because I have a reversed headstock.

It's still funny how crazy you are, being a Paul Gilbert fanboy.

I hope you keep to your promise of buying me all those new pickups, hardwares and finally cleaning me after these years when you get a job. I wanna play with you again so bad!

I love you.

Paul Crazy

2011-01-21T04:08:00.005+08:00

Just finished preparing for my presentation tomorrow, and it's 4 fucking AM right now. I guess I'll only have 3 hours of sleep as I'll have to get up at 7:30 later on. Well, I didn't choose to start so late but there are just so many Starcraft games to listen to, games to watch, Paul Gilbert songs to listen to.

After all those prep, I realized that I've been doing all my assignments throughout my college life while listening to Paul Gilbert. He's been there everytime I needed someone to accompany through a long, tiring and obviously fruitful night. Also, looking back at my posts last year it seems that my love for Paul has been growing each and every day. Without any doubt, this blog is beginning to really look like a Paul Gilbert tribute site, heheh. AND THAT IS NICE! I WILL SPREAD GILBERTOLOGY throughout the whole world!

Just last night I dreamed about Paul. Meeting him face to face apparently, at some live show his. When I woke up I got kinda scared though. "Why scared?" you may ask. It's probably because I'm almost at the point of idolizing him now. It's like believing in God. Part of what's wonderful about religion is knowing that God is powerful and more importantly.. forgive me for using this word but.. "impossible"? Impossible as in "you won't know he's the real shit until you die" kind of impossible. Knowing that I'll most probably never meet and speak to him face to face kinda upholds this idolatry of mine.

I then imagined really meeting and touching him. I don't know, it's very confusing. It's like I might not think he's unreal and godly anymore. All those nights spent listening to him, scouring for latest youtube videos, interviews, checking his wife's blog everyday... they're almost like the bible to me. This is making less sense by the moment as I speak through my metaphorical pen-_-

Maybe it's like those stuff where once you get it, you don't feel like wanting it anymore. Which makes me feel a bit relieved inside for not meeting Paul yet. Honest. I hope I'm not the only PG fan who sounds this crazy. Hopefully I won't turn out to be his Mark David Chapman. I don't know if this holds true for every other Paul fans, but I don't think I'll talk music to him when I meet him. Maybe I'll bore him with my endless questions about his views on life, philosophy, maybe Starcraft, Asian cultures and all that. At this current moment, I look up to him not as a musician, but as a human being contributing to society... through his music, of course.

Goddamnit, 4:30 am and I'm talking about Paul Gilbert?! Fucking normal.... or am I just, Paul Crazy? Oh oh Paul forgive me, it should've been... GIRL CRAZY!

Truly Alone

2011-01-17T15:32:00.002+08:00

This post is by x2650 from reddit:

At my Grandfather's funeral, I had a conversation with his best friend Jack. Jack is a widow, had no children, and is very old in his 90's. Jack started crying, which in itself is a very hard thing to see. He was not crying for the loss of his best friend, though. He was crying, because he had nobody left. He was completely alone. No wife, no kids, brothers or sisters, and now, no friends. He was talking about how unfair it was that he had to continue living. Alone. He kept repeating "there's nobody left!" Of course I was bawling the whole time, but there was nothing I could say or do. Now my Dad, has sort of taken Jack on as his new Dad. He takes him out for Lunch on Sundays, or takes him on car rides in the country to see the seasons change. But it is sad to know, that he is sitting by himself in his home, lonely and waiting to die. He doesn't feel sad and alone, he is .

It is obvious that I have absolutely no say in this topic, as I have yet to live till old age. I'm not even sure if I'll live past 50 given the lifestyle that I am endearing myself to right now. Life is beautiful but I guess there are times when it goes on for too long and it just sucks.

Kinda reminds me of my grandma, sitting there watching TV everyday. I'm not even sure if she understands any of it. Whenever I'm back I'll try to converse with her, never knowing if anything I say makes sense to her. Still, she has my mom and dad accompanying her but it's just sad sometimes.. Or I'm just thinking too much. What a powerful post, and it's just one of the reasons I love reddit.

AAAAANYWAY, what better way can we lighten up the atmosphere here if it's not another song by Paul Gilbert about being old!? GODDAMNIT PAUL YOU HAVE A SONG FOR EVERY SITUATION. I LUV YA PG!

2010

2011-01-01T15:50:00.006+08:00

I'm absolutely sure that everyone will update their blogs today or yesterday talking about the upcoming/ongoing new year, that is unless they didn't forget their blog's URL in the first place. From there, they will choose a topic from a couple of options. These are:

1. A recap of 2010

2. Words of wisdom for the upcoming year

3. List resolutions just to show people that they will change TOMORROW, but not today.

4. Just a simple happy new year wish. For the Chinese, they will continue their never-ending quest for money by inserting monetary themes in their holiday greetings like "HUAT AH!!"... which roughly translates to ... earning riches?

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Since I have no words of wisdom (yet), no greetings cause I'm indifferent to whatever year it is, no resolutions or whatsoever, I'm going with the recaps in no chronological order. One of the proudest thing I did this year was to win around 600+ bucks up in Genting. This was around June together with Raymond, Tony and the others. Isn't it weird? Last new year's eve I went up to Genting and came back down with a loss, swearing never to visit that gambling den ever again. And when I did, I kept winning. No losses recorded this year, ooh yeah! Still, the score is not yet settled, Uncle Lim. I'ma hunt back my losses last year. Swords will clash, chips will be stacked, lives and friendships ruined until you give me back mah monayyyyyyyyyyy!

Hmm, what else happened? Sam becoming a blues purist is kinda of like a big thing too. We don't click as well since I'm less knowledgeable in this whole blues mumbo jumbo. I was once a purist too but never got as deep as where Sam is right now. Everything is still fine though, I respect the path he's treading in becoming a better guitar player, albeit it's a different path from mine.

Speaking of guitars, I've been experiencing yet another stagnation in my playing. Granted, I think I've improved. Thanks to Paul Gilbert, I've been able to lock in to the groove easier but it's really situational. Sometimes, the feel just isn't there. Learnt a lot of new phrasing ideas from PG as well as Guthrie Govan. Sam influenced me into playing low gain on a Strat too, which really makes individual notes shine much more. Technique wise, I'm still stuck there. Listening to Kanye West's new album right now doesn't really help too -_-

OH YEAH, I've discovered reddit.com this year and I can tell you only this, this thing is like crack! The community is awesome and sometimes post insightful reads on a variety of topics. I honestly felt like I'm ahead of everybody in terms of the latest memes, smack talks and such. Makes me feel nice about myself when I have friends referencing some memes and quotes that I've read months ago. HAHA! Even shed some tears on a couple of stuff they posted, goddamnit.

I'm also really glad I got closer to my current course mates in APIIT(University College). They're really great people and I hope for nothing but the best for them. Had a lot of laughs with them. I've never regretted changing courses halfway through the semester, these guys really made my decision worth its while. Happy new year to you muhfuckas.

Paul's Fuzz Universe dropped around August. I prefer SFBADR but this one trails closely behind. Mostly because of that droning Todd Rundgren cover and the lack of slow songs like I Cannot Tell a Lie, Still Have That Other Girl on the album. It's still good nevertheless! Favorite tracks from the albums are Bach Partita in Dm, Plastic Dracula and Propeller. I guess he'll be busy with Mr. Big in 2011 but I'm really hoping for another vocal album from PG. WE NEED SONGS LIKE MR. SPOCK!

There's also this thing... but it ended well, I'm really glad about it :)

I guess that's it, the biggest things this year. There are a couple more but the ones I mentioned are those that really made an impact in my life this year. One of my biggest regrets is saying that the new Mr Big album sucks but GODDAMN IT GROWS ON YOU! I would've like to see more pop-rock numbers on this album though... What's better than to end this post with a Paul Gilbert song? This is Keep On Keeping On

If I could give advice
Here's what I'd say
It's just the same shit
On a different day
So just keep movin'
And you'll find your way
To be strong
You got to keep on keepin' on

And from emigilbert.blogspot.com......

2010-12-14T00:37:00.002+08:00

Here is PG "injecting" his Cherry Red Fireman with his latest signature DiMarzio Injector pickups. OMG YOU ARE SO FUNNY PAUL <3 <3

Fuck it, I really wanna meet him so so bad :( Not to talk about guitar, just life in general..... :(:(

Fuck This Shit

2010-11-28T17:01:00.001+08:00

What is wrong with people nowadays? They complain and complain about others but fail to see that the fucking face they’re staring at in the mirror is doing the same shit they’ve been complaining about in the first place.

The one thing that gets on my nerves these days is that the pot calling the kettle black. And they’re so ignorant towards their own attitude. Please, fucking look at yourself before complaining. I just don’t understand this, it doesn’t take much to realize the fact of the matter is you’re just as annoying.

Think about it, if you’ve realized it then please, you don’t have to be so vocal or take drastic AND despicable measures. No one ever complained about you doing the same thing since the dawn of time. Now you think you have the right to complain? How can one person be so inconsiderate is beyond my comprehension.

Since I’m bitching like fuck here, let me just address another issue. Why is it that some people I know are always boasting and admitting something that is so shameful? You don’t read and you love the fact that you don’t read? At least show some remorse or regret towards the matter, not laughing it away and think that it’s the coolest thing since Paul Gilbert. That is just one example, there are way more shit even worse than this.

Sigh, I’m done. Maybe it’s just a difference of perception. Maybe my principles in life don’t apply to theirs. Hopefully they’re not as ignorant as I think they are.

I'm Awake I'm Awake

2010-10-27T10:21:00.000+08:00

Anyone still reading this shit?

Contributions to the Human Race

2010-09-15T00:04:00.003+08:00

As a part of my contributions to the human race, I'd like to share with you these words of wisdom I've just read 1 minute ago. Actually wanted to post it in facebook but the fear of having relatives read this brought me to the conclusion to come right here to post it.

"If you masturbate with both hands, that's a threesome."

Rejoice my readers, for you have been enlightened once again, here!

Holyday

2010-09-11T21:08:00.002+08:00

Hmm so what's been up lately. I had to borrow money from a friend just to buy the Starcraft II CD. How sad is that? Apparently my bank account got disabled cause I didn't do any transaction with it for too long. I guess this is part of growing up, eh? Finding out that banks are out to fuck with your money any way they can, and justifying it by saying it's for freeing up slots in their database for other people. A make believe slot, dammit.

I was so stoked on playing 1v1s but I found out that I'm play worse than those noobs. Can't even get my basic build orders right, can't macro well enough. Guess I'll have to stick to team matches for now :(

It is a well known fact that I like to set objectives that I'm not gonna accomplish for my holidays. Let's see... before it all began I wanted to learn Paul's Bach Partita in Dm. Learn some ukelele songs and getting one ukelele myself. Learn some fingerpicking songs.. change my sleeping time. Eat well, stay healthy.. And I've accomplished none of that.

I did change my sleeping time but then it all fucks up when Starcraft came. As for the Bach song, I only learnt 25% of it, and it's the easy part -_- ukelele and fingerpicking was not practiced at all this holiday and there's only 2 weeks left till the next semester starts.

As usual, I'd like to justify my uninspired-ness with my rig at home. A 5 year old Squier Strat that some chinese dude con me to buy at Bentley, along with a Roland Cube 15. Fucking sucks la the tone. I tampered with the knobs here and there but the tone still sucks. It's so... dead. Kinda miss my friend's Marshall at KL which kinda belongs to me since he never plays it. Oh shit, he might be moving out soon. HOW AM I GONNA PLAY WHEN HE'S GONE?! So many things to buy, so little money. When can I get my Vox amp? When can I get my Paul Gilbert pedals? Coily cable? DiMarzio single coil pickup? White reversed Ibanez? New tone knobs for fucks sake?!?!! NEW STRINGS?! JESUS, I'VE BEEN USING THE SAME STRINGS FOR 2 fucking years?!

Anyway, I'm convinced that Guthrie Govan is the Jesus of guitar. Phrasing, note choice, technique.. whatever shit you want, he'll do it.

Oiling Up

2010-08-20T21:46:00.005+08:00

Goddamnit I hate it when korean girl groups all oil up their legs during live performances. Makes them so unbelievably sexy. Can't a man just live his life without all these pesky temptations?

Anyway, I'm over my Hyuna obsession already. Maybe it's cause she didn't oil up her legs enough. Not shiny enough. And I thought those koreans are all out of people to recruit since the new groups they're churning out are all ugly like they just stopped their evolution at the frog stage. Seriously, why be an idol when you're not hot?! How are you gonna satisfy my fantasies?!

So the latest in thing is supposed to be Rainbow. Not the weird rainbow video making rounds on youtube right now -_-

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SLIGHT DETOUR

I just have to talk about the rainbow video above. When I first saw it I was laughing like I was on crack for the last 23 years. Very fucking ridiculous. But then it dawned on me. This guy is just.. getting an orgasm by looking at the double rainbow? Mother Nature having sex with him in the wild? It turned weird. I don't know whether to laugh or admire this guy. He's clearly obtaining true happiness just from this.. discovery. Or maybe he's on drugs. People laugh at him but he shrugs it off cause the real happy man is him. He's happy for himself. Laugh at him all you want, he clearly does not give a fuck!
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They're oiled up nicely, boasting a number of 7 members and have a couple of hot looking ones. phoooooey! Their comeback song is quite catchy too, beats Gossip Girl. That song is just fucking atrocious. Here's the video.

Sometimes, I just wonder how it feels like to be in these girls' shoes. Selling sex when they're even barely legal. Granted, some of them are already above 18 but there are still a handful of them thrusting hips all over the country below 18. How do you handle that shit? All those uncles giving you the shit eating grin when you're performing. It's gotta be different when you're an idol, right? I probably on behalf on those average joes out there when I say we all just wanna fuck you. Left and right, in the toilet, by the dumpster, in our minds. You name it, we'll be there, getting ready to restore population with some good ol fashioned fuckin.

On another note, talking about oiling up always reminds me of this video. Embedding disabled so please click the link if you're interested enough. And I guarandamntee it's gonna be worth that one click. Oh yeah, gotta turn up the volume for this one.

Initial Thoughts on SC2

2010-08-16T11:03:00.008+08:00

So what's been happening since the holidays started is that I am extremely late to latch on the hype for Starcraft 2. Yeah I've heard about the Beta phase relatively early and some of my friends even had Beta keys to get a head start but then it just didn't appeal to me back then. More on that later.

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The first few days was spent on leveling in Diablo 2, which was fucked up. Apparently, Han Wei and his friends are playing ladder characters on BNet and I made a non-ladder character for fear of getting a character reset once the ladder is reset too. I'm still not quite sure on that since this is the first time I'm playing on BNet. So, the fucked up thing was I had to replay with a ladder character, which nullifies my hard work for 1 full day of getting my initial Hammerdin to level 30. The reason for this is non-ladder can't join ladder games, and vice-versa.

Since no sane human would retrain just because one of their friends made the wrong character, I decided to level again -_-. Made it to level 30 on the first day and 46 on the second. Stopped there cause it got boring just leveling alone on Nightmare difficulty. Met an interesting Korean fellow though, and as always, I tell whoever that is remotely Korean that I'd love to fuck Hyuna inside out, upside down. And he nodded in agreement, great men think alike. Anyway, I also tried doing Baal runs on Normal but then I just couldn't remake games fast enough to make it efficient, that's why I stopped. Fucking BNet kept telling me "Failed to join game" if I remake within the span of 15-20 minutes. Fuck that.

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Sam, with his usual annoying phone calls, kept pestering me to go to Music Master so I went. I'm glad I did though because I found out that the boss of the CC at DJ (Damansara Jaya) got 10 SC2 CD-keys for his CC. And all the accounts are creatively called, BlitZone... ALL FUCKING TEN OF THEM! Got addicted to it faily quickly. On th first night I played from 2 until nine in the fucking morning. Long story short, I decided to buy the game even if it'll cost me ample pussy shortage.

Goddamn the game is like a whole different game compared to BW (Brood War). From now onwards, what I say is entirely based on my early encounters with the AI in a short span of 3 days at the CC and a few youtube commentaries. From what I've read, Zerg seems to be the new Terran. Underpowered and less favored by professional players.

If my memory didn't fail me, Terran used to be the underpowered ones in BW. Maybe it was the patches that fixed the balance, or maybe the Terran Emperor came out and revolutionized Terran strategies. And the whole game is less micro intensive now. Most of the micros I've seen consists of just pulling away and sniping. I AM SURE there are more than that but generally, it's just right click, A+left click.. rinse and repeat.

What does that mean? I'd like to think that it's more of a macro game (unless you get cheesed, of course) Building placements, stationing units at the correct spots. Basically, more to strategies and less about using a small number of units to overcome the enemy. Hopefully what I said makes sense -_- Still, people from different regions play differently. Now it's up to the Koreans to make the game micro intensive again.

Anyway, that's all for now. This long wall of text must've been boring to non SC players. I'm thinking of focusing on Zerg, but not because I like them or whatever. It's just because there's an underdog attraction to it. More on that on another day!

P.S. Actually I've got more to say but then I got lazy towards the end. Fuck that!

Moving Out For Real

2010-08-10T04:31:00.001+08:00

Changing URL to http://canoninpg.blogspot.com in a week's time. Update your links!

Empty

2010-08-06T06:08:00.000+08:00

The truth is.. I don't wanna tell the truth, but I don't wanna lie either. That's why it's empty.

Moving Out

2010-07-28T17:24:00.002+08:00

For those of you who don't know, I'll be working after my exams, albeit only for three days. It is quite a big step for me though, as I've always loathed working. Scared, of meeting new people and doing new shit. I have always been resistant towards changes in my life as the result from being over protected as a child. And that I didn't do shit about it when I went for college. Hopefully it'll all go well, cause I'm considering this the first step in changing my dull, fucked up life. Tonight's the briefing and just where the fuck is Radius International Hotel?!

Anyway, I've decided to change my URL to http://canoninpg.blogspot.com. Isn't that so damn creative?!?! It's Canon In PG!! Anyway, wish me luck and do suggest some other names for the blog if you think you're better than me in Paul Gilbert ass kissing. As always, have fun reading and listening to Paul Gilbert's new album, Fuzz Universe!

Sigh

2010-07-22T10:45:00.004+08:00

Ever had a day where everything little thing is fucked up from the moment you woke up? Even before you wake up, there's already a shitstorm brewing just across your face. Can't get adequate sleep because some motherfucker who can't feed his own addiction taking all the puffs that are rightfully yours. Then you fail to wake up for lunch because of the former disturbance. So you decided to go to the mamak and order "roti telur" but you couldn't finish it. Halfway through, the fucker above called and said,

"Eh buy cigs eh, we share."

Then you'll go,

"Macibai I buy you one la, fuck."

Your own fucking addiction, you feed it yourself you son of a bitch.

Then you go get changed for class and drove to school, waiting for the fucking van to show up under the burning sun. When you reach the lab, there's only four souls there with a half-assed albeit very nice teacher (gave us literally the whole set of "tips" for the upcoming exam). The mood itself in the lab is dragging you down into an abyss of depression so deep you can't see the bottom of the pit.

Then your friend calls you reminding you of an interview for a goddamn job in the next PC Fair and you went expecting nothing but just faux-interviews where they line you up, see if you're handsome enough and let you pass. But turned out the interview is not as easy as made out to be. To find out you got the job but your friend didn't leaves an empty void in your expectations. You'll most probably have to go alone.

When you get home after the grueling KL meat traffic, you go to a chinese restaurant and find out their Iced Milk Tea tastes like shit. I mean, how the fuck can you fuck up such a simple drink, right?!?! After the meal and RM9 poorer, you get home and find your self proclaimed best friend lying again. Then you realised why you call your current best friends your best friends. It's because they would never lie to you, even though they are not as nice.

While your friend is repairing your fucking cheap PC, you played his PC and got 400K points for Bejeweled Blitz, and came to the realization that you only got that high score cause you were lucky, not because of your skill. Soon, you started preparing for the upcoming test the next day, only to find that you can't get that shit inside your head no matter how hard you try. You then decided to call it a day and sleep, but you couldn't sleep.

It's days like these that makes you just wanna say,

"Fuck it, fuck this and fuck you. Fuck all of this shit. Fuck all these. I just wanna go out destroy something beautiful. Walk to the fucking park waiting for people to trip and fall just to laugh at them. Maybe go to some group therapy sessions and just listen to their sad stories to make me feel better about myself. Fuck this mid life depression. And again, fuck you."

So back to the main question, ever had a day like this?

Gilbertology

2010-07-18T23:36:00.004+08:00

I have finally found the base for the religion of Gilbertology!!!! Actually, I'm lazy to write so I'm posting this for you guys to read. Very interesting, so make sure you finish it! Brings another perspective into the religion game eh? CLICK THE PICTURE TO ENLARGE

Currrently

2010-07-09T07:55:00.003+08:00

Today is the day I submit my last assignment for the semester. Which also explains why I haven't been updating frequently. Today is the day karma worked extra hard for me. Gonna save it for another post in the future. Oh yeah, today is also the third day I've been listening to Paul's new album, it's been a three day streak of Gilbertology, heheh. There are so many things that I wanna blog these days but I haven't got the chance to, but it's mostly about Paul anyway, HONESTLY I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Right now as I'm penning my thoughts, it's already 8AM in the morning. Gonna go bath and straighten the hair(not pubic) soon so this will be a short one. By the way, I'm considering moving to another host for my blog since these fucking Chinese spammers are flooding my comment space. Sounds nice at first, cause it gives the fallacy that I'm generating lots of comments but it's getting annoying now.

Most probably I'll be cracking my skull trying to get a new name for the blog, as the current one is deemed too complicated since ages ago, I just haven't thought of a nice name but I have one right now. Why the change, you might ask? Well, I've been thinking a lot lately.... ABOUT PAUL!! I've never been influenced this much all my life. Makes me just wanna devote my everything just to become the man he is. Sounds gay? Nah, you just don't understand a big fan.

Anyway, if there are any tech geeks out there reading this, mind telling me how do I move my archives to a new host? I'll tell you guys about the new URL when I have totally decided. All the best and most importantly, have fun reading (and listening to Paul's new album)

FUZZDATE

2010-06-11T21:42:00.002+08:00

And a video o saying the usual "IT'S MY BEST PLAYING BLABLABLA BUY THIS SHIT"!!!! But it's all good cause only Paul sounds sincere when he say that.

Wow, this is the first time hearing about exploding heads sound so sexy. Give me dat shit, yo! Lastly, remembe, you saw it here first!!

Baffling Case of Gnomes and Ducks

2010-06-08T21:00:00.006+08:00

I remembered this clearly like it was a Paul Gilbert video I watched. It's May 31st. And tomorrow's Christmas. Someone bought me a new PC but I forgot who it was. When I pried my eyelids open, the lights in my luxurious room were out cause somebody fucked up the wiring to my PC. Astounding much? But it really happened.

It could really be that Paul Gilbert himself told me this but I somehow found the root of the problem. I glared intently at the towering trees covered in snow in front of me, right in this fuckin pimped out room of mine, coated with minimalists designs. Not only that, my instincts told me that if I just climbed up these trees and collect the rubber ducks, gnomes and wine glasses down and arrange them by category, the wiring complications would be solved.

"We want our overdued acknowledgement in electrical engineering!"

Climbin' trees isn't for people like me but hey, as soon as I took my first jump I discovered that I had a knack for scaling up trees Wolverine style and slide down them. I collected all the required items for the repair and slid down the tree. The snow on the top portion of the bark made it easier but halfway through, the snow got lesser and miraculously I didn't hurt my thighs while sliding down.

I proceeded to arrange the ducks and gnomes and found out that Shan Shan (from Sweatlee's blog) was in my room. How convenient, now I have to arrange gnomes with a total stranger I've never met. After solving the Baffling Case of Gnomes and Ducks, the lightbulbs in the backyard lighted up. Me and Shan Shan stepped out and chatted. As of now, I can't quite recall what we talked about but I remembered her teasing me about my height. I was about to deliver a slap, with the always reliable master hand but her angelic smile deconstructed all the armor repelling me from her radiating presence.

"My future backyard is somehow like this."

After that, we went inside and climbed the stairs, presumably the one to my luxurious room. Out of the sudden, my eyes opened and I realized it's just a dream. A fucking weird dream -_-

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They say dreams are the golden road to your subconscious thoughts so I'm gonna try to relay these signals my brain are firing. Maybe I'm ready to move on. Maybe I'm not satisfied with my height. The rubber ducks and gnomes might represent the inner child in me that doesn't wanna grow up. It is possible that I'm easily infatuated with foreign girls. The luxurious room may very well mean that I still want to be ridiculously rich to the point that everyone hates me. As for the Christmas shit, I think it's cause I want a keyboard and a complete upgrade for my RG565. As for the PC, YES I WANT ONE!!! But ultimately.....

maybe I just need a good fuck.

Born In The Wrong Time

2010-06-05T03:39:00.005+08:00

Apparently, everyone thinks it's cool to hate Justin Bieber nowadays. I'm not really sure, but some people just hate him cause it's the "in" thing to do, isn't it? Cut the boy some slack, will ya? That kid didn't suddenly have a number one hit by just sitting in front of his computer hating on other kids who made it. He tried and utilized every opportunity given to get to where he is today.

I dare you people to even post up a video of you singing in youtube. It's not easy gathering all that courage to do so and get some flak in the process. I don't understand these people, sitting in front of their computers typing shit and not doing shit with their lives. At least he did, God gave him lemonade and he raped that lemonade, cummed in it and conquer the lemonade albeit sexually. As for you people, God gave you lemonade and you just sat there and masturbate with your hands.

No questions asked, I fuckin loved that song "Baby" a couple of months ago. Sure, it's not gonna be on the greatest hits list but hey, at least he gets to buy a ps3 with the money. Personally, it's just that most of his songs suck, not himself. Anyway, maybe Bieber came out at the wrong time... Now, if only he were born in the 60s.. He could be....................... DONNY MOTHERFUCKIN OSMOND!!!!!

Return of the King

2010-05-28T00:20:00.003+08:00

Remember, this site gives you the latest updates on Paul Gilbert!!! God I'm so excited that the child in me is screaming out of excitement as June 23 draws closer. Purely out of this gratification, I went to the Chinese and Japanese version of wikipedia and typed Paul Gilbert's name. And I got ポール・ギルバート and 保罗·布兰登·吉尔伯特. I have no idea what the pinyin for Chinese is, so it'd be nice if some Chinese educated chaps enlighten me. As for the Japanese version, I'm guessing it's something like Paolu Gilbakto or something. ISN'T THIS EXCITING?!?! YOU JUST FOUND OUT DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY PAUL GILBERT!!!

This might be a little over the top but one of the reasons I'm writing so much Paul Gilbert in this blog is cause I hope Paul visits arguably the best site in KL, Borneo Island and some say Singapore too, which is this site.

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Anyway, until Paul's one man revival of the shred genre commences, I'll still be listening to Korean and Mandopop. Jay Chou came back with a new album. Well, his songwriting skills are still there but I don't understand why is he using auto-tune in one of his songs. It's not like he can't hit those high notes, goddamnit. Abrupt end.

Getting Older

2010-05-25T17:42:00.003+08:00

Dayum, visited a couple of my friends' blogs and they all updated. So in order to not feel left out I've decided to breath new life into mine as well. Well actually, it's just cause I'm having my one week semester break right now and boredom is boring its boring self into my bored skull.

For those of you who cared, or actively uses facebook and have me in your friend list, you might noticed that it was my birthday on the 22nd of May. God, time passes so fast. I'm 23 already. I played DoTA on Garena last night until 3 something in the morning. My friends said they were sleepy so we had to stop. First thing that crossed my mind was;

"Goddamn they're sleepy when it's just 10pm?"

I tabbed out and realized that it's already 4fuckingAM. All of a sudden I felt so lifeless. Lifeless like "what the fuck I'm doing?" I woke up at 4pm and stared at the PC and BAM suddenly it's 4am. Time passes so fast especially when you're not paying attention. Anyway, back to the birthday shit.

I've never really celebrated my birthday before, no fancy parties and all that. Maybe once or twice, but those were in my primary school days. Growing up sucks. Growing older sucks even more. Reality hits you with its big dick and that dick grows bigger as you get older. Suddenly all these adult terms like down payment, salary, hentai rape, bondage, income tax, career advancement comes in. Then you realize you're gonna start slaving for the corporate world when you graduate from college.

Gone are the days where you just wake up and compete with friends to see who can sleep the longest in class without getting scolded. Gone are the days where you talk shit and play DoTA all day. Gone are the days where you just sleep late without worrying that your health might be failing you soon. Come to think of it, I never had any worries during my school days. Well.. most of my worries are about "Hmm are you gonna do a handjob or a blowjob tonight" or "Do I still have leftover condom in my wallet tonight?"

What's there to celebrate? If I'm not fucking Lee Hyori doggie style while playing God of War 3 on PS3, with Hyuna tongue-raping my ear and shamelessly complimenting my good looks, there's nothing to celebrate. The only birthday worth celebrating is when your girlfriend hits 18 and she thinks she's entitled to a cumshot to the belly... or face, depending on her fetishes. Just kidding, I don't have these kind of fantasies, really :(

"The Gods have truly blessed you, Kratos."

But I guess the bottom line is, life goes on. I won't wish myself happy birthday, but I hope that I will have the courage to take all these shit that life throws at me, pick them up...shine em real nice.... keep shinin' it.... TURN THAT SUM BITCH SIDEWAYS AND STICK IT UP ITS CANDY ASS

I Died

2010-04-19T00:01:00.007+08:00

Last night I died and then lived again after watching this video. FOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!

I don't know about this, but I think when a guy sees a girl with a hot body. The only sound they'll make are these:

"Ooooooh"

"Fooooooh" <--just add F in front of the ooooooh

"OOOOOOH"<-- this one is kinda like oooh but it's a long OH instead.

"xxxxiiiii"<--the sound you make when you grit your teeth and inhale. for a combo effect the practitioner is expected to then make a "HOOOOOOOO" exhaling sound.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" <--supposed to end with a "CK" but then usually you'll die before finishing it. This expression is only reserved for people like Kate Beckinsale and Monica Bellucci. Paul Gilbert too, if you're gay.

As you have probably predicted, I did say FUUUUU and died before completing it. The curves, the fair skin, smooth legs, fat ass cheeks that beg some pinching action... XXXXXIIIIIIII.Sometimes, it makes you wonder why instead of these five and the usual cuss words like GODDAYUM!, people never see a chick with a hot bod and say, "Hmm I think this girl has good future prospects."

one of the reasons why girls shouldn't have long hair

Preceding these hypocritically down to earth statements are always thoughts about wanting to fuck that said hot chick or just having her as a girlfriend. Needless to say, I made all four of these CONTINUOUSLY while wanting to just spread her legs ala how eagles spread their wings. I christen this move, the "Flying Eagle". This is just a short prelude to my next post. Which is obviously about girls! Have fun reading, and waiting.

Monday (Unexpected Continuation)

2010-04-06T02:40:00.006+08:00

I meant coke. I giggled inside my heart like a 6 year old brat and said, "Yeah why not?" Then I remembered that I told Vincent I would write boring shit about how my day went cause we came to a conclusion that these shit garner more comments. Now that I've finished typing this post in 10 minutes, I want my 30+ comments, motherfuckers.

Oh wait, I haven't properly linked all my friends who blog so I have to do it now..... Okay it's done. While linking these blogs, I decided that after this I will dry my clothes and go to sleep.

Now that I've completely through with this shit in 13 minutes, I now want 50+ comments, you shit-eating unappreciative motherfuckers.

p.s. Wow, this is a fucking long post. Have fun reading!

p.p.s. Wa caocibai this post was too fucking long that my blog got fucked right after I posted this shit. My titles got screwed up, there weren't any archives and shit like that. I guess my life is kind of exciting.. heheh

p.p.s. Okay it was still fucked up. And I found out that it's because I didn't put an apostrophe ("<----this little dipshit right here) after i typed the html link to Vincent's blog. Yeah, my life is exciting. And I still want my now increased 70+ comments.

p.p.p.s. I edited the post before because I remembered DWFUCKTHISFUCKINGNAMEDOUBLEIKION messaged me on MSN. After that, I edited this post again to tell you fuckers this shit. I'm so honest sometimes I'm scared of myself. THIS IS A NO HOLDS BARRED HONEST POST THAT EVENTUALLY TOOK ME ALMOST HALF AN HOUR. END.

Monday

2010-04-06T00:45:00.006+08:00

I woke up at around 1030 in the morning. How did I know? Cause I fucking looked at my phone after I woke up. Not contended with the sleep that I had, I continued to lie around (Always a good excuse for being lazy). Half an hour later, Steve Vai's Gentle Ways begin playing through my phone's speakers. Note to self: this song is beginning to annoy me. Remember to change alarm ringtone. Wake up call from a friend after that.

I got up and powered up the laptop, took off my pants and noticed my early morning erection. Too bad there's no pussy to go with this Godzilla dick of mine. I went to brush my teeth and take a bath. I forgot to wash my formal clothes last week so I decided to wear the same shit I last wore. I didn't tell a soul so I hope nobody finds out. I proceeded to dry my hair and shit. Hey, even men have to take care of their appearance these days, fuck society norms.

After dicking around on facebook, I went down to my Myvi(小红）and fetched my friend and we went for lunch at some fucking overpriced chicken rice restaurant of some sort. I paid RM50 but she gave me another RM50 back. I suddenly think that was the best chicken rice I've ever had. I finally gave in to my addiction and went to 71(some 24/7 shop that has clearly no originality). We then went to college.

Waited for around 15 fucking minutes for the van. I had the urge to just take off my pants and walk to college, it was THAT hot. Or maybe it's the feminine me talking to myself. Reached college and daydream for an hour and half. Halfway through, this China friend decided that he wants to be disturbed and asked me why I didn't hold his hand up so that the teacher will ask him to answer the question, because I did it to my other friend. I was afraid that he'd cry so I did it to him. He then squealed... or something like that and proceeded to hit me twice. The teacher said something like this,

"Why are you touching him. Please sit in front!!!"

Jesus Christ, you didn't have to make me into a rape victim, do you? She said it as if I complied to the rape itself. Fuck that shit. Anyway, class ended and we went to another class. Blabla boring bullshit I sat through the whole class trying to hide from the teacher's view cause I was feeling sleepy. After that class, Raymond called me and asked if I wanted to go for dinner at 5 fucking 30. I'm afraid of loneliness so I agreed to fetch Wei Jian. He then called me again and said it's cancelled. Yay!

I went home and chatted with my friend while browsing some comedy sites/forums with hope that those long lost creative juices will start flowing again. Listened to 陈奕迅's 你的背包 for the rest of the night. Around 8, we went to Carrefour for KFC since we're feeling like eating some chicken. I don't know about them but I did. There never really was a choice, heheh. We finished and got lost in the carpark for a few seconds.

Came back at 9 and continued listening to that song. Chatted with a friend again while re-reading michaelooi.net. This guy should be given a Nobel Prize just for blogging, no shit. Around 12 something, my friend wanted to sleep so I said goodnight and bye bye.

Somewhere in between, my friend DW some fucking double-I kion (what a fucking confusing name) messaged me on MSN and said hello. Well, his version of hello is, "hey let's go gg(Garena a.k.a. DoTA). I declined cause I didn't feel like playing on this piece of shit laptop. I think that answer sparked the inner gay in him because he started talking about wanting me to buttfuck him and some shit like that. I closed his window straight away.

Then I continued reading and reading. Wei Jian came in to Randall's room (Sorry man, but it's my territory for this one week) and asked me if I wanted some cock.....

My Way Killings

2010-03-25T23:52:00.007+08:00

I'm not gonna write anything original today. Life isn't really inspiring when you're sitting in front of your computer the whole day, for days. But as usual, reversedkyanon is here to bring you all the interesting obscure facts from all around the world. What I'm about to paste are snippets from a wikipedia page on "My Way Killings". Why snippets? Cause I know you motherfuckers can't stand reading too much shit on the internet when you're diagnosed with ADD. Fuck you guys, seriously.

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The "My Way" killings are a social phenomenon in the Philippines, where the killing of karaoke singers who get into disputes about their renditions of Frank Sinatra's signature tune, "My Way", has led some bars to ban the song and other singers to abstain from singing it. Opinions differ over whether the deadly pattern is due more to the coincidence that the song was frequently sung amid the violence of the nation's karaoke bars or to the aggressive lyrics of the song itself.

On May 29, 2007, a 29-year-old karaoke singer of "My Way" at a bar in San Mateo, Rizal, was shot dead as he sang the tune, allegedly by the bar's security guard, who was arrested after the incident. According to reports, the guard complained that the young man's rendition was off-key, and when the victim refused to stop singing, the guard pulled out a .38-caliber pistol and shot the man dead.

Some Filipinos, even those who love the song, won't sing it in public in order to avoid trouble.

look into my eyes... AND KILL THAT ANNOYING MOTHERFUCKER BESIDE YOU!

"Karaoke rage" is not just limited to "My Way" in the Philippines. "There have been several reported cases of singers being assaulted, shot or stabbed mid-performance, usually over how songs are sung,"

In Malaysia in 2008, a man at a coffee shop hogged the karaoke microphone so long he was stabbed to death by other patrons.

In Thailand, a man was arrested on charges that he shot to death eight neighbors, one of whom was his brother-in-law, in a dispute stemming from several karaoke offerings, including repeated renditions of John Denver's "Country Roads".

now we know why it's not called bloodbox

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To a certain Wong Hii Kion, you better watch out next time when you go sing with us. Remember folks, alcoholic drinks can make friends enemies. But people who jump song queues and keep the mic for themselves will make friends MURDERERS!

If I Worked for Jack

2010-03-09T15:53:00.008+08:00

The silence of the night gently ushered me to sleep right after I decided that there was enough bullshit hands dealt to me in Zynga's Poker game on Facebook. Setting the alarm to wake me up at 1pm the next day, I slipped into my pajamas and lied on the bed anticipating a good night sleep. Out of a sudden, Mr. Big's Green Tinted Sixties Mind played on my cellphone. It was a phone call. From Jack Neo a.k.a. 梁智强.

"Hey Chun Kiat, I'm in deep shit right now. It's going to be on the news tomorrow."

"Calm down Jack, tell me what you need. You KNOW my motherfucking brilliance will get you out of whatever shithole you're in." I replied after sensing a grave tone in his speech.

He exhaled after a moment of definite silence. I can almost smell the faint scent of cigarette smoke coming out of his mouth. Dunhill. Lights. 20s. Bought at the 7-11 right across the road... At least that's what he told me the last time we talked. I chose not to disclose this personal addiction of his to his mother.

the smell of cigarettes. and sex scandals.

"Chun Kiat, this is going to fuck my reputation up. Even thought half of these motherfuckers are fucking sluts right inside their Alphards parked in their garage while their wives are making chicken rice for them, they still want to condemn me for this."

"WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED?! WHO DID YOU FUCK WITH THIS TIME?!" I screamed into the phone, prompting my mom to threaten me with a spank on the ass for not sleeping at 5am.

"Wendy. Wendy Chong. There's a press conference tomorrow, you gotta pull me out of this dump. And I swear by God, if you don't come up with something good, I'm going to turn into a vampire and bite you. Then I'll flip your wallet for your ID, locate your home and bite all your family members. They'll bite the others and when the time comes, I'll have these fucking vampires descend upon Singapore. Their blood is in your hands, darling.

Right then I was sweating like a porn star doing a 40 men gangbang. Intense. I calmly replied, "I'll get it done. Just make sure you keep the pussies coming."

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JACK NEO'S OFFICIAL APOLOGY TO PUBLIC (FIRST AND FINAL DRAFT)

Good morning to members of the press, friends, family, aunties, uncles, haters who think this is a publicity stunt for my next movie, Being Human Being. Today, I plan to settle this in a matured, adult way and hopefully will convince you all that I am not the God of Movies in Singapore and that I am merely, a human being.

MY NAME

I believe you all know me as Jack Neo. If you like wordplay, you can also address me by my other name, Jack "The One". Ponder for just a bit on that name. Are there any Malaysians here? I dare you to name any other actor-director in the movie industry of Singapore other than me. You can't.

obviously someone spelled "pussy" incorrectly

Which is why I clearly don't agree with some of these men standing here today, making claims that I am filthy and that they would never have done what I did. Of course you wouldn't have done it. Your name doesn't begin with Jack. And one thing for sure, your surname isn't NEO. You don't know how it's like living like me. You can't comprehend the sheer power and influence I have over this industry. You have not seen temptations like I had. We're playing a different ball game because if this world is The Matrix, then I am the one doing all the bullet evading shit while you play your role of dying, lonely and full of your so-called integrity and loyalty to family.

MY SUCCESS

In Singapore, everyone knows me. I am the reason that Malaysian directors can't stand up against us in the movie industry. I made me into what I am today, all by my own hard work and you're saying pussy doesn't come along with success? You don't know how hard it was during my early years. How many women have you known who wants to fuck with a comedian playing Liang Po Po and Liang XiMei on TV? I literally sacrificed my dignity to get to where I am today and you're saying the side dish on the menu is not related to pussy? You, my friend, clearly do not understand that in this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

the Gospel of Tony

MY MARRIAGE

Half of you here don't even care what happens to me. But isn't it true to the nature of human beings to personally see through the downfall of someone successful? This is ridiculous. Are you buying my DVDs and going to see my films because I'm a faithful husband, or that my movies kicks South East Asian ass? You media people make it look like I'm the one at fault. People say I'm lucky that my wife forgave me. FORGAVE ME?! BLUARRRRGHHHHH FORGAVE ME??!! .....Yes, my wife forgave me and said she has known about this all along. Don't beat yourself to sleep at night screaming "WHY!!?", drawing weird stares from your kids. Well I'll tell you why. I have Old Town White Coffees scattered all around Singapore. I make satirical movies that people like. I am a successful actor, director, writer, host and businessman.

you'd fuck this guy if you know what's good for you in Singapore

If that doesn't set in to your brain nicely. Repeat this:

I. AM. JACK. NEO.

Thank you.

Giving

2010-02-11T05:19:00.003+08:00

EDIT:
Okay I think it's time for me to clear this up. Remember when I said I think I didn't get the right message across through the initial post? I was right and I'll rephrase the main point. I'm definitely not saying that we need no reason to give. What I wanted to say is, to give without basing your reason on good or bad. JUST GIVE TO FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING. Don't give cause he's poor. Don't give cause you need his help. Just give cause you feel like giving, with zero expectations.

I'm not gonna rewrite the whole post so just read this shit.

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Things are beginning to get stale here so it's time for another update. But then, what is there to talk about? Yeah I'm back in Sarawak after 4 months. You know, sometimes I feel like blogging about Sarawak and life here but it's just straight fucked up and boring. West Malaysians are still taking our resources and develop their peninsular while we still get called tree-dwellers or some shit about we swimming to go shopping. So fuck that. The connection here is fucking with me and I'm so the very uninspired. Gonna leave this here and go watch some youtube videos.

Okay, I'm back.. after 3 hours of reading inane articles.

Have you guys ever wondered if it's possible to just help people just for the hell of it? I mean, for no reasons, you just give that guy a punch cause his face needed beautification. Oh wait, that sounds wrong. Let's try this. You just for no reason, gave a kid you passed by a lollipop. Ah damn, all these examples are terrible.

The main point is, are humans capable of giving just for the sake of giving? Let me clear the confusion out of your mind. By saying, 'just cause you wanna give', I meant CAN HUMANS GIVE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING AT ALL? All bullshit aside, let's ask ourselves some questions. Isn't it true that most of us give because-
-we think some old hag is poor
-we think he needs help
-we have spare change
-we need help in return
-she's got pussy and you coincidentally have a dick (and vice versa, I'm not sexist)
-we wanna get to heaven

These examples signifies that most people, if not all still give something for a reason. Can't we just walk up to a rich guy with everything in the world and give him something? Can we not give money away to people just cause they're poor? Can Paul Gilbert just give a PGM401 to me without ever considering my total devotion for him?

It appears to me lately (I really mean for the past 3 hours) that people give for a reason. Now I'm just sayin', people do give for good and bad reasons, but they RARELY, AND I MEAN MOTHERFUCKIN RARELY give for no reason. And I'm just trying to be safe just in case some motherfucker decides to get all Einstein on me and prove me wrong. Personally, I've never encountered any.

This post is not about right or wrong, I'm just pondering why can't people give for no reason. Oh, I forgot to mention, it's also cause I'm jealous.

You know, what riles me up nowadays is that rich people give shit away cause, "Oh this old man is very poor. I'm gonna cry myself to sleep if I don't give him shit." That's some noble shit but I can't stomach this. And yes you're correct, it's cause I'm not at the receiving end of this giving business. I'm jealous, so I wanna hide behind my computer and complain by coming up with silly reasonings to cope with my jealousy.

p.s. I'm kinda sad after writing this because I think I wasn't able to get the message that I really wanted to convey to you people with my level of command over English. So, here's one big FUCK to that.

You Guys Asked For It

2010-01-24T06:31:00.004+08:00

I remember some band came out with their version of Michael's Jackson "Beat It" sometime ago. Or maybe a few years before. I don't know. But what I know is guitar players (shredders especially) facepalmed themselves repeatedly cause they think John Mayer ruined the shred-y solo that Van Halen originally played. Others moaned in dismay just because it's Fall Out Boy.

But then came December 8, 2009. These critics learnt that they are gonna get what they ask, in lethal dose. Somehow, somewhere.. Yngwie Malmsteen answered their prayers while eating his daily intake of Big Macs, or maybe just some fuckin' donuts. I don't know which. I found out today that last December, Yngwie came up with another compilation album again and in it, there's a cover of "Beat It". Taken from wikipedia, it says there that this is one of his "most masterful performances since 1993".

I wasn't planning on writing today but this shit is just too funny. I was laughing like it was Comedy Central right here at my apartment. Dear guitar players, will you side with Yngwie, or Van Halen?

Brace yourself, cause here it comes. "Beat It" by the Viking himself.

p.s. OH BY THE WAY PAUL UPDATED HIS SITE SAYING THAT HE IS IN THE PROCESS OF RECORDING OH MY GOD I'M CUMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Appearing Offline

2010-01-16T20:25:00.002+08:00

Everyone probably has that friend who constantly appears offline in their MSN. Not that I undermine my ability to comprehend these things, but one thing that annoys me is that when they appear offline, they still look for people to talk to or somehow replies to whoever that messages them.

Why the fuck bother?

Why the fuck do you bother replying these people when your true intention is to not let anyone know that you're on the internet? Let me tell you something. When you appear offline, you are sending out the message that YOU ARE NOT THERE. And even if you're there, it just means that YOU DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE. That's what Appear Offline is for. It's for you to isolate yourself from the rest of the world while you masturbate to the latest porn collection from redtube or wherever the fuck your resources are from.

Which leads to my next point..

There are some really weird people with a couple of screws loose who spends every moment of their time in MSN appearing offline. For fuck's sake then why did you download MSN in the first place? Okay, I understand that maybe you have a certain person that you'll want to keep in contact with. So why not block the others? If you're certain you won't talk to them anymore, just block+delete them, doesn't that makes life easier for the one you want to talk to and also yourself?

I just don't understand Appear Offline, especially those who do it 70% of their time in MSN. Might as well delete all the other contacts you have or uninstall your MSN.

The Divine Cycle

2010-01-06T04:56:00.004+08:00

People say that I'm all 30% asshole and 70% no feelings, and I say they're 100% correct. If yours truly do truly make it in life, I believe that the reason is because I'm great at being an ass. Begging people to believe my principles and views are like screaming to an endless stretch of a wall. But since this is the place where you read, you might as well read or never come here again (secretly, I meant hiding behind your computer and laugh at my penned words).

If there's anything more factual than the fact that Paul Gilbert is God, it's the fact that I hate beggars. Before you start running your mouth, beating the next Olympic Gold Medalist, please allow me to explain.

I promptly believe that they are only three social stages on earth. First, are the rich people a.k.a. the powerful ones. Second, the ones stuck in the middle a.k.a. working class. Lastly, the poor ones a.k.a. beggars.

The RICH
You know they always say the rich gets richer, the poor gets poorer. And I throw my hats off to these people whenever they say it... Well when I don't wear hats I throw the middle finger of respect. These people are here to control the middle one. Give inspirations, telling you that anyone can make it if they work hard enough (for them) and buy shits (their shit). Ergo, everything goes well and the earth still revolves around the sun and you'll still be buried 6 feet under, full of debt when everything ends for you. If Abraham Lincoln didn't abolish slavery, you might as well call me a slave from this moment on, it makes no difference.

The MIDDLE CLASS
The middle class people? They're here to feed the rich people. They strive and brave mighty currents of shit waves thrown at them each and everyday to make ends meet. They tell themselves they can make it if they just put enough effort. Yeah yeah, in the great course of their life they'll get promotions and whatnot. But at the end of the day, they'll wonder why they're not advancing to the top yet. It is a universal fact that the most asked questions of a normal working class guy are, "Am I not working hard enough?" and "Hmm, did I suck enough corporate cocks today?" I don't know, but it's most probable that wikipedia has an article on sucking corporate cocks. If there aren't any, just make sure to check this page out.

The BEGGARS
Now comes the biggest part, the poor ones who will from now onwards be referred as the beggars. Beggars plays a big role in this post because they have only one objective, and that is the scare the shit out of the middle class people. They're here to remind the middle class that THEY WILL BECOME BEGGARS if they don't work their ass off. As of now, I'm secretly believing that the government are paying beggars for just.... being beggars. Now isn't that scary. I bet that if there aren't any beggars, the sun will start revolving around the moon and gays start getting abortions all around the world. The whole cycle will be destroyed!

-pictured above is the divine cycle of social status-

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Since I like guitar solos and you must be worshipping it too for the duration that you spend on this page, I'll compare this whole post with a solo.

The term "guitar solo" is the rich guy. The notes are the middle class. The beggars are the wrongly played notes, inaccuracies or mistakes.

People always remember solos as "that guitar solo from Sweet Child 'O Mine" and not "that G note from Sweet Child 'O Mine". Goddamnit there are so many G notes in that song by the we find out which note is it, John Cusack will be driving limos through earthquakes and tsunamis escaping the end of the world.

The solo will always be the term firstly used, then comes the particular note (because notes work for the boss). But that note must note be inaccurate, or it'll be rendered useless. The inaccurate note will exist solely to remind all those notes that if they moved around too freely, there's a 90% chance that they will be forever remembered as, "That awfully sounding note provides no meaning to the song."

Now please tell me why I shouldn't be scared of beggars.

One one last note, I'm fucking awesome.

Christmas

2009-12-25T03:20:00.004+08:00

Just got home an hour ago. I had a great time despite the negative outcomes. A big part of me is feeling glad that the year is ending soon. December has been very very bad to me, as well as Santa tonight. I hope all of you enjoyed your Christmas so far no matter what it is that you've done be it sleeping at home or chatting up single ladies at adultfriendfinders.

Anyway, the year is ending and I'm definitely looking forward to a better year. But I don't wanna talk about this tonight. I wanna talk about guitar!!! Lately, I've been inspired again. This time, it's by Yamazaki Masayoshi. I've got to know him through sweatlee.com when she posted a youtube video of him saying that she wants to marry the damn song.

The song is damn good even though I don't understand what is being sung. So being the stalker that I am, I stalked his everyone of his videos and found out that this guy is John "motherfucking" Lennon's reincarnation!!!! Here's a couple of songs that I like.

His compositions are damn nice, jazzy chords and all that. Great melodies too. And I'm losing my touch, maybe I should quit writing for a while. Fuck this shit.

One More Time, One More Chance

His Best Song So Far

Doleful December

2009-12-19T15:50:00.004+08:00

Today, a friend notified me that I haven't been updating lately and he's going crazy because of this. Can't sleep, can't eat. To uphold my good guy persona, I've decided to rid all the agony that my friend is tasting with this update.

It's a decided fact that I'm not stranger to delayed(forgotten) updates but this time, it is not on purpose. My life has been fucked up this two months that I've lost all my will to waste my time on writing stuff that only me myself read.

This year will go down as the most depressing doleful christmas I've ever had. All the things around me are crumbling down, falling apart into nothing. Day after day, my belongings are breaking down one by one. I am party aware that all this are part of my own doing but hey.. Why blame yourself when you can blame others?! To cap off this post I'll list down whatever misfortunes that befell me these past few weeks just to make you all feel better about your lives.

1 December
Monthly allowance of 1000 was banked in. Proceeded to treat myself to some delicious sushi. Being the asshole that I am, I spent around 350 in the first week on unnecessary bullshit. Note to self, rental not paid.

4 December
Went to visit the late Uncle Lim. Lost 300 after I've decided that winning back your
initial capital of 150 doesn't really count as being lucky. A war is not won by saying no to all the temptations constantly forced upon yourselves. But you can always say no to friends who are there to stop you, they don't matter until you're back in your car ready to go home. Note to self, rental still not paid.

5-16 December
Wasted more money on more unnecessary stuff. My belt is spoilt. My bag spoilt the next day. There are screeching sounds when I brake my car, should be the result of constant visits to my lifetime archrival Mr. Lim. The college starts clamping people like mad and we can't park illegally anymore. I found out that there's only 2-3 weeks left for assignment and I haven't read the questions thoroughly yet.

I decided to usher my dad for an extra 500 for year end shopping. Life goes on normally for a few days as I skipped a couple of classes without care, in exchange for more intimate moments with my dirty bed.. Note to self, rental not paid, again.

17 December
Went to the devil's fortress again but the damage was minimal, I've lost 47.50 that day. But my dignity was hurt even more. Dealers were laughing at me because I was trying to put the 2.50 chip on whatever spot I can find. I decided to finally end my torment and cash in that sole chip。 Note to self, rental not paid.

18 December
I found out that I somehow like losing and making myself miserable. Cause when you're miserable you complain more, and that is good. Guess where I went this time? And guess the outcome? And guess what note did I make to myself before I went to sleep?

....But I tell myself things will get better. Hope is so wonderful. Here's an early "Happy New Year" to you guys, most probably I'll be too busy fucking the rest of the month up to update. As usual, have fun :)

Broke

2009-12-07T04:06:00.001+08:00

I'm fucking broke again. This is an all time record.RM1000 gone in 7 days. Somebody should fuck me in the head. For fuck's sake I need to have some self control.....

Nah, I just need more money. FUCK UNCLE LIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Religion

2009-12-04T03:42:00.003+08:00

Wah wah wah, hold your horses there, people. You guys are talking as if I don't show love to Paul no more. I still love Paul, it's just that I've finally gotten bored of Paul's music after listening to them religiously for the past one and a half year. I do still listen to them sometimes, but the numbers have decreased drastically.

I see guitar playing as a steep mountain to climb. And licks are those ledges that you can hold on to before you ascend another few meters further in this never-ending climb to the top. I've never really sat there and study guitar. My way of learning is just copying licks and expand from there. Sure, if you don't study there's a limit just waiting for you to reach. And I've reached that limit.

What am I trying to convey, is that I've reached my ledge and the next ledge is a little bit too high for me to reach. Given all these problems/distractions that I'm facing now, I've not the strength to pull myself up for this next ledge.

Other than that, I've not been improving for the past one or two months. My alternate picks are still at the same speed and level of cleanliness after months of constant use. I only have myself to blame, though. I don't practice at all, I play just for fun. I play when I'm inspired. I play when I feel like imitating Paul.

The other truth in this sudden disinterest is that my playing has taken its toll. After I've gone pop, I suddenly can't alternate pick to save my face anymore. Isn't that rather discouraging? To know that the skills that you've been honing is on the edge of depletion.

The last and most influential cause is that I'm rather interested in pop songs nowadays. I might get a lot of flak for this, but I'm listening to a lot of Jay Chou. Take a while off listening to his mumbling vocals and listen to his compositions. If you carefully dissect all his songs, there are a lot of interesting things that will make you go "WOW". He's definitely musically gifted and people just don't see that cause they're too busy flaming him for making music that sells.

Ultimately, I still love Paul. He is still my religion. But I'm taking a rest because nothing really inspires me in the world of shred nowadays.

edit: HAHAH I think I came off as a pro-guitarist in the industry who's going to retire after playing for 40+ years or whatever the fuck in this post. So, to those of you who've never heard me play, I SUCK! It's just that people are saying that I don't love Paul anymore and I still do!

Lately

2009-12-03T01:24:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since I came up with an update worth reading. So I'll promise you that this one is not worth reading too. Gee, who gives a fuck about what you guys think when I'm plagued with endless problems that will possibly bring forth 2012 to an earlier date. Since nothing interesting is happening in the world lately, I guess I'll just tell you guys about what the most interesting guy in the universe is doing nowadays.

As most of my housemates now know, I've lost my interest in the guitar. The magic that I used to possess while belting out face melting solos on the fretboard is now beyond my grasp. To justify this sudden disinterest, I'll say that it's because there's nothing inspiring out there lately. And by that, what it really means is that Paul Gilbert is NOT PUTTING OUT ANY VIDEOS AND MUSIC. Paul, why? Anyway, I just don't feel like shredding for the time being.

Other than that, I'm trying to quit the death stick, AGAIN. Today is the third day and I'm quite happy to say that I'm treading on a path to success. When I told people about this campaign, they gave me the "Yeah right, fuck you" face. Well fuck you guys back cause I'm gonna at least do this for the whole fucking month. Wish me luck.

This is obvious and you guys know that I've not been updating the blog. Maybe I've lost the interest in the proverbial pen as well. Or is it that there's just nothing worthwhile to say? There are tons of drafts waiting to be completed in the folder but they all sound so boring. Maybe it's because I'm getting along with the muse again. Well, when you've got nothing to complain about, there's just nothing to.... complain about. I still hate the fact that I'm always broke by the second week of the month though.

OH YEAH!!

It's been one year already since I started this blog! 49 posts in a year. I know that this number is not to be brought out and bragged about but, I think that's quite good already for someone like me. Anyway, Christmas is coming soon and I wish you guys all the best in whatever that you're doing. Have fun.

Words of Wisdom

2009-11-23T00:21:00.001+08:00

Chun Kiat says:
if you don't show pictures, i won't believe
so gambateh!
i'll tell you, you must not regret
because regret's best friend is the right hand
if you masturbate with the left hand.. then it's "because regret's best friend is the left hand"

Me Chinese Better

2009-11-16T03:54:00.002+08:00

我睡不着
已经四五月了
經后该要怎样呢？
分不了我要说什么？
不能说的秘密
清道不得了

你觉得我要讲什么？
是我在耍花样吗？
友们，是很简单的
情的东西不会难理解的

还要上课真期待
是我变了吗？
错的并不是我们
过了1年就有比较好
的结果
爱想太多的你我，呵呵
情的东西很简单的

If you think my Chinese has improved. You're wrong. It's even better. HAVE FUN READING!! HAHAH!!

edit:这个post有东西hidden在里面的

Marketing Mix

2009-11-04T16:40:00.003+08:00

People always believe that my ultimate purpose in college is to measure how many classes I can skip and how late I can wake up and still be able to make it to class. Today I’m going to disprove all those who dare misjudge me based on my attendance sheet. Contrary to popular belief, I learnt a lot in this past few months and if the government knew any better, they should’ve hired me as a lecturer in UM 22 years ago.

You people still remember the 4Ps of Marketing? Having trouble providing examples during the exam? What, you haven’t learn the 4Ps? Whatever, I’m still going to run my mouth whether you know it or not.

1. Product

Love, like I’ve said since before the beginning of time, is a lot like business. And we, boys and girls are the products. We’re all born differently (sexual positions mommy and daddy used when daddy unloaded his pride) and are meant to cater to different tastes. It’s like how only guys use the condom and girls use the dildo. It goes like this. If you are hot, you will get good response. If you’re not an eye candy, rejoice because 60% of the population in Malaysia are blind.

Lovers are interchangeable just like products in business transactions. Nobody buys a car when they want to fly. Nobody buys a soap when they are hungry, but I'll applaud you for this if you're retarded. You want someone to feed you, you get a rich kid. You want sex, find someone with a dick hung like a horse. You want companionship, find a guy who operates his mouth like CNN on Astro, or a gay.

2. Promotion

In business, it’s about how you market yourself. With the correct ingredients, you can make people buy your shitty product even if it’s shitty. But if you’re stupid, even 2 million dollars worth of advertising money won’t save you from the hellhole that is the whorehouse. If given the chance, I think that this example shines the most.

You know those visually undesirable rich guys with luxury cars and items who you think won’t ever get the chance to date anyone? Let me tell you something, if you saw the word rich in the sentence before this, you would’ve guessed it correctly that they get more pussy in a night compared to you in a lifetime.

BUT, if you use all those money to buy some useless stuff like computers or guitars, it’s not going to get you chicks. Computers only get you free porn and guitars only get you… I don’t know, admiration from men? Sounds gay, but this signifies poor advertising.

3. Price

Lovers in Malaysia are still not that well versed in the art of pricing. Price is about how you value yourself. If you’re a fat guy it’s only obvious that you go for the fat or chubby chicks. Shitty products get shitty prices. You don’t see a broom going for the price of $99, right? Unless it can be used as a musical instrument and a Shaolin ass-beating pole, I’m not paying $99 for a piece of stick.

But there is a trick that businessmen like to use. Overprice your stuff. This don't always work but you'll thank me for helping you lose your virginity. People are stupid, so you take advantage of them. If you overprice yourself people will think that you HAVE to have something to offer. If they buy you. Do what you want and then proceed to market yourself with a different price, or go through a different distribution channel.

4. Place

Place sometimes is also referred to as a distribution channel. Why is this important? Imagine this, you’re from a working class family with an allowance of $1000 a month. Where do you go to drink? If you answered, SkyBar or any of those places that are classy, I highly recommend that you take a few steps forward from that SkyBar and jump all the way down to HellBar.

Know your roles, people. If you’re poor, go grab some ass in some cheap ass bars. Beautiful people are exempted from this rule though. Because they are necessities. They go wherever they want and people will still be into them. If we compare them to products, they are similiar to Louis Vuittons. Why not those who lack cash, you ask? Because it's only a matter of time when they see that you're just a poor fuck with nothing to offer.

Me Chinese Good

2009-10-29T04:06:00.002+08:00

啊。。直冲我上了新的intake，我觉得我的话语颈部了很多。所以今天我要看一下我到底有多厉害。说真的，我今晚不知道要写什么。可是我很想很久没有update了。为了我的粉丝，我今晚一定要废话多一点。最精在班里给人发现到了我是很cheap的一个男人，我就讲一些钱的道理吧。啊，我只是面对事实（fact）而已嘛。没钱=cheap啊，不是吗？如果你们想让我开心，请你们多请客以点吧。

好吧，别胡说了。我们现在就继续我们的话题！！！！！！！！

如果我能得到一块钱给我每一次说，“只有那些有钱的人会说钱是不重要的” 我看我现在已经发财了。我看我来跟你们讲一些道理吧。

我问你。有钱人有想过明天要吃什么吗？有钱人有想过，“啊，明天还要走路去上课。很期待哦！”。有钱人有想过，“啊，明天又要吃鸡扒饭咯，好开心哦！” 没有啊。有钱人有跟朋友坐下来喝茶，然后聊如果他们没钱会做什么吗？也没有啊。有钱人是不会理解的。为什么呢？因为他们没缺过钱啊。钱不重要？那你们有每天做梦没钱的生活是怎样的吗？是不是没有？那。。。你他妈的跟我卷！

就是这样我才会说有钱人是不会明白穷人的想法。你们没缺过钱。

我们这些没钱的人啊就跟你们不一样。我们每天都有做梦到有钱了之后我们会想要做什么。我们的梦想已经计划了好好的。想要什么买车，买什么房子，买什么女人。。啊对不起说错话了。。。如果小孩子看到了刚才我打的字，俊杰哥哥想说一声对不起啊。啊，其实不用说对不起啦。反震你们十二岁的时候也会知道这个道理了。唉，追经的年轻人真的没家教！！超级白！

以后我有钱呢，我要买一件家用巧克力做的。如果我住到闷了就把他吃掉。这件家呢，每个房间都有一个女人等着我上！厕所大便之后我要用美景来查屁股（wipe ass）。我会给钱给侯佩岑在节目上说我特别帅。周杰伦每年都要写个送我。一定是要主打曲。啊，不要拉，我在这是很不要面子可是我在真的生活不是这样的。啊，我看我会拿那些钱给所有世界的人。一个人一千块美景。我要他们每天说吃大便会变比较帅。妈的，我不信过了那个时候会没有人吃大便。。
哦，还有一个。我要每天请super juni儿和抱了几了比而脱（paulgilbert）来我家开演唱会。。。。也让他说我帅。

操，我真不要脸。

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For those of you who don't read Chinese, I've had the courtesy of bitchslapping the whole thing above into Yahoo Babelfish which translated the whole thing for you. God bless the internet (and free porn).

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The direct impact on me new intake, I had thought that my words pate have been many. Therefore I must look that today I have fiercely. Said really, I did not know tonight must write anything. But I very wanted very for a long time not to have update. For mine bean or sweet potato starch noodles, I want tonight certainly idle talk many spots. Finest discovered in the class for the human I was a cheap man, I spoke some money the truth. , I only am face the fact (fact). Not money =cheap, not right? If you want to let me be happy, asks you to treat by.

Good, do not talk nonsense. We continue our topic now!!!!!!!!

If I can obtain one dollar each time to say for me, “only then these rich people will say that the money will be unimportant” I thought I already got rich now. I thought that I come with you to speak some truths.

I ask you. The rich man has had thought what tomorrow can eat? The rich man has thought that “, must walk tomorrow attends class. Anticipates very much!”. The rich man has thought that “, must eat the chicken tomorrow to eat, good happy!” Not. The rich man has with the friend sits down drinks tea, then chats, if what they won't have the money to make? Also does not have. The rich man will not understand. Why? Because they have not been short of money. The money is unimportant? Then you have a dream the money life have been every day what kind of? ? That. . . Your his mother curls with me!

Will be this I will only then say that the rich man will not understand poor person's idea. You have not been short of money.

Our these money's person has been dissimilar with you. We will have every day have a dream after rich we will have wanted to make anything. Our dream had already planned well. Wants anything to buy the vehicle, buys any house, buys any woman. . Sorry speaks incorrectly the words. . . If the child saw I had hit a moment ago the character, handsome outstanding elder brother wants to say sorry. , Did not need saying that actually sorry. Instead shakes you 12 year-old time also will know this truth. Oh, pursues after young people really does not have the family education!! Super white!

Later I will be rich, I must buy a home use chocolate to do. If I lived stuffily to have eaten him. This family, each room has a woman to wait for on me! After restroom bowel movement, I must use the beautiful scene to look up the buttocks (wipe ass). I to the money to Hou Peicen at the program will say that I will lead specially. Zhou Jielun wants to write every year to deliver me. Certainly is must advocate hits the tune. , Do not pull, I in this am do not attach great importance to face-saving very much, but I in the real life am not this. , I thought that I will take the human who these money will give all worlds. A person 1000 beautiful scene. I wanted them to say every day ate the bowel movement to be able to change quite graceful. The mother, I did not believe has met nobody to eat the bowel movement at that time. . Oh, but also has one. I must invite super every day the juni son and hug several have compared escape (paulgilbert) to come my family to hold the concert. . . . Also let him say that I led.

Holds, I am not concerned about face really.

Lazy

2009-10-22T02:07:00.007+08:00

Go read gapnap's latest post. I contributed a little to it. If you've worshiped me enough you should be able to see which part of it did I write. It's scattered all over the place, though. Anyway, have fun and be safe.

And by the way.... PAUL GILBERT WAS IN SINGAPORE OH MY FUCKING GOD?!?!?!?! I only knew about this one week before he was coming so it was too late for all those passport bullshit and planning stuff.

edit: wtf I don't know how to make the video above smaller. Sometimes I wonder why am I even in a computing-related course. My ~~stupidity~~ greatness baffles even myself.

Hope

2009-10-09T04:17:00.003+08:00

Hope. This feeling is amazingly beautiful. It gets us through each day, we believe everything will be better tomorrow. Hope is like thinking that we can find a sack of gold hiding in between that pile of rubbish outside our house. Hope motivates us to do our best. We WILL beat about our rubbish bin expecting that fat sack of gold. But fret not for even if hope fails us this time, it will come into play right after it decides we're not worthy of the gold. Instantaneously, it tells us that the sack of gold might be there tomorrow, or the day after and maybe one after that. We will then shrug it off and go on living as if despair and loss never existed that day.

Everyone knows that there are two sides to a coin and hope unfortunately, is not exempted.

Hiding behind the beauty of that belief is another side shrouded by ugliness and danger. Viewing the above example realistically, hope is like believing we'll lead a life worth telling our grandsons even when now we're plagued with poverty and loss. Hope forcibly carves a smile on our face when we are in the deep abyss of despair. Hope blinds us with a veil so thick we can't differentiate an elephant from a mouse. Wealth from poverty. Loss from gain.

"Naive" is what I told myself when confronted with hope. Hope leads us to choose ignorance over wisdom. When something is wrong, we tell ourselves that everything will be alright.

"Don't worry, be happy." Bobby McFerrin sings.

Without any qualms, hope opens up doors to a perception of a beautiful life, but it renders us vulnerable to being made a fool. Remember when dad promised you a PS2 if you aced that Maths paper and broke that promise? Remember when your girl promised happiness and she too, broke that promise? Remember when your boss promised you increased wages and he TOO, broke that promise? What happened after that? Let me tell you what happened. Hopes are shattered, fools are born, lies are told, egos bruised.

I see hope as being naive and foolish but yet, I can't live without hope. Neither can you. All of us live hoping for a better tomorrow. Human beings start each of their day full of hope. It's menacingly fascinating, really. Hope provides you with the energy to brave against all odds just to survive to see the day when your hopes are realized. Revolutions didn't start because people thought it's hopeless. Medicines weren't researched because doctors felt hopeless. Ultimately, suicide bombers didn't kill themselves just to say, "Fuck you!" to the Americans. They had hope. A dangerous one. But who are we to judge? Dying for their hope might be the most beautiful thing in their mindset.

Even with this knowledge, how can we overcome this adversity?

Most of us choose to believe that ignorance is bliss. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. People resist changes because of this. Pain aversion, some call it. Hope causes us to be so dangerously stupid we can just launch a nuclear bomb with our stupidity. People avoid pain in the present at the cost of increased pain in the future.

Being in charge is sometimes painful. Seeing people and things for what they are hurts, especially when they're painted in a negative light. Then again, we have to be wise. Know what's worth fighting for and what's not. Make your calculations, do your maths. Don't invest your hope on useless relationships or businesses. I don't know if you believe in gravity, but when you fall, you hit the ground the same way everyone else does.

This quote has been thrown around endlessly and it's getting a little tiring, but I believe that it is most fitting to end this post with this:

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope will drive a man insane.” ~Red to Andy, from the movie,"The Shawshank Redemption"

Once a Snake, Always a Snake

2009-10-04T18:26:00.003+08:00

A girl was strolling across the park one fine afternoon. Halfway throughout the journey, a snake slowly lurked in front of her. Initially scared, this girl immediately shut her eyes tightly and prayed that this menace will mind its own business and let her be.

Few seconds passed and she slowly opened her eyes, hoping that the worst was over. Unfortunately, the snake was still there, slithering gracefully in circles just a few steps away from her. She felt that this snake was different from the others.

She looked at the snake carefully from head to tail. Its scales were perfectly toned and beautiful. Its fiery red eyes were less intimidating and instill no fear at all. These features are so perfect they were inviting the girl to pet the snake on the head. But everyone knows that a snake bites.

Less calculated but still cautious, the girl asked the snake, "Will you bite me if I pet you?"

The snake smiled and said, "No, of course not."

Doubts filled her mind and she commented, "But all snakes bite. This is a never changing fact."

The snake responded, "You are correct. But look at me, do I look like a snake that can bite?"

Mesmerized by its beauty, the girl didn't think twice but petted it on its head almost immediately. In an instance, the snake bit her hard, so hard that the girl fell down on the buttocks. She screamed, "WHY DID YOU BITE ME? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT?"

The snake calmly replied, "You knew I was a snake when you first saw me. What did you expect?"

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You can never change someone into who they aren't. The worst thing you can think of is that you are so great you can help change a person. The real changes come from themselves, not a shit you do is going to affect them. And no, temporary changes don't count cause we're talking about permanent changes. Stop kidding and tricking yourselves, a snake will always be a snake.

The Man and A Coward

2009-09-28T06:08:00.003+08:00

A lot of people assume that I'm generally an undisputed asshole based on the lies that I fabricate on this blog. What they don't know, is that what I write are only lies if it doesn't make your life any better. You think what I say doesn't make sense? Then by all possible means, treat them as lies. If these penned words somehow do seem rational, then treat it as the truth. It's always consoling knowing that people share the same views and principles as you, no? Human nature hard at work here, making us group with people that we can relate to while ousting ones who differ from us. I don't blame you, I do that too. Tribalism is working its magic all around us everyday.

The above may sound a little bit unrelated to the title but please let me rationalize. I've been asked a question and amazingly, I didn't know how to answer. Maybe it's because the answer is not thoroughly defined and that it's just a concept established by different perceptions. I'm quite sure that the answer to the question I'm about to present will vary greatly depending on the point where you are looking at this from. I'm really trying to find who agrees with my views so please help me out?

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Paul lives in America. He's a man's man. If Bruce Lee is still alive today he will be polishing Paul's shoes cause he's even manlier than Bruce without the trademark,"watahhhh~~wochooo~" howls. Paul is not afraid to uphold his views and principles. He isn't very calculated and at times, impulsive. Moreover, he is not threatened by the word Fear and is not afraid to go one on one with Fear in Street Fighter 4. People bully him but he makes sure they walk away with at least an extra hole to defecate from. In other words, he's manly.

Marty lives in an Asian country. He's a man's.... woman. People look down on this poor soul cause he's been subjected to various social norms and thus labelled as a coward. He doesn't stand up for his views if any physical harm is present. Maybe he's just lazy to get into trouble and wasting precious time arguing over feeble matters that rewards him with nothing other than "face". But he is precise, he thinks ahead. He knows what he should do to save his cowardly ass.

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As you can see, Paul and Marty lives on two different part of the planet's big face. Also, their personalities are evidently a far cry from each other's. Today, they're put in this similar stage where the scripts and lines of the antagonists are basically the same.

One fine night, the protagonist had a squabble with 5 guys just outside the bar. These drunkards accused the protagonist of something that he did not do. Things got out of hand cause when you're high on alcohol, men prefer to think (and also walk) sideways. And to make things interesting, the protagonist has his girlfriend by his side when God decided to make a blockbuster movie (not forgetting a blog update) out of his life tonight.

Below is how each man responded to the situation:

Paul unquestionably stood up for himself. You know what's worse about getting into an argument with drunkards? It's not realizing that drunkards usually comprehend "NO" as an invitation to land their fists on the opposing team. Immediately, the 5 men sprung on Paul similar to how a lion invited himself to partake in an sexual intercourse with a lioness. Only that this one involves no genitals, only clenched fists. Paul refused to back down and apologize for what he didn't do, and resumed getting beaten into a pulp. To cut all the action short, he ended up in a hospital suffering injuries. His life is in danger, this guy might actually die. But his girlfriend saw the manliness in him and her love and devotion for him increases. He is forever recognized as the guy who sacrificed for his belief and died a true man.

Marty on the other hand, cowardly apologized and tried to settle the restless drunkards. He reasoned with them briefly but everyone knows you don't reason with 5 gorillas out to make your life a living hell. To make matters worse, he even said, "Sorry for all the troubles I've caused." to these men. He walked away unscathed but his pride was smashed into oblivion. His girlfriend saw him as a coward. He lives on only to see his girlfriend leaving in another man's car. What she didn't see, is that he somehow protected his girlfriend from being potentially harmed by these drunkards. Or is he thinking too much? Thinking too far ahead? Maybe these drunkards didn't even think about hurting the girlfriend.

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Which path will you tread on? Paul's or Marty's? It's true that I'm definitely not sitting on a fence with this one, and I'm veering towards Marty's side. All of you who've seen me in real life before might know that I might even lose in a fight with a cat. Remember, most of the time.. even when you win, you lose too.

Oh, did you realize that I didn't curse at all in this post?!?!??!!

Guy Debates. Obviously Wins

2009-09-23T06:22:00.003+08:00

Debates. Not many people realize this, especially kids, but debates are something we adults indulge in just to make ourselves sound smart and matured. People always think they know best, but they forgot that in this blog, I am the fucking reincarnation of Socrates. This is weird but a debate is only called a debate when I win and you lose. I will then consider myself owning if my godlike enormous brain totally shut your fucking mouth up in the process. Extra points for me too if you cry on the floor, weeping like the sad fuck that you are.

Anyway, some smart bitch decided to challenge me for the heavyweight title of boasting, lying and making up baseless facts. Little did she know that she was up against the offspring of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin if they were gay and had the abilities to give birth. It was like Hell In A Cell except that Vince McMahon decided that I'm gonna walk out the winner. Coincidentally, I was in a mood to bitch, and you never anger a person who's high on bitch-pills. She was in for the most electrifying debate in the history of social-status charged entertainment.

Being the usual asshole that I am, I was worshiping money and the endless peace that it brings to this ugly world. She then decided to say the one thing that I hate most and that's:

"Money isn't everything, you can't buy everything with money."

WELL GOD SAVE OUR FUCKING SOULS BUT WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I HEAR THIS, IT'S FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING WHO HAS SHITLOADS OF MONEY?

If Paul Gilbert allowed me to, I could've bitchslapped that pussy straight to the moon through my phone. Immediately, I jammed my clenched fist into my head and proceed to flick the "bullshit switch" on. On its way out, my hand also switched on the "pretend" button to increase my guard against the stupidity that is her. Below are five things that she said money can't buy. Following closely are the things I said to prove that the world now has one extra stupid dumbfuck.

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1. Money can't buy happiness.

If I had a pussy everytime I hear this, I could've opened a whorehouse so big that it encompasses West Malaysia (Singapore included). Money CAN buy happiness. Ever heard of retail therapy? I heard it works wonders. Ever heard of pussies? Well aren't you happy now that I'm telling you that you can buy them. I'm stopping here cause there's just no point in giving more examples. Cause I told her that it's ironic that she brought up this point right after she told me she's so happy that she shopped at mid valley and bought shitloads of items just a day before.

2. Money can't buy love.

If you haven't already know, love is sort of like business. Let's say you're one ugly son of a bitch (I know you're not, cause only smart beautiful people reads this blog), you've got no game and nobody's suitable for you. Now, let's compare you with a mamak stall. You only know one dish and that is Maggie Goreng. Obviously, only Maggie Goreng lovers will come to you. But if you've got the money, you can hire a Burger guy to assist you and voila! You've expanded your target market! With money, you can dress yourself up and cater to different tastes, different people. With so many fish in your fucking pond, it's not so hard now to find your loved one now isn't it?

3. Money can't buy health.

This is stupid. I refuse to believe that I stooped this low to argue about this poorly thought out point. What the fuck are vitamins for? What are the clinics for? What are the monthly checkups for? What are health insurances for? Why do they cost money? I thought you said health can't be bought?! Why isn't it accessible to poor kids in Africa and everywhere else? Oh yeah, why does Appeton Weightgain(adult) costs over a hundred? Fuck this shitty point.

4. Money can't buy time.

When you look at this from a certain perspective (the unimaginative one) it sounds kinda realistic. For a second there, I thought I was going to tread down the path straight to loserville. BUT! Did the Americans just say, "Oh I guess we'll have to tolerate monster hentai rape and shit-eating porn from now on :(" when the Japs fucking demolished East Asia? Did Super Mario weep and cried with Luigi when flying turtles are about to stop them from getting laid by that princess? NO! This man will not go down without a fight!

My bullshit machine was overheating I thought I was gonna vomit brain matter and meet Paul Gilbert up in the clouds. There was never really a question though, only an equation:

From point 3,
Money = Health

Health = Longevity
Longevity = Time

Therefore, Money = Time

If you can't buy the past? Why not extend it? Why not buy the future?

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Needless to say, I saved the world once again. With another mouth firmly shut, mother earth was finally able to go on spinning on its orbit without having to worry about the plague that is stupidity. The best of all? The 2 minutes silence between me and her after I let her taste what a Stone Cold stunner is like, in words. Okay I'll be honest today, I was laughing like a brainless maniac inside.

EDIT: I forgot a point, will update as soon as I ask about it. Damn, the worst thing you could do to a person is to ask them to relive that shameful moment that they're trying so hard to forget. Fuck me.

Me Wants Be Retard

2009-09-15T21:06:00.001+08:00

A lot of movie going fags are going to go all out and make sure I go to hell for this, but I’ve just watched Forrest Gump a couple of weeks ago. Gee, even my not so English educated brother has seen it, maybe I do really deserve to die. Fuck it, nobody’s gonna stop me from writing this anyway.

The movie is really, REALLY touching. I almost had an interesting conversation with my brother that night over a glass of teardrops but being the man that I am, I didn’t cry. Maybe I have a soft spot for mentally retarded people. Then again, I’ll just resort to the option that I am indeed a sensitive and loving man. For those of you who (except me) doesn’t know what the movie is about, this flick is on how by just being honest and following your heart, everything good will comes to you and you’ll live a fairly interesting life with free pussy (albeit only one) thrown at you.

Obviously, what Forrest went through is very fucking impossible. Now kids, don’t let this movie be your excuse for being stupid and retarded. Everybody knows nobody gets THAT far in life for just being ignorant not to mention, retarded. Let’s get real, people. Yes, it gives you hope for being stupid but I strongly insist that these kind of stuff only happen to you when there’s a crew filming you and your boring lives.

Like every other TV series that has major twists in their stories (I’m looking at you, 24, Lost and Prison Break), this one has that twist that just makes you wanna scream, “OOMPH!”

Ironically, I wish I’m retarded at times. I’m serious, instead of finding the cure for AIDS why don’t doctors make pills that make you stupid and retarded for only a certain period of time. Oh wait, they did it already. I forgot the miracle and hard work of men called ecstasy pills and Johnny Walkers.

I guess that’s why people drink their sorrows away. Your mind needs to be blank once in awhile at the expense of getting ridiculed at when you make love with the pavement and your puke by the street. Believe me, I’ve seen many strong and eager men fell in the battle against the evil that is liquor. Strangely, they’re always accompanied by statements like,

“HAHAHA let’s take a picture with him while he’s drunk, while flashing the peace sign.”
“I’m glad I have a Facebook account. Thank you, God.”

I want to be retarded like Forrest Gump, living life without any care. My brain screams for me to let him have a well deserved rest. My eyes refuse to let me see things as they are. My tongue wants to reject the pain and insecurity that is the future. My sense of touch wants to snub the boredom in everything I do. The liar in me wants to stop lying without guilt. You took everything I have, but why not my brain?

Anybody wants to drink? Only if you treat, though.

God Decides to Punish Your Favourite Writer

2009-09-13T02:54:00.006+08:00

After 22 years of frequent masturbation compiled together with weaving intelligent lies, my sins have finally caught up to me. As I sit here writing this, I'm comtemplating calling my dad now as he sleeps to apologize about all those nights I said, "No la I sleep at 1-2am everyday one. Very healthy."

Now God comes comes barging in telling me that he CAN and WILL fuck me up cause I've been sleeping at 5-6am for the past 4 months. Paul Gilbert, please save me from this obscenity that is:

Talking to Girls

2009-09-11T06:15:00.000+08:00

If you know me as well as how you know your favorite Korean idols more than your mom, you will notice that I am fucking terrible with words. To put it in layman’s term, otherwise known as “very fucking simple”, I’m bad at conversations. To serve as a reference, my definition of conversations only consists of 4 words: You talk, I listen. But to redeem my genetic shortcomings, I’d like to say that I’m a little better at talking to males. Now, I understand that there’s an underlying tone that I might actually be gay but let me assure you I’m as straight as any straight male porn stars.

If you have a brain the size of an average human, you would’ve noticed that this is about why I just can’t strike a decent conversation with a female.

First off, I’m not a featherweight champion when it comes to talking. Sorry, but I don’t consider “big mouth” as one of my personal features. I don’t feel the need to tell them what the fuck I’m doing these days or which set of boobs is the biggest out of the bunch sitting across us. I’m just socially handicapped, perhaps. You see, when I talk to guys you can spew enough bullshit to fertilize the whole Sarawakian jungle. Topics can range from masturbation to debauchery and so on. But then when I’m talking to girls, I’m limited to just these:

1. How was your day?
2. What’re you gonna do?
3. I wonder what makes you so special? (also known as “Do you squirt?”)

Obviously there’s more to that but I’m just giving you examples. But that’s not the point. The fucking point is I can’t talk freely and I’ll to lie to myself into believing that I’m actually a polite fool who actually aren’t interested in knowing the size of your bra. Honestly, if you’re a human with testosterones pumping into your body at short intervals, you’ll be wanting to talk about games, sex and not forgetting how Stone Cold used to be so fucking badass. That’s all I wanna talk about.

Girl thinks shopping is fun. I think Paul Gilbert is God. Girls think their recent visit to the manicure shop was worth it. I think Paul Gilbert is secretly getting it on with Leah Dizon. But then again, it’s alright if you’re the one who’s talking about this. But don’t expect me to chip in and tell you how I tried this shirt on that day and felt like the most handsome man in this part of the world.

Face-to-face conversations are the best cause I’ll can superbly feign interest and act like I actually cared if you think dogs are cute. MSN conversations are better, because there’s this little “X” button on the top right corner of your chat window and the “FUCK TMNET I DISCONNECTED LAST NIGHT” argument. Other than that, there’s always the “Eh my mom called me. She wants to talk.” excuse which can buy you time to surf for some porn. And what’s better is that it’s the same with phone calls.

You might think that I’m doing pretty good for my standards but let me tell you this. It all falls apart when the girl is the quiet type. DAMN! I thought after living for 22 years in the 21st century it is an unspoken fact that girls are the loudest mammals to ever walk on the face of earth? These girls expect you to talk about things that they can actually relate to and if Einstein was smarter, he would’ve come up with this hypothesis:

Girls’ interest does not equal to Guys’ interest. Therefore, girls have to talk more.

I’m an asshole for ending this here. I have no idea on how to continue. To shortly put this, my opinions are already justified.

Guitar Heroes

2009-09-08T04:10:00.000+08:00

Guitar heroes. You hear guitarists talk about their heroes all the time. Somewhere in between sentences belted out, you’ll hear words like “speed”, “techniques”. Then another smart motherfucker would come around and go on babbling on and on about “emotion” and “feel”. Distorted way beyond proportions, a lot of guitarists nowadays are mostly concerning themselves with the abilities of their respective guitar heroes. To some of us, our favorite guitarists are guitarists who can beat the crap out of your favorite with their licks (or their giant hair). But not for me, I have a different point of view when it comes to guitar heroes.

I was getting back to genres that I grew up with these couple of weeks. For those of you who don’t know, I used to listen to bands like Blink 182, The Vines, The Strokes and basically anything that starts with “the” a fucking lot. I didn’t get to know shred until last year (too bad Paul Gilbert didn’t have a band called “The Paul Gilbert and Friends Together With My Wife Band”) but that’s another story for another day. Sure, after I did a bit of advancing in my playing, these players are the least technical of the bunch. Goddamn, Paul Gilbert can pawn all the guitarists for the bands I mentioned only with his legato techniques while eating cereals with his right hand. And cycling without using his hands at the same time. At that moment he’d be receiving massive orgasmic blowjobs from Kate Beckinsale too.

Is it really important achieve maximum technical prowess in your techniques? Well, it does expand the horizon for self expression through the guitar but all guitarists know that sometimes, less is more. Then again, some people can play guitar like they’ve sold their soul to Satan for God-like.. I mean Devil-like abilities to wank on the guitar, but not knowing how to write a good song. Some of us also know how to do speed runs and churn out notes like Speedy Gonzales on drugs but then admirers don’t listen to the notes, they only look the speed of our fingers.

The question is, what makes a guitarist a guitar hero? What qualities with qualify a player as a hero? Is it the ability to play fast? Improvise? Write good songs? Embrace the spirit of rock’n’roll? The ability to stay on top form for a long time? Choosing your notes?

For me, the answer is none of the above. It’s quite simple actually. A guitar hero is someone who makes you in whatever way to go fucking bug your parents for that little piece of shit guitar that you can proudly tell your friends, “This is my first guitar.”

Semester Break... My Balls

2009-09-03T04:30:00.000+08:00

After the recent emotional outburst, a certain part of me have told me to calm the fuck down. Regardless of what insight you guys shared in my last post, I’d like to say thanks for even reading the shit that I spew every other week. It really means a lot. But if you’re gonna ask me to treat you something to eat, consider yourself blacklisted in my list of friends.

It occurs to me (once again) that I haven’t been blogging about other “worldly” matters regularly. But fuck it lah you guys would understand, right? It’s not like a the world revolves around my hatred for the world and whatnot. So I’m gonna talk about myself again today.

If you’ve paid more attention than a common monkey you would’ve noticed that I’ve said in my last post that this is one of the most boring holiday I’ve ever had. This is what my timetable looks like:

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12-7pm:
I wake up and have lunch. My laptop would start screaming at me begging me to open it and go online, and I always comply. If nobody calls me out, then I’ll stay online dicking around the internet until….

7pm-5am:
Mom calls me down for dinner. If I’m feeling like a dickhead I wouldn’t eat until 8 or 9. My phone usually don’t ring so I’ll go back online, wait for the missus if I’m feeling bored. If not I’d sometimes forget the missus' existence. For some reason I’ll only bath when she comes online. Yeah I’m that fucking weird. After the missus goes to sleep I’ll stay online, maybe watch PPS with my brother if there’s anything interesting. Then I sleep.
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Don’t ask me what the hell do I do on the internet. Sometimes I don’t even fucking know. Maybe that’s why they call it surfing. But in their case, those surfers are prone to getting shitfucked by sharks or jellyfishes. Me? Unfortunate encounters with gay porn, I assume. I swore off gutterpost a fucking long time ago and I’ve revisited the site again after a certain Samuel Law fucking became a fan of gutterpost in facebook. As any testosterone-filled human being would do, yours truly clicked on the link and began browsing again. Seems like they uploaded new sex tapes again!!! Paul, thank you for answering my prayers!!

Sprinkled with a little bit of limteh sessions that juggles between my friends and my brother, that’s all I’ve done for the past month. Can’t wait to get out of this fucking hellhole. My fellow West Malaysian friends, the King is coming back to KL baby! Until college really starts, I think I’ll have around two weeks to play around. Oh wait, play around means that I do basically the same shit that I do back here in Sarawak, just that things are more livelier. Maybe it’s the people. And the constant road rage that entertains me.

Damn, all these look very jumbled up. For those of you who didn’t understand what the hell was that all about. It’s how a not-so-normal college kid lives his life for 20+ days during his not-so-needed holiday break.

Many Things

2009-08-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

My guitar playing sucks. We're boring the fuck out of each other. Life is boring when there's no challenges. I want to see you for who you are, not what I want you to be but it's difficult. I want to see myself for what I am but this is difficult too. I need to grow some balls. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do with this shitty certificate when I'm done here. I wanna get the fuck out of this country. I wanna live a simple life but people call that unambitious. I wanna rock but I'm fucking lazy and choosy. I'm such a pussy. You think I really trust you? Am I holding up just for show, I guess I'll just eat what I can. My licks are boring, Paul Gilbert starting to inspire less, maybe it's cause I'm playing a goddamn Squire now. This is one of the most boring holiday in my life. Someone tell me a tried and tested diet to gain weight, seems like no shop carries 27s anymore. Fuck my life. Once a liar, always a liar. Fuck my life. I'm bored. Fuck my life. If I suck at guitar what the fuck do I have, I don't know. Complaining is useless, I know. Fuck me, fuck me now, fuck me like how you did it last time. Tell me I'm right. I SUCK AT GUITAR FUCK WHATELSE CAN I FUCKING DO IF I SUCK AT IT. End.

Don't Understand

2009-08-19T13:10:00.000+08:00

Like I said before, there are a lot of weird shits going on in this world that is just too difficult for us mere humans to understand. If you're wondering what the fuck I've said before, it's shit eating porn. But I'm not going to babble about that today, since it's fucked up and puke-inducing. This post is about the things that other people like, but I just can't comprehend the appeal of these activities or items to other people. Things that are so horribly repulsive I get shivers thinking about them.. Well, it's not that serious but here are those things:

1. People who say they smoke cause they're stressed.

This is seriously fucked up to maximum proportions. I have no beef with smoking but smoking does not relief stress. Besides, if you've never smoked before how the hell did you know that smoking does relief stress? Smoking is fun and at times visually stunning (Paul Gilbert doesn't but the whole fucking Beatles smoked so it's deemed cool). Never believe an asshole who says they smoked cause they're stressed. Deep inside their soul they know they took that first stick of death just cause it feels good. Either that or they have fucked up friends.

2. Guys who go to clubs to meet girls.

Unless you're going to drink and have fun with friends (no girls, they're fucking troublesome), this is stupid. You might as well spend that RM200 and above on prostitutes rather than going to clubs hoping to fuck someone. Why would anyone want to get themselves into a pool of competition with another 200 other dumbfucks in a club? Plus, due to the course of nature you'll have to treat girls drinks and shit. Show off that pile of cash which is non-existent. Girls are fucking troublesome. You bring girls there, they're just there to drink your shit and make out with other guys. Bring your girlfriend? You'll have to keep an eye out for her cause chances are she'll fuck up/get fucked up.

3. Nail art.

Yes, those long nail extensions that not only make it a pain in the ass when you're typing or doing daily chores, but also makes me wanna punch you in the face when you're grabbing my dick trying to work on my lightsaber. Damn it's like some alien from Star Wars is trying to blow me. I mean come on, what does nail art do?! WHAT THE FUCK IS ITS PURPOSE IN OUR LIFE?!? It doesn't make you less fat. It doesn't make you taller. Doesn't bring free plastic surgery money to the table. All it does is make me include this shit in this post.

4. Football fans

I know some people worship football but why don't you fucking idolize local Malaysian teams? I honestly think that the quality of local teams are deteriorating just cause even MALAYSIANS don't support them. Who the hell watches the local league? Not me for sure, cause I don't watch football. I guess for them it's like, "Why the fuck bother improving? Since even Malaysians don't like Malaysian football I might as well just do a flying kick every 10 minutes and go home watch Astro." My point is, I don't understand why people support a team so far away that has no connection to them whatsoever other than the fact that the particular club is successful.

5. Twitter/Facebook Updates

Now this is a global abomination. Right now as I type, some "friend" of mine is updating his status telling people what the fuck he's up to. No, I don't wanna know what the fuck you're up to. If I wanted to, I would've just called you or talked to you on MSN. It's okay to update once in awhile but 3-4 times in a day? Jump off the nearest window, please. I think it's narcissism at play here. Everyone wants to think that facebook revolves around they're status updates. I'd like to tell them their updates revolves about me wanting to put my keyboard in their faces.

6. People who subscribe to blogs.

I don't subscribe to blogs. I think it defeats the element of surprise that comes with updates. I don't know, but it makes me feel good everytime I see that someone has updated and I didn't receive some fucking e-mail telling me that someone updated. Yeah it's just me, I think. I know gapnap updates once every three days but I still check everyday cause if he updates out of his schedule.. Somehow it makes me feel happy inside. Gee that sounded fucking gay.

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I have more to say but this post is getting too damn long for the regular standard. If you think I'm wrong with these things then fucking tell me why please. Help me understand why the fact I wanna kill so many people based on these perceptions is wrong.

Back At Home

2009-08-13T12:08:00.001+08:00

Alright I know nobody missed me during this half month period that I'm not updating. But the fucking reason I didn't update for so long is cause nobody missed me at the first place. To all my four to five readers, fuck you guys for not commenting on my official Paul Gilbert tribute post. It really hurt me, y'know.. to know that you guys will rot in hell and me enjoying my time with the big man himself up there when I die. I tried to lead you guys to the right path but NOOOOOO you insist!!!! NOOOOO you didn't comment. Don't go screaming at me for not saving your asses when judgement day comes.

Anyway, let's get to the less important things. I didn't update cause I've had an exam, spent time with people and these two are definitely more important than this damned blog. Now I'm getting fucked by thick haze back in my hometown at Sarawak. I'm not sure if it's the phlegm stuck at my throat from all that coughing or the haze, but every cigarette I smoke tastes like shit. And no, my town is not fucking Kuching. Seems like every West Malaysian thinks the whole Sarawak is synonymous with Kuching. It's like this:

"Hey I'm from Sarawak."
"Oh Kuching ah I wanna go there omg omg blow me!"

It's comments like these that make me wanna slam my face onto the pavement. Yeah I am that annoyed.

I still don't know what this post is about. I guess it's just a random update about how much time I have for updating for I'm so damn bored right now. Oh yeah I started playing The Sims 3! And I made a character who is currently a Pop Icon(level 9) of his music career. No free cookies for guessing what my character's name is, though. It should be fucking obvious.

Oh yeah, I found this little gem the other day before I came back from KL. You know, just when you realise there's so much more impossible feats you have to master on your quest to conquer the guitar world, someone raises the standard again by including new creative shit into the big book of guitar playing. I hate this shit. Do you know that now you have to dance and play guitar at the same time? Yeah sounds like bullshit but apparently this all-chicks Japanese rock band is doing it. And honestly, it's visually pleasing. Check the video below.

Did I tell you they do this live too? Now that's intimidating. One more thing, I like the drummer chick but only when she's playing under the rain. You have to wonder how magical the rain is cause it makes your face looks better. I guess the hottest out of them all is the lead vocalist.

Official Paul Gilbert Tribute Post

2009-07-25T05:57:00.000+08:00

This is going to be a lengthy post on one of my biggest heroes. If you have read at least 5 posts here, you should know by the first sentence that I’m gonna talk about Paul Gilbert (again). I strongly accept the fact that every guitarist should have an official tribute post to Paul Gilbert as the truth. Yeah, I’ve been worshipping and promoting/exaggerating Paul Gilbert’s name to no end in this blog and THIS will be my official tribute post to the one true American hero that I recognize.

This is very vague, and shameful to me but I honestly forgot how I got to know Paul Gilbert. But if memory serves me right, I first heard of his name through Zack Kim’s blog. Either he linked or cited him as an influence or it’s just his PGM that had me looking up and down in the internet. At that time, the first picture I saw of Paul is his cover for the Spaceship One CD. He was in an astronaut’s suit and I stupidly dismissed him as an asshole. Or a wannabe.

Time went on and I finally get to try and listen to guitar instrumentalists like Steve Vai. The first instrumental that I really liked is Tender Surrender but that’s it. Vai was a weirdo to me back then, like a pedophile or something with his freaky smile. So I decided to move on to other guitarists. Naturally, Paul Gilbert’s name came up and I downloaded GOOMY. I listened to the first 1 minute and 38 seconds and decided this guy is the second coming of Christ that everyone is talking about.

Then I listened to his other solo stuff starting from SFBADR and worked back from there before settling on Racer X and Mr. Big. As you guys know, I’m a little bit of a stalker so for almost a year now, I wake up every morning and check paulgilbert.com and search youtube for latest videos with the tag “paul” and “gilbert”. People have coffee or cereals for breakfast but I fucking have Paul Gilbert for breakfast. I don’t know, but that alone spells INTENSE (or maybe Paul’s number 1 Malaysian fan)

Enough of that, now I’ll share why I adore Paul so much like a fat kid loves cake. You know when your girlfriend says, “It’s what inside that matters.” That’s bullshit, the outer appearance will speak louder no matter how much of an angel you are. What I wanna say is, I like Paul cause he pretty much fits in the rocker persona. Tall, thin, the rocker hair, long fingers, so-so fashion but good enough. He’s not that bad looking too, for a shredder. Besides, he has a Jap for a wife and that is always cool. Before you dwell on any perverse thoughts, no, I’m not saying that it’s cool just cause you can talk about tentacle rape and all those disgusting shit with your Jap wife.

The coolest thing about Paul is that he doesn’t discriminate. He doesn’t limit himself to just a genre. He plays metal (Racer X), blues (Raw Blues Power album), modern rock (every album), maybe a little psychedelic (I’m Free from the United States album, jazz (Six Billion People), pop (2 Become 1), classical (his Rip Off songs), funk (Bultaco Saturno), maybe a little techno too (Echo Song). Most importantly, he listens to the Beatles too!!!! Sure every shredder listens to the Beatles but Paul makes it clear to everyone that he likes the Beatles, unlike other shredders. Honestly, saying you don’t like the Beatles is like saying you like to play first person shooters but you don’t like CS. In this case, if you like music you FUCKING HAVE TO like the Beatles.

Lastly, I like his style and personality. Paul, I know the good guy thing is just a gimmick, you like to say fuck as much as I do but I respect you so I’ll let you off the hook this time. But anyway, he’s willing to share his knowledge, has a good sense of humor and he does not like sweep picking that much. Besides, he can play fast and clean. Excellent dynamics. Cool licks. Visually excellent gears (PGMs). Keyboard shredder wife. Nice vibratos. An excellent variety of rock faces, all greatly executed on stage.

How does he inspire me? Almost every time I listen to his songs whether I’m in the car or wherever, it makes me wanna instantly pick up the guitar and play (And I do play, mind you). This is fucking true. I don’t know why but there’s so much to learn (steal) from him. I found something new every time I listen to his songs. I wanna be like Paul so much. I wanna string skip even though my genetic limitations doesn’t allow me to. I wanna alternate pick even though I’m not that clean. I wanna copy his rock faces although my nose isn’t sharp enough and my hair isn’t straight and brown. I wanna own all his gears even though a lot of fuckers keep saying “tone is in the fingers”. Fuck you guys, I don’t care if I’m just “another Paul Gilbert copy”. I don’t mind, I love Paul! And thus ends my official tribute to Paul Brandon Gilbert.

p.s. I’m sorry I downloaded all your albums Paul, I’m fucking cheap and poor. No credit cards and whatsoever. But I will reaaaaaaally get your AF2 Flanger if it ever comes to Malaysia. Damn cool shit.

On Fishing

2009-07-24T05:31:00.000+08:00

I took to the lake
And tread the waters at the side
Little did I know
That it's so deep underneath

I took to the lake
And saw a beautiful fish
Little did I know
That I wasn't so lucky

I took to the lake
And the fish finally took my bait
Little did I know
That I was to be fooled

I took to the lake
And the fish poisoned my catch
Little did I know
That fish belongs to another man

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You know, I pity men who are so eager in catching fishes, but never realizing that the fish was only there just because there wasn't any food at the other side of the lake. Joyfully, he will go home thinking he's all grand and almighty.. plotting his next move, how to cook it, dress it, serve it. Little did he realize, he is only a part of a bigger scheme that is ongoing. Little did he know, he was only used because the other fisherman was sleeping on his job. The fish is back in my pail, mate. Thanks for warming it for me. Better luck next time!

Glenn Frey Ruined This Post

2009-07-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

I wanna blog about something today. But then again, Glenn Frey beat me to what I wanted to tell you guys tonight by 27 years. Which is fucking ages ago. The video is quite gay but I think there is a lot of room for "improvement". Maybe I'll RUIN this song someday. For the time being, let Glenn Frey tell you through his song, what I planned to write.

Succumbed To The Scare

2009-07-14T11:42:00.000+08:00

Mix flu, mild fever, sore throat, mild headache and fatigue and what do you get? A fucking worried Chun Kiat. I’m down with these illnesses yesterday but I didn’t really think much about it cause I pretty much get bombarded by these things every time I’m sick. Thanks to a certain Ling Han Wei, he got me all riled up. I was honestly scared like fuck. Before you think too much, no I wasn’t scared that I’m getting ill. I honestly think it’s times like these that the stars aligned and bring the humanity in me out for display. For real though, I was scared that I might be a walking time bomb and my whole apartment will be hosting a H1N1 party.

Obviously, I started contacting every Sri Petaling friends I have on MSN asking for 24 hours clinics’ whereabouts. But then there’s this voice… the middle class society in me, telling me not to go. Apparently, the RM50++ bill is stopping me from going straight away to the clinic. So I sat there, weighing all the pros and cons. Thinking, “Macibai I got so soi or not?!” But then, I put myself in the position of those patients. Fuck, they were probably thinking the same shit too. Makes you wonder how fragile this life is. Everywhere you go there’s a risk of you dying or getting fucked up by mother nature.. or man made technologies.

Damn, I can go to Music Master and get fucking crushed by the guitars that some are probably bigger than me, descend the temple of shred and fall down to my untimely death. Or maybe Sam knock me unconscious and suck my dick until I die (you know you want me). Maybe Paul Gilbert finds out that I’m listening to Guthrie Govan’s Erotic Cakes more than SFBADR and decides to banish me into the fiery depths of hell. Gee, living in the twentieth century sure is a hassle.

Anyway, I went to the clinic and the doctor said it’s just some normal shit. So I can sleep peacefully tonight without infecting everyone a-la Left 4 Dead. FUCK MY RM69 GONE?!?!?!?! CIBAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

End Of Business

2009-07-10T04:17:00.001+08:00

Just completed my assignment which consists of two websites, all constructed by copy pasting and editing other people’s work. Oh yeah, two additional documentations but they’re just mappings. Will be going to the college lab and work on it tomorrow/later. Before you guys go running your mouth about how unoriginal I am, please note that the lecturer herself taught us all this. It’s kinda cool though cause it saved me and my coursemates months time of learning basic HTML.

But let’s not talk about my mundane and exaggerated “life is so full of assignments *bawl*”. I’ve got something important to share.

A certain someone recently (by recently I mean most of the time) nagged me about how much I embrace procrastination. Hell yeah, she said I abuse the word cause I said procrastination rhymes with “enjoy your life, relax, be cool.” I’ll TRY to look at it from different perspectives and we’ll see which is better.

She said Malaysia is a place for old people. Okay, I fucking laughed so hard I almost shat my pants the first time I heard that shit. Why? Cause everybody’s always late and procrastinating, relaxing.. like how I put it. We're so laid back we're becoming turtles or something (I told her I listen to Racer X to speed my life up). She also said when there are things to do that are not done yet, it boggles her mind to no end cause there are things to do that are not done yet. THIS, I highly doubt cause for fuck’s sake she isn’t that bright concerning PCs and whatnot. Conclusion, people who procrastinates will have their stress all divided throughout the period until the dateline. It comes everyday, but in small doses. Which may be good. I don’t know, the only time I don’t procrastinate is when I masturbate so I’m not the one to go to for this.

Yeah we all know procrastinating is bad but goddamnit it’s so addictive! Why do your assignment when there are facebook games to be played, guitar licks to be learnt and more importantly, Paul Gilbert videos to watch again and again! Some people work better under pressure and I think I’m one of them. I enjoy not sleeping at night rushing for assignments while listening to Racer X. I enjoy the pressure inside my brain that squeezes all the creative juices out. Goddamn, there’s so many creative bullshit so logical that even the lecturer has to believe it to be written on the last night before the dateline. Oh yeah, did I mention that Paul Gilbert said he likes to work under pressure too? I don’t know where I read it but the interview’s lurking somewhere in ultimate-guitar.com.

I hate giving out yes AND no answers but in this case, I’ll have to opt for that one. Yeah, procrastinating is so fun but it’s best to have your assignment mapped out so that it won’t be THAAAAT hard when the time comes. That’s basically what I did for the assignment this time around and maybe will do so next time around (OH MY GOD A MR. BIG REFERENCE!!!).

p.s. Paul I still love you even though there aren’t any new videos of you surfacing in youtube. Well.. the one that you played Star Spangled Banner outside your balcony is kinda new but that’s a little boring.

p.p.s. Sam i'm looking forward to jam with you and your "Sam and Friends" band so tell me when is the session.

p.p.p.s. I haven't bath for one day. I don't know why I wanna let you guys know this.

Me Ruining People's Song: Part 1

2009-06-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

I don’t know what song is this but it’s by Jolin Tsai. Heard this song while I was in a karaoke session. Upbeat song and I think the feel is very great for guitarists like me to ruin. So here it is. This is the second take. Yeah it has mistakes but the first one had too much so I had to retake. Reason: Jolin I’m still considering you as the top Taiwanese chick I’d like to bang!

All that aside, let me briefly tell you what I’ve been up to these days (guitar wise, obviously. I lead a boring life). One good thing lately is that I’m getting inspired by all the wrong people into playing guitar. Yes, Paul Gilbert is still number one but guess who’s number two? IT’S JACKY CHEUNG!!!!! In my humble opinion, I think modern Taiwan-HK pop killed guitar solos completely. I know I know, and I’m aware that guitar solos are still around in these pop songs but they’re so scarce you’d have to squint your eyes so hard like you’re getting fucked up the ass… by a pair of scissors.

I’ve been listening back to my favourite Jacky Cheung songs from my childhood days and I noticed there are interesting solos in his songs back then. In relation to gapnap’s… don’t know which post, forgot already, I agree to the fact that shredding and solos might be back sometime in the near future. But considering the state of Taiwan-HK music, I don’t think the Chinese community will ever be able experience the beauty of the instrument. Well, fuck them lah I’m indifferent in a way cause this shit makes me way cooler than the average Chinese. Better if there’s less Chinese who shreds, fuck competition!

p.s. I think the background of the video is better this time around. No images of a skinny fuck playing guitar and stuff. A Coca Cola thingy (I don’t know what is that called) full of cigarettes is cooler.

You Know You're Busy When

2009-06-19T17:39:00.000+08:00

1. You haven’t updated your blog in 3 weeks.

2. You haven’t been regularly checking out the sites you visit daily like:

michaelooi.net
awkwardboners.com
sixthseal.com
vbglau.blogspot.com

3. You don’t play guitar more than half an hour a day.

4. You don’t listen to Paul Gilbert’s Silence Followed By a Deafening Roar for more than 3 times a day.

5. You’re stuck with the online sensation called Dragonica.

6. You haven’t had dinner with your housemates for more than 5 days.

7. You don’t bother asking your housemates, “Eh this weekend got what plan ah?”

All that aside, I still visit gapnap.com and paulgilbert.com religiously every damn day. And if any of you love Paul Gilbert enough you would’ve known that Paul just updated his site a few days ago telling people to buy more of shit and go to his newly added clinics. Well it’s not really significant when you think of it, but hey it’s fucking Paul Gilbert we’re talking about here.

People are afraid of changes, and I think I’ve overcame them in this case. Just a few months ago I was wondering if they’ll be anybody I’ll get along with in my new course. Fuck, this is kinda harsh but it is really easy to make friends when you have no old friends hanging out with you in the class. I remember when I was back in Computing, I’d stick like glue to this one old friend of mine from Sarawak. The daily schedule would be, class> sit together> talk together> go home> guitar> sleep. No spaces for others to chip in, no new friends to be made. Now that we’re separated, I realized that I’ve been going out more than I used to (it’s nice but the thing is I haven’t been going out with that old friend). Which explains point 1 and point 2.

Other than that, I’ve been working quite hard lately. Just found a new job a month ago. Oh boy, the pay isn’t bad so I’m not complaining. The satisfaction is overwhelming too, for I haven’t had a job for almost 1 year I think. One thing for sure, it’s taking up a lot of my own free time. Less time also means no time for friends. So this explains point 5 and point 6.

Obviously, less free time also translates to less guitar playing. For all you Gilbert haters, yes I still do get inspiration from him. But I’d just sit there and play for a maximum of 20 minutes or so. I guess I’m stuck now. It’s like when you know how to sweep pick, you know a lick or two, but getting there is just so hard. Kind of sad and it makes you wanna stick to your old shit. But then, improvements don’t come by itself, no? No doubt, this explains point 3.

Lastly, whatever free time I got I spend them on this new online game my friend introduced called Dragonica. It isn’t exactly THAT fun but fuck, when you’ve got nothing to do everything seems to be fun. Besides, you get to shoot crabs! Nothing much to say here, but this explains point 4 and 5. Oh yeah, partly cause I’m hooked to Greg Howe’s Ascend and rediscovering Guthrie Govan’s Erotic Cakes.

Now I know you all just come here to see sacred and rare Paul Gilbert videos that you are too lazy to look out for. Hell yeah, what’s a reversedkyanon post without a youtube video of Paul, right? Just when I thought I wasn’t inspired, this video made me noodle along the fretboard for an hour or so last night. It is VERY UNRELATED to inspiration but if you know me, you’ll know that I get orgasm just by hearing Paul speak. Here’s the video.

Boy Tells Lie, Girl Not Left Out

2009-06-04T03:54:00.000+08:00

It is without any qualms when I say that everyone is a liar. Yes, the one you told your dad about you giving him RM1000 a month for him to “yum cha” counts. It may be a white lie, but fuck you know it is still a lie no matter how you put it. But if you’re serious about it, please look into the mirror and picture a dick on top of your head. Anyways, that’s not the point of this post. I believe boys lie, but less than their female counterparts. Here are some lies that I am GUESSING that everyone has said at least once in their lives.

1. Oh yeah… great… oh yes for sure I was listening, dear.
2. Oh the car bumper isn’t new, dad. I just washed it last night when I came back at 4am after drinking and driving.
3. I was (whatever shit that is not called masturbating) last night while talking to you.
4. You’re my first….
5. Nah, I’m not into any of your girl friends.
6. Oh wow that’s so interesting!
7. Yeah dad I’m going for tuition. Oh yeah if my shirt smells like cigarettes it’s only cause one of my friends smoke. Nope I’m NOT going to cybercafés
8. Mom I need the tuition fees for the ten o clock tuition (which I’ve never attended).
9. Wh-What? What is squirting? Gee I’ve never heard of that term..
10. I love you too.

What, you think I’m just gonna stop there? Think again, motherfuckers. Although 100% of my readers consists of males but I’d like to GUESS what lies girls tell too. As far as I’m concerned, girls tell about the same amount of lies as guys do, or maybe even more. But hell, when she looks at you with those puppy eyes you’ll think that the stars are somehow aligned tonight and she’s telling the fucking truth. Let me educate some of you bastards and shove this principle into your brain: Don’t Trust Anyone.

1. Sense of humor is the main quality I look for in a guy.
2. It’s so big.
3. You’re my first…
4. You’re my fourth *pauses* but this is my first time….
5. Oh he’s just a friend.. who coincidentally says he loves me as a friend, takes me out, buy me expensive shit.
6. I’m not that kind of girl.
7. Hey help me with this bit of assignment tonight? A.K.A. Just do all this shit for me, thanks.
8. Oh yeah I go to clubs to dance, helps me keep fit. But ignore the fact that I drink more than I dance.
9. Heavy metal? Uhh… umm…. I like it! *after two days* Hey is Coldplay heavy metal?
10. I only cheated because he was mean to me.

Anything you wanna add? Just to let you know, I'm glaring intently at my Music Master friends.

Dear Diary,

2009-05-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

Last night Paul Gilbert appeared in my dream. He floated down from the sky, accompanied by a couple of angels holding PGMs. Each comes in different colours. I wanted to wrap my hands around neck of the angel holding a PGM401 so that I can have her guitar. I am truly sorry Paul, I will not ever have sinful thoughts again. Anyway, Paul himself held his trusted six string weapon of choice, the Fireman. Rays of light shone upon him the whole time he appeared in flesh. For a moment there, I was scared. I almost peed my pants. But I felt like a prophet, for now I know how all the prophets before me felt. He proceeded to pass me his latest instructional DVD entitled, “Silence Followed By A Deafening Roar Guitar Instructional DVD And Shred Annex.” Then he said to me,

“Slowiehands. Even though your nickname is totally unoriginal, lame and is a play on Eric Clapton’s Slowhand, I will forgive you. Just cause you’re the only one fan who goes to youtube.com everyday without fail, type in Paul Gilbert in the search engine, and proceed to click “Newest” every. fucking. day. You’re a fucking stalker, do you know that?

All that aside, I have realized that you haven’t been writing a tribute post to me in a long time. Now now, that is very sinful, my son. I hope you will realize your sinful ways and repent if you want to ever step foot on the garden of Gilbertdom. Don’t you know? Every Gilbertians will be given all my CDs and DVDs. And they’re free, you cheap fuck. I know you’re thinking if you have to pay for them, you immoral Gilbertian.

That is all I have to say, young one. Go out there and spread Gilbertology. Let hell rain a firestorm upon those who dare blaspheme against me. And force them to sit in your car and listen to Viking Kong at least 6 times. This DVD is a gift for you. A revelation, you may say. Now go, my son. Go~~~~~”

Then he floated back up to the clouds, I think I saw Jimi there getting ready to shine Paul’s shoes. Damn, too bad he died young, I wonder how long he’s been shining Paul’s shoes. Poor soul. Before I wake up, I still remember vague instances of me kneeling down, flailing my arms freely in the air while screaming “All hail Gilbert!” over and over again. It’s pretty gay but hey, what is a man to do when he encounters a godly presence? In order to show that I know more about Paul than the other Gilbertians, I will post a video of him dropping the F-bomb which he rarely does, on my blog.

Impossible Is Nothing

2009-05-27T14:38:00.000+08:00

Below is a conversation between two mature, grown up gentlemen. This brief discussion took place in a very high classed restaurant on top of some tall building in a certain city. But may God damn these two souls to hell, for their intentions were not pure. Sin consumed their bare heart and soul, leaving nothing left for the pure to grab hold of. Let’s not waste time, and let me unravel the conversation concerning .. “The Ultimate Argument of the Possible.”

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A: Hmm, do you believe in time travel like in the movie, Back to The Future? *takes a sip off the glass of wine*

B: Not really, it is a highly improbable feat to achieve. Ah, let me rephrase. It is definitely impossible for our small brains to accomplish time travel. Take your time to prepare your rebuttal, friend.

A: Time? I need not time to counter your argument. Have you ever seen shit eating porn? The 2 Girls 1 Cup shit? Yeah, the one when you grabbed your dick getting ready to jack off but got freaked out when you saw them licking shit? AND YOU TELL ME TIME TRAVELLING IS IMPOSSIBLE? ALL THIS BULLSHIT WHEN YOU’VE SEEN SHIT EATING PORN? THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING OUT THERE IN THIS WORLD THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOU’VE SEEN SHIT EATING PORN! *jumps off the building to his death*

B: *grabbing the chairs with his sweaty palms* May Satan spare his soul, at least don’t torture him by making him watch shit eating porn for eternity….
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Although the above conversation is purely fictional and fully takes place in my imagination, I would like to make a clever guess that approximately 1/3 of the porn surfing community have never lived a normal life after watching shit eating porn. Either they committed suicide, or they failed committing suicide and end up in the hospital. What I’d like to convey through this post is that I think nothing is impossible in this world except eternity.. or time.

Let’s talk about the possible first. Can you imagine human eating something out from the asshole? When we were young we were told to not eat shit, or even step on shit. But these brave souls proved us wrong. Shit is edible, shit eating is their profession. I take their work as an insult personally, it’s like all my beliefs are trampled on mercilessly, they’ve thrown their food(shit) all over my belief that shit eating is impossible. Dayum! Now I can’t ask people to eat shit anymore, who knows they secretly love eating shit! (Sam I’m looking at you)

That day I stumbled upon a disgusting blog talking about BDSM and bestiality. What ran through my mind was, “Nah this is impossible, no sane human being would do this kind of shit.” But analytically, I rested on my white plastic mamak chair and thought to myself, “But then again, this shit doesn’t even come close to shit eating porn!” Carefully, I closed the browser, hoping never to encounter such insidious crime against humanity ever again…

On the other hand,

Eternity, in my opinion, is the ONLY thing that is impossible. Not that I’m complaining that I haven’t enough time to fuck chicks and whatnot. Hell, I’m kinda scared of eternity. Imagine what the fuck you’re going to do if you’re gonna live for eternity. Watch tv all day? Think of shit to blog about all day? What if you got cancer at the age of 30 and you have to live through it until a cure is found? Now that shit is fucking boring, and painful too.

Moral of the story, next time when you think something is improbable. Think shit eating porn. It will open a whole new world for you. Just like when Aladin thought it’s impossible to fly on a flying velvet carpet with Jasmine.

Me, You, Them, Us

2009-05-18T03:35:00.000+08:00

Some of us live our live grandly and some below average. Complain or boast however you want, but isn’t it true when I say we sometimes live our life just like any other person out there? Whether you are rich or poor, it doesn’t really matter. We are bonded by those tiny moments that all of us can relate to. This is what I think whenever I compare myself to people living a better life than me, or worse. No matter what, we as humans are still the same. Just that some are a tad bit luckier than the other. It makes me smile, though.. knowing that I share similarities with people I don’t know, you may call it humanism. These kind of things make us unite as the human race.

Ah, yes I’ve touched the surface of human tribalism in the last post but hey, hypocrisy is also an innate thing we all share, right? Cut to the chase, I’d like to share with you little things that may sound insignificant, but downright bond us together as a species.

1. Ever went to mamak stalls, and they guy just won’t come and let you pay for your food no matter how hard you waved, how hard you do the West Malaysian “kissy” sound?

2. Ever woke up thinking today is Sunday for almost the whole day when it is only Saturday?

3. Ever scratched someone else’s car with yours, only to get the fuck out of there hoping that no damn soul saw what the fuck you just did?

4. Ever wondered if anyone is coming up the stairs when you’re masturbating? Then you made yourself ejaculate faster, go out of the room only to find out everyone is sleeping? Bummer, right?

5. Ever felt like the whole room is trying to see the size of your dick when you’re pissing into a urinal? So you gotta hide your dick like the devil’s coming for it?

6. Ever tried saying Hello to a distant friend of yours only to be ignored by him or her? Then you just want to land your clenched fist onto his or her face?

7. Ever breakout into a song to hide the fact that you were actually dancing to some gay song on the radio? Yeah, fucking embarrassing, I know.

8. Ever felt like telling your friends that you love them(as a friend -_-) but held back because you’re afraid that you might sound gay?

9. Ever faked not hearing your girlfriend say, “I love you” just because you wanted to hear it twice?

Last but not least,

10. Ever felt like commenting on reversed kyanon but afraid that you might sound like an asshole?

Guy is Smart, Decides to Start Wars

2009-05-16T14:46:00.000+08:00

It has been brought to my attention that I haven’t been writing life-altering scriptures that make me oh-so politically-conscious on my blog. Before you get your mouth running, nope I don’t care about the world unless it affects me in a third degree relationship. Why should I worry about the world when I have so many fucking problems myself? As trivial as they may seem, my problems are bigger than yours because me living under a bridge begging for spare change does not affect you, but me. Well, maybe the occasional, “Do you have spare change?” But hey, you can choose not to give any.

I have this little theory that many others before me would’ve thought of, since smart minds think alike. And I would like to share this theory with you all. A brief reminder though, please do not take anything you read on the internet seriously, including this one. I am telling you right fucking now that I’m only partially serious about this. Shall we begin?

Okay, I personally think that we aren’t gonna live through 50. Forget all the sugar coated statements made by political figures all around the world saying we’re at peace and whatnot. No, we’re not fucking at peace. We just wanna destroy whoever that don’t belong. What I’m trying to imply is, we as humans are still mammals all along. No matter how far we’ve progressed as our civilization, there’s still this instinct deep inside of us. It’s called the survival instinct, tribal at its very core, like a beast contained in the curtains of laws. Laws, who wrote them? Men. Men smart enough to know that they have to limit the people who are able unleash their beast upon the world. In other words, these people try to hold you back in your line, let you think you have rights when you have none. Or make you suck their dicks.

DIGRESSION ALERT: A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO DICK-SUCKING
You might not realize but each one of us has been sucking dicks everyday ever since we’re born. Remember the time you had to get 100% in your English just cause you wanted your dad to buy you that PS2 so badly? Remember the time when the teacher said, “I’ll let you off early if you pay attention in class?” Remember the time when you gave that policeman RM20 cause you wanna get the fuck out of the roadblock? Remember the time when you had to act differently from your usual self just to not piss off a certain someone? FUCK YES, that’s all sucking dick in my book, it might not be literal but the idea is there.

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So less on dick sucking and more on war shit. Believe it or not, people just wanna control other people. Doctors, engineers, whatever the fuck profession you can think of. We just want to control your money, control you, make you come to us when you have problems with your health, problems with your toilet. Oh boy we work so damn hard just to have that control. On a larger scale though, society wants to control you through wars. I mean, let’s get fucking real. In the last 100 years there’s so many wars fought in the name of “freedom” and “rights” (which are all man-made). And there’s one or two that hit us, the Japanese Invasion, anyone? What makes you think there isn’t gonna be any war in the next 100? Believe me, when it rains, it pours. We’re gonna get hit so fucking hard I’d jack off one last time before I hit the ground. Or maybe punch the guy next to me, just for the sake of it.

To conclude, human tribalism is here to stay. That means we’ll always be competing, ousting people who don’t look and act the same with us. If it goes onto a larger scale, wars happen. The gears of war are already starting to rotate. Have fun and fuck chicks before it’s too late. Don’t forget to suck your daily dicks for survival. A dick a day keeps the money coming in.

Pain Don't Hurt

2009-05-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

Please do not fuck me up when I say this is not an "update for the sake of updating" post. I read a...nother quote the other day and it inspired me in a non-carnal way. So yours truly decided to write a blues song of some sort.Don't you think "pain don't hurt" is just so damn manly to say? But I tried to go the other way and be as emo/faggy as I can. Personally, I like the irony of what I wrote. Try to guess what each verse means if you have the time (yeah I wrote what has been happening to me these days). Let me just sneakily insert another quote here: You can't play the blues till you've got the blues.

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Took a left
When I reached the junction of success
No regrets
What I say when my life is a mess
Pain don’t hurt
Tough it out just like the rest

My best friend,
Be with me till your fire is put out
Rest assured
As addiction makes you eternal
Pain don’t hurt
Though it makes you nocturnal

My legs cut
Soon enough I won’t be seeing red
Close my eyes
Still they won’t bring freedom back to me
Pain don’t hurt
Just walk it out to be free

Do you have
The time for a poor boy
Don’t worry
Let’s just waste another day
Pain don’t hurt
It’ll show you another way

Pain don't hurt
Isn't life a game
Pain don't hurt
Cancer's just a wait
Pain don't hurt
That's what he said

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Okay this is twenty minutes after I wrote the stuff above. Twenty minutes before I actually wanted to end the post there. But after much thought, I've decided to record myself playing and upload it to youtube(doing it as I type here). Did this in one take, so to the professionals... please be kind :)

p.s. Around 3:46 I tried to incorporate pauses into the fast lick but epicly failed. Sorry sorry! Not long after that is another repeated 4 note lick which I made mistakes on. And I'm terribly sorry if your ears hurt when the organ comes in. Turns out that I had my speakers on too loud. That's why you can't hear my string skip and sweep pick at the end. Which is kinda cool too now that I think of it cause it's not clean heheh. Finally, please lower the bass knob if you have one on your speaker. I've already put mine to -1 cause it's too loud. Oh yeah the video is tilted sideways I don't know how to adjust it.

p.p.s. There's a lick that's repeated in the video. It's a bent D, then an A, and C. It's supposed to be sung like the starting of the verse(which has three words). Halfway throughout the song I forgot all about it -_- Anyway, sorry if that 3 note thing is annoying. Have fun.

Quote of the Day

2009-05-09T05:50:00.000+08:00

WARNING: This post is one of those "update just for the sake of updating" posts. I am gladly informing you that the close button is the 5x5mm button shaped like a cross on the top right corner of your browser. Please skip this post if you have something else better to do like masturbating or crying.. And also worshiping Paul Gilbert. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

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You know, those bloggers on the internet always have bullshit to say on their blogs. Stuff like:

START
*randomly copied quote or lyrics from a song they're infatuated with*
END

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Yes, I know that I'm none the better by writing this post but hell yeah I'm the least worst among them. To prove my point I will gladly describe why think this "quote of the day" is an internet gold waiting to be unearthed. And maybe a little walkthrough for the video. Yes you are correct again, it's a fucking youtube video. If you know me well enough, you will know that I spend half of my time dicking around youtube.com looking for inane shit to look at.

Upon inspecting the description of the video which can be found on the right hand side of your browser, you will see that it says "A man named Paul Gilbert playing guitar." This sentence/quote screams the word genius all over the fucking place because of its irony. Every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert isn't just any man. Every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert isn't actually playing the guitar, he's actually massacring every guitarists out there in this video. And fuck yeah, every guitarists know that Paul Gilbert is saying, "Yeah *nods* I'm better than you all underlings *nods*." through this video.

For you noobs out there, no.. Paul Gilbert does not have three hands even though he has godlike status. That hand is his bassist's hand acting as a "human capo". For more information on capos please visit your friendly internet-hood Wikipedia for more information. The rest of the video is pretty much self-explanatory: It's Mr. Gilbert demonstrating how he only needs three strings + an extra hand + a delay pedal to rain a firestorm upon the world.

p.s. Oh yeah you have to click on the video to actually see the description. Sorry.

p.p.s. Before any of you dumbfucks say anything stupid. Please take note that I KNOW most guitarists have seen this video at least 10 times. This video is for my non-guitar playing friends who blaspheme against Paul Gilbert. Thank you.

The Weekly Pilgrimage

2009-05-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

Now, it's very possible that people will say they call bullshit whenever I say I listen to almost every type of music out there. And please let me clarify. Yes, I do listen to hip hop and whatnot even though I'm almost always talking about shred music or heavy metal in here. In order to not sound like a hypocrite, I wrote this song for you all (especially friends at Music Master). Please take note of this, this is meant to be a rap song. You can sing it if you want, though.

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The Weekly Pilgrimage

Travelling through highways in my tricked out myvi
The cops want some money so they fucking stopped me
But when they saw my yellow fucked RG in the backseat
In their blue pants they straight away shiver and pee

Off to the temple of shred I go
Got too hot and I rolled down my tinted window
Bitches be staring me when they hear my stereo
Playing shred music like there’s no tomorrow

I gave them the middle finger ‘fore callin them bitch
“You’re too pussy for this kind of heavy music”
Now stop staring ‘fore I gouge your fucking eyes out
And fingerfuck them sockets till you scream your lungs out

Reached the temple of shred in a minute or two
I ascend the steps trying to act like I’m super cool
I see Sam smiling there acting like a fool
He sees my tricked out RG and he starts to drool

I sit down and he asks, “Oi wanna jam mou?”
I said, “Of course la muhfucka diu lei lou mou.”
“Travelled so far just to see yo damn face? You gay?”
Let’s get it on, turn it on, get your pick and let’s play

Should I sweep pick , legato or just alternate?
No, fuck slow playing cause it’ll sound moderate
Guitar playing is just another damned fucking race
Who’s faster, who’s cleaner sure is the best

After an hour or so Clem comes rolling in
With his batman shirt looking like a pimp
Sam starts forcing me to follow them go “ta gei”
I said, “No money la, maybe some other day.”

Then he’ll bug me like shit just like everyday
I gave up resisting cause he said he’ll help me pay
‘Fore we play we’ll go where roti canais stay
And hear Clem and Sam debate the topic of the day

1 win, 2 wins and Clem has to go home
Either his girlfriend scolded or he got work tomorrow
Left me and Sam full of sadness and sorrow
Cause he forgot to treat us play computer, fuck no!

We roll back to Music Master and have a drink downstairs
Roti bakar, teh ais, and grabbed us some white chairs
Talk til 5 or 6 if I’m in the mood
My pilgrimage done, I go home feeling good

I Dare Not Touch A Song

2009-04-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

I believe I speak for all guitarists that we all picked up that little piece of wood because we felt the need to play that one particular song by our favorite band or singer. Or partly cause we just wanted to show off, either one. For me though, I asked my father for the Yamaha C-70 Classical Guitar my piano teacher introduced/pushed me to buy cause I wanted to play Blink 182’s The Rock Show.

Oh fuck yeah I did learn piano for 4 years. Four long years and all I forgot all I learnt cause I have yet to discover the beauty of the instrument at the time. And yes, I also took guitar lessons from her for maybe.. three weeks? I quit cause she was teaching me classical pieces, which I didn’t appreciate at the time too. I thought, “Why play classical music when you’ve got Blink 18Fucking2?”

Fuck it, seems like I digressed a little. Anyway, I soon learnt how to play The Rock Show and the list expanded further. I remembered feeling like a rock god after I managed to nail the “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” solo when I was in Form 5 (I even did the devil's horn after I nailed it). No doubt, I did give up some songs cause I thought they are too hard. Songs like Jimi’s Little Wing. That shit is so complicated! I still do think it’s complicated, how the fuck do you play rhythm and lead at the same time? Bah, maybe I just didn’t put enough effort into the song. Another notable song I gave up on is Cream’s Crossroads. I cried myself to sleep every night knowing that I’d never be able to play that song… four years ago, heheh. Now? I think I can but it won’t be as accurate, note for note.

Fast forward to 3 years later, I discovered shred and the list grew once more. Uh, I meant the “give up” list. Fucking Racer X songs, Paul Gilbert and the usual shredders’ roster. Fuck fuck shit fuck they’re too hard!! And don’t say I didn’t try, I did but they(my covers) sounded like shit. Didn’t even get past the 1 minute mark. I will probably will get back to them but it won’t be soon.

Let’s move on to the point of this post. Actually, there are songs that I want to play so badly but I don’t dare touch, at all. Most of them are Steve Vai’s songs. In my HUMBLE opinion, Steve Vai is on a different plane when it comes to instrumental guitar music. His songs, I don’t listen to them for their technicality. It’s the emotions that he puts into them. You can’t copy that shit. As if it isn’t hard enough to nail the technique, you gotta fucking nail the rock face, the “swoop my hair to the back” skill, whammy bar tricks, the "wind blowing in my hair", the "occasional glitter on the cheek which people mistook for tears". Ahhhh fuck!

There's this one song. It is like the Holy Grail to me. I will never touch it until I can cover not the whole song, but the whole fucking video (gotta get the suit, the hair, the bandmate, the ambience). This probably will surprise my Music Master friends but, yeah I like this song more than any other Paul Gilbert songs. And I’ll only be able to proudly call myself a pro if I achieve this. Which realistically, is never.

I present to you, Tender Surrender.

Twenty Dollars

2009-04-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

I've asked two people about this and so far, none can give a reasonable answer. I'll post the situation here and hopefully some of you can unravel this mystery!

One fine afternoon, PAUL and MARTY decided to go eat together. Halfway through the journey, PAUL decided to stop by a petrol station. PAUL got out of the car, and told the worker there, "TWENTY DOLLARS please." Then PAUL proceeded to pump the petrol manually.

MARTY, being the nice guy that he is offered to help PAUL fork out the TWENTY DOLLARS. PAUL was fine with that. PAUL said to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"

After the petrol is pumped, they went to a restaurant. When they were done, PAUL offered to pay for the whole meal, which costs TWENTY DOLLARS. MARTY was fine with that. MARTY says to himself, "You qian lai wo dan ran shou ah!"

The question I wanna ask is, did PAUL lose or saved money that day? STRICTLY speaking about money. No emotional values. No "Oh he fetched Marty worrr" and stuff like that. I'm talking strictly about money only. Did he save some or lose some?

Sucking Dicks for Mind Reading Powers (or vice-versa)

2009-04-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing people from different walks of life can agree on, that one thing is that we’ve all been asked at least once, “Hey if you’re able to choose one superpower, what will it be?” At least that’s what I was brought up to believe, heheh. As usual, ridiculous questions will always demand ridiculous answers. I’ll list out a couple of popular ones that I don’t agree with:

1. Invisibility
People who chose this usually are perverts. What they don’t realize though, is that choosing invisibility makes them an asshole too. Sure, you can peep and rape all you want, but hopefully your semen is invisible too if you don’t wanna get fucked by the long dick of the law. Besides, by choosing invisibility you’re choosing to forever isolate yourself from the world.

2. Time Travel
We all make mistakes and some live to regret those mistakes. These dimwits are the ones who will choose time travel as their superpower of choice. Yeah sure, this one comes the closest to being realistic but fuck you, I think it’s for pussies who missed out on life. I bet those of you who are reading this and chose this superpower are thinking, “Damn I wish I had this power so I can fuck that chick back in high school.”

3. Super Intelligence
For the love of God, will someone stop choosing super intelligence? This superpower is so mainstream that is annoys the fuck out of me. Batman, Spiderman and almost all superheroes are smart. Even super villains are smart nowadays. This shit is too overrated. Am I the only one who wants to see a dumbfuck superhero called Stupid-Man? Unless they can invent a pussy magnet machine, they’re still suffering from the virus that is stupidity.

4. Super Dick-Powers
This may sound a little weird to you so let me explain. For those of you who don’t know, before the beginning of the 19th century, a bunch of scientists and comic writers actually gathered for one “Mother of all Meetings” and discussed about the authenticity of super dick-power. The ability to please another human being sexually without limitations (exhaustion, premature ejaculation, dying halfway in sex sessions, distracted by football while fucking, sex tape scandals) is sought after ever since the beginning of time. And the meeting is adjourned with all members agreeing that super dick-powers is indeed realistic. The reason why we have yet to see Dickman in the cinemas is cause there are fucked up parents wanting to protect their kids from the “harsh” reality of life. Geez, everybody plays the sex game nowadays = fact.

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With all that aside, I want to tell you the superpower of my choice. I want mind reading powers. Yeah yeah you’re probably bitching and saying, “But slowhands, people like Professor X already have that power!” Yes you have a point there. But there is nothing that’s gonna stop me from writing this post, is there? The reason why I want mind reading powers is cause it’s easier to suck corporate dicks that way. In my opinion, sucking corporate dicks is the easiest way to get you to the top. BUT, I disagree with sucking too many dicks. The rule is to suck only one necessary dick. There are a lot of pretentious people out there nowadays who tricks you into sucking their dick just for the fun of it. So with mind reading powers, I will be able to determine who and how to suck.

If you believe the bullshit that is the above paragraph, you deserve to be shot in the penis, with shotgun pellets coated with salt. Nobody wants to suck dick with mind reading SUPERPOWERS if they’re fucking sane, right? If it isn’t obvious enough, I’ll probably be better off robbing banks, fucking chicks, and securing business deals if I have this superpower.

In reality, I’ve been playing a lot of mind games actually so I just wanna know what people are actually thinking. Yes, I consider the benefits of mind reading as endless and they're not only for playing mind games. But this post is getting a little too long so fuck this shit.

And no, I won’t suck dicks to get this orgasm-inducing power.